my doctor kicked me out of the old practise as i kicked off as noone would give me any kind of painkillers ( each person is different)for me im spasming all day when i walk it starts to itch tot he point its stabbing me after 5 mins lol then im stuck outside walking back mumbling cuss words to come back sit down and try to recover from the stabbing to get the spasms kick back in lol , there is always a dull ache that gets worse or less throughout the day i got apparently botox -+ lis

as from my last topic where i read from there letter

the only reason i got in this early as i demanded some sort of answer from my doctor as to why he has given me no pain relief if not for my pain for my mind ( even though i have spoke 4 times to my mental health team then to him etc ) .

if i am honest atm with this my life , i just go through days.
most days i dont go out unless im gabepentined up as i cant get ontop of the day

when i first got this i had the cream for it and the pain at first got me in tears to the point i needed some painkillers that would work as nothing was working for me .

i went down docs with missus ( ex ) now i begged the guy he said no i was just burning tbh at the point ( ass ) not angry lol but depressed couldnt help but cry didn know what was going on , also he put his finger up there sooo ouch

all i could feel was hot hair ? idk and burningg and stabbing from my hairs , once night time comes i couldnt lay on my bum as i could feel a huge pulse feeling? idk thats what it felt like i used the cream most that harsh harsh burning feeling is gone to a degree but maybe because i have had it 6 months everyday allday that my bodys getting slightly used to it

when i put the cream on , it still feels like really cut or sensitive


surgery is tommorow im scared but tbh im also done with it effecting the way i live atm , i feel a tramp i cant wear underwear
also when im around others i feel it spasms more maybe coz im depressed and thats why i need gabs but even without people it hurts so so bad

if the surgery doesnt work i was going to just end it , i know that sounds fucked up and people say it all the time etc for attention , but this has really impacted my life and the way i cant be around other people . my dad is dead i live with my mum temp whilest im ill and i see her very very often she had a stroke about 4 years back when i was 16 so i tried to do all the heavy stuff around the house to help her out and as she is a very strong minded lady she tries to do it all herself atm pulling heavy things around and whenever i try , im in tears after lol if not the next day idk why it hurts when i lift heavy , and bend also coughing hurts the worst it sends a signal there for some reason .

but watching my mum do heavy stuff and me getting worse physically it hurts me alot it makes me very upset and i feel useless with everything .

I'm sorry, I know how hard this has been for you. I'm in the same boat, it's so difficult to be in this pain and to physically feel yourself getting weaker, and be helpless to it all.

I am confident that the surgery will help you - the doctors would not be doing it otherwise. Check out the section on here called "success stories" if you're feeling nervous. Lots of people wake up from surgery with less pain than before right away, or at least in a few days.

Hang in there and keep us updated! I find it helps to use the board as a bit of a journal - it can ease the mind to put things in writing, and there's a great community of support.

Wishing you the best of luck - I bet you will be back to normal in no time!

-GG

GilmoreGirl wrote:I'm sorry, I know how hard this has been for you. I'm in the same boat, it's so difficult to be in this pain and to physically feel yourself getting weaker, and be helpless to it all.

I am confident that the surgery will help you - the doctors would not be doing it otherwise. Check out the section on here called "success stories" if you're feeling nervous. Lots of people wake up from surgery with less pain than before right away, or at least in a few days.

Hang in there and keep us updated! I find it helps to use the board as a bit of a journal - it can ease the mind to put things in writing, and there's a great community of support.

Wishing you the best of luck - I bet you will be back to normal in no time!

-GG

thanks , are you fully recovered? and i hate how noone gets this pain lol i bet you guys know where i am coming from ..

i am just nervous af but i want to go back to hitting the gym and im planning go on holiday to amsterdam or spain , also get my sports car back on the road . atm i havent been able to plan anything .

i make alot of different electronic dance music when im bored and down and play ps3 but that shit aint productive .

also when i walk i get an erection like for real and i dont like it tbh i realllly dont like it . i have had people in farmfoods look down look up look away lol , really puts me off

also car drives hurt in my mums ka lol

I'm not yet - but almost. I am not in too much pain but still get the spasms when I stand or sit up too long. I'm having the same surgery next Tuesday!

Trust me, we all understand how you are feeling and it is just the absolute worst. Nothing in my life has compared to this.

I've been out for 6 months from this and have lost a lot. School, boyfriend, apartment, and lots of money. I was a personal trainer before and I lived to workout or run or hike or bike - I was always active. It sounds like you are a very active person also - it hits really hard when such a huge part of your life is disrupted.

