by rockybalboa76 » 28 Oct 2014, 11:07
-Regarding the stool out the abscess hole, I had the same thing. What I'm about to say is a bit freaky but it does get better. I was told that my infection had created a tunnel between the inside of my anus and the outside of my skin. As stool would come out my anus, part of it would get side tracked and exit through the new tunnel and come out the abscess wound. In time, as the abscess began to heal, this tunnel closed. It healed from inside and healed its way outward. Once it was closed, the stool stopped coming out and everything got back to normal. This is something you should talk to your CRS about and perhaps they can give a better explanation.
-Regarding the personal issues, I am sorry to hear about that. Having a fissure is challenging enough. Having other issues placed on top of that just adds to the challenge. I would highly recommend seeing a therapist. It will help you work through all of your fissure issues and your personal issues. It's a way to recalibrate your mind and face this challenge from a place of strength. Do you have benefits through your work? If so, look to see if they have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program). It's designed for moments like this. With an EAP, you can get free therapy for eight sessions or so. I did it and it really helped. -Also, as previously mentioned, you may want to look into getting prescribed some anti-anxiety medication for a limited period. Again, the therapist recommended it. My primary physician agreed and it made all the difference.
-If this helps, here are the notes from my time with a therapist. Maybe you can find something useful in there:
THERAPY NOTES
-You need to do things to focus your mind elsewhere. Breathing deeply, repeating positive sayings, etc. really got me through it.
-Stress can inhibit healing. It tends to get localized in a particular body part and that body part gets worn out.
-I asked if my anxiety attacks might be the result of post-traumatic stress. She absolutely felt that was part of the issue.
-Breathing exercises are a good way to deal with anxiety
-I felt like I was forced to confront my own mortality. Everything seemed pointless.
-It felt like the child inside me had died. She told me that the child hasn’t died. It has gone into hiding. The adult had to take over because of the serious situation. Once I heal, the child will come out of hiding.
-You will heal. It’s not permanent.
FIND HARMONY
-I told her that I felt like a failure. She said that if anyone told me that I should point out that it’s DESTRUCTIVE THINKING
-There is positive and negative in everything. (Ex. It’s good I’m getting help – but it’s bad because it’s taking up time that I could use doing other things)
-I need to avoid focusing on the negative and restore the balance. Find the harmony.
CONTROLLED CONSCIOUSNESS
Whenever I feel that I’m focusing on the negative, I need to think of a positive event and replay it in my head from beginning to end. (Ex. I told her that I would imagine sitting on a beach or in my parent’s backyard)
ISOLATION
-I lived alone and it sounded like a majority of my issues came down to my isolation.
It makes me focus on myself and it creates a loop of negative thoughts. I become obsessed with things.
-Don’t isolate yourself. It’s important that you get involved with a group and don’t just connect with people on-line.
-You should meet with a group on a regular basis.
-Something that will be there week after week. Maybe a cooking class or a club of some type.
-She suggested volunteering at a nursing home and having a surrogate parent.
-DETACHMENT – When I’m in a group and I feel detached, this is me trying to protect myself. It’s part of the post traumatic stress and it will eventually correct itself
IF YOU FEEL SUICIDAL
-People feel suicidal because they feel overwhelmed
-If you feel suicidal, you should call 911
-Tell them that you’re suicidal and you need assistance.
-They will put you in contact with their PET Squad (Psychological Emergency Team)
-They will send an ambulance and take you to a psychiatric center and monitor you for 72 hours
-Suicide is a selfish thing to do. Don't hurt your loved ones. Get help if you're contemplating this. Things do get better.
IF YOU START TO FEEL BAD AGAIN:
-It’s important to recognize the bad thoughts and take action to steer your mind in a good direction as quickly as possible.
-When you have a bad thought, stop, breathe deeply and remind yourself there’s a lot of things in your life that are working
-Write, shoot and direct an image in your head where the future event that you’re worried about works out (I can have it right along with a script where it doesn’t work out but I need to also come up with one where it does work out)
-It is better to think of a positive memory, playing it from beginning to end or think of a desired outcome, playing it from beginning to end
ANTI-ANXIETY MEDICATION
-My therapist recommended visiting my primary care physician and asking for some anti-anxiety medication. I should tell him that I’m stressed and my therapist recommends I take something for my stress during this challenging time
-When I did visit my primary care physician, he agreed and put me on CITALOPRAM (aka CELEXA) – Anti-anxiety medication. It ended up making a huge difference and I wished I had been on it earlier.
-I told the therapist that some of the relaxation techniques that I had been doing weren’t working any more. She said that I’ve been traumatized. Of course some of my relaxation techniques won’t work any more because I’m exhausted. I should try some new ones.
-She said that I will get better. I shouldn’t think I’m foolish because I had hope for things that didn’t happen. That’s a self esteem thing.
-I need to build my self esteem and confidence. If someone tries to knock me, I need to stand my ground.
-Negative comments only get under your skin if you don’t have confidence in yourself.
-If I have anxiety about something, it’s because my gut detects an issue. If this happens, I should follow this routine:
-DETECT PROBLEM – DO SOMETHING TO CORRECT IT
-The quicker I can get to “do something to correct it” the less I’ll worry. Plus, just knowing that I’m going to do something to correct it will help reduce the worry.
-I NEED TO BE A FRIEND TO MYSELF – I am too hard on myself. I need to be a friend to myself and treat myself like a friend, instead of being harshly critical all the time.
-I should publicly celebrate my successes
-Although some people go the other way and celebrate themselves too much, I have gone the other way and have made myself invisible. I need to celebrate myself more.
-DOWN TIME – I need to schedule some down time each day so that I relax. It’s not good to be constantly in a hurry. I should set aside time each day to do this and read or watch TV or nap. This is part of being a friend to myself.
WHEN PEOPLE ASK ABOUT MY CONDITION
She said that it’s not appropriate to go into the details. I can just tell them that I’m healing and move on.
END OF THERAPY NOTES
Remember. You can’t control other people’s behavior. All you can do is control your own.
-Like I said, your CRS can't do everything and they aren't trained to do everything. Battling a fissure is more than just rectal issues. You need to be hitting it from all fronts. So, see a CRS. See a therapist and maybe see a dietician or a gastroenterologist if you're having weight loss or digestive issues.
I hope that helps. And this sounds crazy but watch “Rocky.” It really helped me.
Remember, like Rocky says, “It’s not how hard you hit. It’s how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. That’s how winning’s done.”
There is hope. You will heal. You’re a tank. Don’t over think it. Take action and keep moving forward.