This is slightly off topic...

Firstly, I've had a fairly uneventful life..the normal ups and downs that normal people experience. I'm physically healthy, etc. BUT, this AF has been the most disruptive event in my life, with pain so severe at times that I have actually pondered suicide as a viable alternative. When it was at its worst several years ago, the though crossed my mind, "OK, should I just kill myself, or do I want to spend the remainder of my days lying on the bathroom floor writhing in agony for hours after each BM". Fortunately, I did get over that initial AF flare up, and I count myself as very lucky that it hasn't been as bad ever since...

What I'm wondering is, how many of you have caught yourself having that conversation with your maker that people in severe distress always seem to have, "Please god, If I get over this then I promise to change my life, help the starving children, etc" ?

..Well, I'm finding myself having these thought from time to time these days...

I don't think I've felt that bad, but I have felt depressed. I was in India when I had a very bad AF flare up - blood would run down my legs from it and passing a motion was like giving birth. But I got over it. It flares up, yet I know I am still alive and there are those who still wish to be alive even in worse circumstances.

A friend of mine was tortured in Iran and sodomised with the handle of a whip he was beaten with, purely for something he wrote. He has been in pain every day and over the past seven years, in exile in Turkey, he's had to have a number of surgeries to rebuild his bowel - it's more than fissures. Yet, he fights on and continues writing. I just think we're very lucky, even with this inconvenience. I got this problem through IBS, he got it through something far more traumatic and he continues to fight on.

I think many of us that have come and gone (and still come to) this board have been there Jay. You are not alone in that. The level of pain from an AF really is THAT severe. Thankfully, the severe pain doesn't seem to persist but many are left with ongoing pain even after being healed (I am one of them). These types of things that happen in life can really put things into perspective. I am keenly aware of how fortunate I am for all the other things that have, and are going right, in my body and with my life. It is indeed humbling. Oh, and I am still waiting to be in good enough condition o be able to do those things I bargained to do if and when I healed.