I am new to writing on this forum dispite being glued to reading it during my on and off 5 year anal fissure
It started with a bout of constipation and regrettably pushing out a giant elephant poop which lead to the terror. I got pregnant soon after so doctors were not happy to give me medication and anyway, I assumed it would just heal as with anything else so dealt and cried my way though the whole pooping out glass and pain which followed. The pregnancy lead to further hard stools, thanks to all day morning sickness which meant I could only stomach bread! After living my first 12 weeks of pregnancy in hell, I finally saw a consultant who told me to take a stool softener (why had nobody told me this before!?) and reluctantly prescribed rectogesic. I started taking laxatives- lactulose and then onto laxido. (lactulose gave me awful tummy cramps). The cream gave me horrendous headaches so I couldn't continue use.
Fast forward 3/4 years, and another pregnancy later, I've learnt to 'manage' the fissure, although only by continuing with laxido every night (about half a sachet). At times I think its healed and then BAM, another hard stool out of the blue (seems to correlate to my menstrual cycle - does anybody else have this?). Although, it only seems to last max 4-7 days and then 'heals' up again.
I spent the first 6 months of this year virtually pain free, which was amazing since 2020 has been depressing enough. Then my periods made a return (once I stopped breastfeeding) - their timings were a bit messed up and I pretty much ended up missing a period which messed with by bowels even more (hard then too soft) and now I feel I'm back to square 1 with the throbbing, stinging, blood and just generally feeling pretty down. I had a telephone call with a new consultant who basically gave me the option of surgery.
I think in my head this had always been the plan. I would get having children out the way and then concentrate on healing myself, even if it meant the surgery (my mum had LIS a few years ago and she was healed pretty much immediately, although she does now let out the odd fart which is the risk you take - sorry mum!)
I think the sudden verdict of surgery scared me so I asked what else I could try first. He said botox is an option to think about and prescribed me diltiazem which I am to try for the next 2 months. I have been using for the last week or 2, although as I'm so sore, I am finding it hard to get up there. HOWEVER, for the last 2 days, my poo has not been super soft despite not changing anything else and im had to seriously squeeze to get it out, although it looks like a perfect poo. Could diltiazem be blocking the laxitive from working? Have I actually caused me a seriously lazy bowel through laxatives overuse
Surprisingly, I actually seem to cope with the pain or a more formed poop better than when the poop is too soft so I know I shouldn't complain but hard poo thoughts terrify me.
I'm now determined more than ever to heal this naturally and ease myself off laxatives, especially as we are in lockdown so i don't have to feel bad about not leaving the house but I just don't know where to start now. I actually think I have 2 cuts and one is in the middle of 2 hemorrhoids. I generally eat a balanced diet with fruit, veggies and I've cut out sweets and chocs. I have 3 teas a day although this seems to get things moving. I have coconut suppositories, although I've stopped using these why I'm trying the cream. Or should I just get on with it and have the surgery!? P.s I'm 31.
Anyway sorry for the life story, really didn't mean to go on but its just feels good to get it all out
even if nobody reads it! 
