Hi everyone...add me to the list of anal fissure sufferers! This just sucks, doesn't it? Here's my story.
On June 16, I took my husband out to dinner for his birthday. He wanted nothing more than to go to this local restaurant that's a 50's style diner. I don't have the best diet, but I try to eat at least somewhat healthy on a regular basis. But as it was a special occasion, I let myself go. I had a cheeseburger, cheese fries, AND a milkshake. (That's REALLY bad. I never eat that horribly. Even thinking about it now is making me want to puke.)
Anyway, about 48 hours later (my digestive system has always moved at a snail's pace, my entire life), I had a BM that didn't seem particularly hard or wide, but it must have been, thanks to all that dairy. I felt the tell-tale sharp stabbing pains and just knew there'd be some blood on the TP when I wiped. There was, but not much, and definitely none in the toilet. This has happened to me before, so I didn't sweat it. I just took a shower, made sure I cleaned up, and went about my business, fully expecting to feel completely normal by the next morning.
But this time was different. I managed other BMs without any pain or bleeding, but it felt like something was in there. I don't know if it was swelling, irritation, or what, but much of the time when I clenched, I could feel something. I've had hemorrhoids before - it didn't feel like that. And when I looked, I didn't see anything. Then again, I never looked at my anus with a mirror before. But it seemed normal. And even though I wasn't bleeding or in pain during the actual BM, I would get what I now assume are spasms afterward. Still, I figured maybe I'd just torn it worse this time and it was part of the healing process. There was occasional prickly pains, and some minor itching, but mostly just this feeling that was reminiscent of (sorry to be graphic, but I don't know how else to describe it) a small piece of poop that had been left inside and was just hanging around my anus. It wasn't there constantly, but enough to be noticeable and VERY annoying.
Fast-forward to July 2. I got the urge, so I went to the toilet. Big mistake. I'm pretty sure I retore. The stool was huge, thick and long. Got the classic passing-glass feeling and there was blood on the TP again, more so than last time but still none in the toilet. Burning pain for hours afterward, and some achy throbbing. A sharp sensation when I clenched and again the sensation of something being there. The next day I went and got some Benefiber, which I've been drinking religiously and adding to food whenever I can. I've been conscious of my diet in a way I hadn't been before. Still, on July 5th, (my first since 7/2 - told you I'm slow!) I had another BM with the passing-glass sensation and some, but not much, blood. The consistency seemed to be about what I should aim for - nice and soft, and I didn't have to strain. Still, I was so disappointed. I'd actually felt better that day and thought I was on the road to recovery. Guess not. I actually had another BM that night, again nice and soft, with less pain and still less blood.
I kept drinking my Benefiber, water, and paying attention to what I was eating. And last week I had several pain-free, blood-free, probably perfect BMs. I was SO HAPPY! Even the sensations around the anus seemed to recede. I went several days being able to clench the muscles without feeling like something was there. Figured I was finally getting better. Lurking around this site helped - I can't tell you how much. But this weekend, a setback. Saturday afternoon I got the urge to go but as I was nowhere near a toilet, I had no choice but to hold it in. When I finally got home, I tried to go but the urge was gone and of course I didn't want to strain and push it out. However, after that, I noticed some stinging and burning and the weird sensation was back. UGH. The urge came back yesterday morning and I went immediately. It was pain-and-blood free, but I've had stinging and burning ever since, along with the now-familiar feeling of "something is stuck in my butthole". In addition, when looking with a mirror not only did the anal ring itself seem kind of swollen, I noticed some redness on the skin around my anus, radiating out a couple of centimeters. I wondered if it might be a reaction to the witch hazel I was using to clean, so I decided not to use it. But since then I've had mild stinging, burning, an irritated feeling, prickling and itching, I'm scared to clench my muscles for fear of what I'll feel, and now I'm scared this is never going to go away.
To add to all of this, over the last few years I've developed a moderate case of health anxiety. So of course I have convinced myself that this is anal cancer. It doesn't help that although I'm pretty sure the fissure is anterior, I can't pinpoint exactly where it is (I can't see it in the mirror, and the sensations of pain and irritation seem to happen all over, although most often in the range of 11 o'clock to 1 o'clock). I don't know if I have one or several. And to top it off, I can't see my GP until September 3rd because I had to switch doctors and my new one can't take me for my initial appointment until then. I do have an appointment for my annual gynecologist checkup tomorrow, so I might go out on a limb and ask her if she can possibly take a look at it, but I don't even know if she can.
So that's all. Sorry for the "War and Peace"-length diatribe up there, but I've been lurking so long and dealing with this for almost a month now and I had to join in. Does my situation sound normal? Has anyone else had that sensation of something being stuck in the anus, and what could it be? Swelling? A tumor? (If it was a tumor, I'd feel it all the time, right? Please tell me I'm right!)