Please help me, im desperate

im a gay bottom

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Please help me, im desperate

Postby milo350 » 07 Apr 2014, 14:58

Hello, my anal fissure ruins my life, I have it for 4 years, im a gay bottom
I used nitro, rectojesic, sitz bath, but it always returns, even after 6 month with soft stools and no anal sex it returns any time i have a bit hard stool. I guess its never been healed and it was always there...
My boyfriend eventually left me cause we stopped doin sex, and its my problem..
Im just always sad...i dont want a surgery that may make it worse and i heard that even then it returns..
What can i do???? What my life worth if i cant make sex, i prefer to die
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Re: Please help me, im desperate

Postby Scientist2516 » 08 Apr 2014, 22:51

Hi Milo,
I'm sorry you've had a really rough time. It's so sad that you talk about dying. Please please take care of yourself, and don't give up. This forum is to help people like you. It helped me, and I hope you will find some support and answers here.
This disease is particularly hard on gay men - you are definitely not alone on this forum.

Have you seen a specialist colorectal surgeon? If you keep re-tearing all the time, you may have a high anal resting pressure, and nothing will work except LIS. Mind you, I am not a doctor, and obviously I don't know about your case, but there are some studies showing that people with a high anal resting pressure do not heal well with creams and ointments, and probably need surgery.

I know surgery is very scary. However, it does have a high success rate. Many people here have had LIS and healed completely. Some have had LIS and had problems, but they are a minority. The people who heal tend to stop posting here after a while, while those with problems keep posting - so it looks as if problems are common after LIS. But the scientific studies and statistics show otherwise.

At least try to see a surgeon and get an opinion. You don't deserve to have a sad life. You deserve to be happy. Maybe you can't have your usual sex life for a long time, but that doesn't mean no sex - it just means finding different ways. A kind, unselfish boyfriend will work with you and find ways for you to enjoy each other without anal sex.

Take care, and look after yourself.
Nifedipine/lidocaine, no help
Diltiazem, effective, but caused major rash
Nitroglycerine, effective.
Topical estrogen for final healing.
Gentle heat to bottom - pain relief, muscle relaxant
Kondremul mineral oil
Time - lots of time.
Status - Healed!
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Re: Please help me, im desperate

Postby lefthanded » 13 Apr 2014, 06:46

Milo, I am so sorry to hear of the extreme impact this is having on your life. I am a female whose orgasms have always extended into the anus and rectum . . . until I got ulcerative colitis and had to have my colon and rectum removed. I had a reconstruction called a j-pouch, which reattaches the ileum to the sphincter, and have issues with spasms from a stricture and scar tissue. It has impacted my sex life too, even though as a lesbian, I don't even require any penetration to orgasm, my sex life with my partner of 15 years has pretty much died. Even arousal can cause me to go into spasms. I guess I should really count myself lucky that she has the love and commitment to last . . . and in fact we are planning to now legally marry.

I hope that first and foremost you can get yourself healed, and then, perhaps with the help of a good sex therapist/physician team, you might be able to work to devise a way you can once again enjoy sex. I wish you well.
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Re: Please help me, im desperate

Postby sugarspice » 15 Apr 2014, 13:28

Hi Milo, please don't worry, there is so much that can be done to help you. As the others have said, have you seen a CRS? They can help you with cream, laxido/movicol (the king of soft poo's!) botox or surgery. Even changing your diet can help immensley. Please feel free to read my botox diary, I have changed my diet completely, take laxido daily and have had 2 rounds of botox. I pray one day I will heal! The pain I have now is SO much less than before. I can't advise on the sex front, but if there are other gay men on here I am sure they can help you. In terms of support you really have come to the right place!
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Re: Please help me, im desperate

Postby jay2502 » 01 May 2014, 15:02

im gay and am very reluctant to even try and have sex with anyone because of it.
i have never been much of a fan of ''taking it'' anyway, but how do i explain to someone who wants me to ''take it'', that i cant ??
its not just that, i think i would find it hard to relax having any sort of sex/foreplay due to the background pain in the anal region.
the 'surgeon' from my clinic has been nothing short of useless and has discharged me back to my GP.
god knows what i am supposed to do now...
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