I apologize ahead of time for venting.

I thought I was getting back to a better place when all of a sudden I had a hard bowel movement last night. Things seemed fine today but all of a sudden while standing or sitting and I get tremendous sharp pain as if from the inside. It subsides after 15 minutes or so, but I feel so down about this condition and how I cannot even sit with my daughter and do something fun together. This has to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life. On top of this, my job is on the line due to budget cuts and I am already trying to change to a new job elsewhere by interviewing. How will I be able to hold a job and concentrate with this condition? I wonder how I can just get this to heal without stress mounting on a daily basis. Car rides with sharp pain and what seems like trapped gas pushing on the cut is killing my focus. I almost feel like giving up on my career and everything I worked so hard for over the past 20 years. Education becomes a waste if I look at it that way. All of that work and all of the blood, sweat and tears to get somewhere has led me literally to the same except for maybe the blood.

I hate sounding like the host of my own pity party, but I know of no other way to have this conversation without completely breaking down in front of someone. Already did that with my parents over the phone and I wasn't even trying. I just can't help it. I am sure that the stresses in my life have led up to this condition in some way, but at this point I would be happy with just being pain free for a few days. Being able to sit, stand, or walk without sharp pain would be a blessing. I cannot do any of the things that I was so used to doing. It really feels hopeless. If even a little stress can cause a partially hard stool, then I have no idea how to manage this condition.

I will have to stick it out for this entire long weekend to see what the doctor says on Tuesday as a possible next step. What bothered me was the tone in which the nurse addressed me when I explained the situation. It was almost as if I was being admonished about the doctor having to go to the next step. As if I really didn't think it through before calling to have a consultation. I have really lost a lot of faith in these doctors. Am I just some experiment for them? Sick of being sick.

Miserableone...... I'm sorry you're feeling so despondent....we've all been there believe me. You will have better days I promise, and you will be able to get back on track with your career.... It just takes time, careful management, and a whole lot of patience!!!
Vent all you need to on this forum.... We all understand, and we all know what you're dealing with.

Keep on going....... One day at a time!

OMB xx

Make sure you keep taking the stool softener. This is horrible affliction, there will be better days. This forum is godsend, great to vent and find comfort. We all know what everyone is going through, we are here for you.

Thank you both for your encouragement. It really helps. I feel better after resting yesterday and sleeping. I was very weak yesterday due to feeling tired and hopeless. Of course I havent had a BM yet today since the day has started, but I will stay focused on staying hydrated and keeping stool softener in my system. I guess somedays even with stool softener can cause issues as I have seen.

Hi MiserableOne,
Sometimes the hard stool can happen for no known reason, but you need to look at what was different on the day before the hard stool, for example, did you drink less water than normal, did you eat more none fiber foods than normal, did you eat any none fiber foods that you typically do not eat, any activity that would cause your body to use more water as it will take water from the stool, did you go a longer period than normal without a BM.

For me driving a car was the worst place to be with a fissure. I would keep changing positions with my bottom and if I got lucky, I would find a position with less pain and not move and this would continue for the entire trip.

Before you get to the doctor on Tuesday start thinking about what you want to do for the next step and have your questions ready. If that nurse had ever had a fissure, I am sure she would be a little more compassionate.

Thanks, Roidsfizzman. I was thinking about what I did the day prior to the BM. I usually walk for about 15 to 30 minutes. That day in particular was very hot (~100 degrees F). I walked for about 10-12 minutes and I normally sweat a lot. I drank water afterwards, but I then had to take a phone interview in my car. The interview was about an hour. I kept the water with me and did not appear to sweat much since I had the AC running. It may have been the stress of the interview and sitting in one position in the car for an hour that caused things to tighten up (sphincter?). Not sure. I also added some nuts to my diet that I normally do not. I have since excluded the nuts and will most likely avoid sitting in my car under stress for such a long period of time. I started to take papaya again and that seems to help tremendously to keep everything soft. Another thing was that I usually have a full cup of tea (very weak) first thing in the morning with my breakfast. That day I thought I would decrease the tea slightly because I read caffeine is not good for this condition. Since then I have gone back to taking one cup of tea in the morning (no sugar, honey or milk) along with double the amount of fresh ginger tea (no caffeine in that).

I just had a BM about 15 minutes ago and everything seems fine. I am starting to feel some pain coming on possibly from the spasm, but this is the normal routine. Prior to the BM I cleaned the area and put coconut oil on the outside and inside of the anus. Not sure if it will help since it is just the second day of using it. I will apply Diltiazem in about an hour just so I can give the coconut oil a chance to absorb.

I have no idea if my methods will make any difference at all, but I am my own lab experiment right now. I notice that once I pass gas, the pain stops. It's getting to that point where I can pass gas that is difficult.

It is funny that you mention the gas as I would get pain relief for a few minutes after passing gas, and it was a welcome relief. I know it is difficult, but try to stay positive and focus on what you can do to heal. You are 100% correct that you need to figure out what works for you to keep the stools soft. I wish you the best.