It's great you are having the surgery now - I regret not having months ago, and many have posted similar regrets of not doing it sooner.

Post any time - I check up on the board often if you need to vent!

- GG

GilmoreGirl wrote:I'm not yet - but almost. I am not in too much pain but still get the spasms when I stand or sit up too long. I'm having the same surgery next Tuesday!

Trust me, we all understand how you are feeling and it is just the absolute worst. Nothing in my life has compared to this.

I've been out for 6 months from this and have lost a lot. School, boyfriend, apartment, and lots of money. I was a personal trainer before and I lived to workout or run or hike or bike - I was always active. It sounds like you are a very active person also - it hits really hard when such a huge part of your life is disrupted.

It's great you are having the surgery now - I regret not having months ago, and many have posted similar regrets of not doing it sooner.

Post any time - I check up on the board often if you need to vent!

- GG

it seems me and you are having the same thing , lol cannot stand for to long but sometimes it feels like a relief
i often feel like i want to be isolated as it helps me . i am also very active used to love bike riding and gym . The doctors are the worst tho the preek was like " i have never heard of anyone taking gabepentin for pain relief " i then looked on here and found someone suggested me taking it lol i lost my gf because i couldnt deal with the way she pushed things onto me and eccepted no advice in return , like ever . So it needed work and i cant cope with shit atm the more stressed i am the more the pain is

i smoke alot of weed atm and cannot cut that off because the pain lol and because i am not doing anything allday anymore

its my bday on the 24th i dont really want to celebrate my 21 lol if im honest

about 4 months back i was so deperate to get rid of that ache i baught ketamine. it helped at nights i wanted to go out and meet someone etc and pain was gone till next day

i got in a debt with that of like 300£
in like a 1 and a half month binge

i dont like the high i just wanted the pain to go and it did , so it gave me that hope things will get better.


i did beg the doc but he was a shrivelled up lizard looking douche . and he owns the entire surgery and the dentist pharmacy the works. i went to another doc in the surgery they will not bypass that doc . anyway i kicked off told him i wanted to kill him because of the shit hes let me sit through and his deicions to make me sit in pain for hours whilest i wait for him with those stupid hard chairs. to top it off he said i was going to be his first patient

he fasttracked me then kicked me out he previously said i was fast tracked like 3 times. i asked him for support for my esa assesment coz i couldnt go in car he said no, i couldnt change docs as i wasnt getting any good days. at all to go in register and wait then they do bloods and that

my spasms feel like a dull ache but i often get a tight shooting sensation before i fart and it feels like a trapped big bubble then i fart, but the pain is like so severe i jump out of the seat grab onto anything



i was angry that day i was done with waking up pain etc

one night i had a dream of hanging my self and the bad bit is i smiled when i saw it in my head i was aware at that moment. i didnt wake up sad :L ..

now that really worries me coz im not like this

also the spasms always vary throughout the day bit worse then less but very noticable sometimes but this is everyday it happens so i get that

It sounds like you've been through a lot. The medical system can be difficult to deal with, especially when you are in pain, it's hard to have any patience at all. It is especially difficult when they are stingy prescribing pain medication when you really do have lots of pain.

I would suggest that you ask you doctor about a referral to a psychologist, maybe one that specializes in dealing with pain. I see one and it has helped me lots. It may take some time for you to get confidence and happiness back after you're feeling better - a good psychologist will help with this.

Pain can bring us to really dark places - I too had lots of thoughts of suicide and on bad days it still creeps into my mind. I think it's important that you have someone available to talk to about this, it will really help.

Pain meds will make it way worse because the constipation. I'm going for LIS in 2 weeks, and thought about what happens if it doesn't work. And I'll be honest. "Ending it" seems like the only other option to end this. I am hopeful it'll work though. In a month from now I'll be almost recovered and hopefully moved on with life. We can hope, can't we? Good luck!

You can always take a stool softner with your pain meds and you won't be constipated.

And in fact, I just had LIS on Tuesday and have been taking morphine regularly and I've had liquid diarrhea only since lol - probably from the anaesthetic.

Pain control is important - I was hoping to do this with just Tylenol and Advil but NO WAY could that have worked.

I agree with GG that pain control is important and there are ways to manage the constipation if it occurs.
If you have low to medium level pain then fine but as soon as you go above medium then you run the risk of starting the pain/spasm cycle which is what I ended up getting caught in due to inadequate pain relief during a crohns flare
Good luck