Tore again yesterday with blood. Got my date for botox. 30th May. Sigh...

Sorry to hear that. I am waiting for a CT scan - no idea when it will be.

Hazey123 wrote:Poor you JHH this thing is such a rollercoaster of pain. Let us know what you decide to do. I’m coming up for two years since I had my original skin tag surgery which led to my fissure that refused to heal. I’ve had a few good weeks (I hardly dare to say it) and really there’s no particular reason for this. I was dilating over the summer but it seemed to make me more sore. I’ve used rectogestic for 18 months and eventually got brave enough to stop it. Feel much less sore as actually I think it was burning me a lot aside from the fissure. So now it’s just Movicol (half sachet) gallons of water , not too much fibre as increasing fibre made things so much worse, and just generally hoping one day to be pain free. Last two weeks is the first time since my original tear that I’ve been pain free. Also had a bout of food poisoning and survived that… so we will see. I did have a really hard BM a month ago and thought I’d done real damage but I recovered ok from it after about ten days. Maybe you might feel better soon? Hoping you do and you don’t need Botox but looks like it worked for you last time?? My doc doesn’t seem convinced that Botox will work in me, not sure why. I can’t bear the thought of any intervention anyways. Wishing you good luck and let’s all pray for less pain in 2024!

hello Hazey123,
I red each and 1 of your posts and especially the one where you told that you never would imagine to be healing and healed... Its been 1 year since my multiple fissures from anoscopy injury..... I am having a lot of scar tissue and on each BM I feel spikes/thorns/pokes sensations.... some days there are more noticeable pressure in my anus and sphincter - other days not far way from okish..... you also mentioned that ultimately breathing daily and patience that carried you towards recovering.... I pray daily to God for clarity of my situations cause I have no idea where am I with all this .....

JHH wrote:Tore again yesterday with blood. Got my date for botox. 30th May. Sigh...

Hi JH, from day of retear is there usually blood everyday when you poop? Does it last a week. What looks like so many blood when washed by water looks so little…

Hi Vasilisa
I am happy to say that I am still very much better. Since my last message saying I had had a few good weeks I have had ups and downs but now I think probably a year and a bit on from the beginning of my recovery (approx 2 years after the whole misery began) I am officially so so much better. I can now ride a road bike for 3 hours without any pain which is miraculous given that a soft sofa used to hurt me. I still get some slight pain with my BM from time to time - my key thing was using movicol to make sure I kept things a bit soft (but not too soft) this stuff is magic. It really helps me and from time to time I still take it for a few days if my BMs start to get hard again. I fluctuate hugely in this regard for no apparent reason. But generally even if I have a hard and painful BM Im tender for a few days but I recover. So I am 95% normal now I would say. I will always feel scared when I need a BM and I will never use loo roll except to dab and then immediately shower. But this no longer rules my life. I refused all further intervention as I cannot bear the thought of that clamp holding me open and most likely causing more damage. my consultant actually told me this happens... which totally put me off botox. He said the micro tears caused by the clamp were worth healing the bigger tear.... eek. So ive just breathed through every BM, been careful with my diet, taken small amounts of movicol and tried to believe it would get better. Finally it really has, given lots and lots of time. I hope you start to feel better soon.

Dar Hazy, thank you so so much for your update
and explaining your symptoms through your healing process....
those good and bad days ar such a odd healing pattern....

so before it would b like pain days then 1 or 2 ok ish days.....
after months and month of going like that
now its like bad days - days of discomfort like a dull burning or an uncomfortable tightness or like a shadow of
a very disturbing pain from the early beginning months.....


reading and re reading your posts I see that you had the same pattern and then you moved into
bad days where there was mild discomfort or burning.....

I was wondering did this plateau of discomfort bad days also last months and months ?
also are you still noticing slow improvement of remaining 5% to heal ?

kindly V

Hazey123 wrote:Hi Vasilisa
I am happy to say that I am still very much better. Since my last message saying I had had a few good weeks I have had ups and downs but now I think probably a year and a bit on from the beginning of my recovery (approx 2 years after the whole misery began) I am officially so so much better. I can now ride a road bike for 3 hours without any pain which is miraculous given that a soft sofa used to hurt me. I still get some slight pain with my BM from time to time - my key thing was using movicol to make sure I kept things a bit soft (but not too soft) this stuff is magic. It really helps me and from time to time I still take it for a few days if my BMs start to get hard again. I fluctuate hugely in this regard for no apparent reason. But generally even if I have a hard and painful BM Im tender for a few days but I recover. So I am 95% normal now I would say. I will always feel scared when I need a BM and I will never use loo roll except to dab and then immediately shower. But this no longer rules my life. I refused all further intervention as I cannot bear the thought of that clamp holding me open and most likely causing more damage. my consultant actually told me this happens... which totally put me off botox. He said the micro tears caused by the clamp were worth healing the bigger tear.... eek. So ive just breathed through every BM, been careful with my diet, taken small amounts of movicol and tried to believe it would get better. Finally it really has, given lots and lots of time. I hope you start to feel better soon.

Hi Vasilisa
Yes my bad day plateaus would last for ages like weeks and months. I found relief only when I walked or lay down at night. Sounds like your start was similar to mine with an anoscopy that did the damage. Who knew this could happen I was so blissfully unaware. Honestly it took ages to heal but I’m really so much better I’d say I’m still not 100% but honestly it doesn’t bother me. Occasionally I feel sore/burning again but usually it heals again quite quickly. I’m still traumatised by the whole pain of it and will never feel fully relaxed having a BM altho Im so much better than I was. Days and weeks go by (other than during a BM) where I don’t think of the pain. So it can heal and it does heal. I live normally now and I never thought I would. I hope yours improves. As one friend I met on here said “progress is glacially slow” this is true but it’s still progress….

JHH wrote:Tore again yesterday with blood. Got my date for botox. 30th May. Sigh...

$


can you kindly update if you are now healed? thx

Hazey123 wrote:Hi Vasilisa
Yes my bad day plateaus would last for ages like weeks and months. I found relief only when I walked or lay down at night. Sounds like your start was similar to mine with an anoscopy that did the damage. Who knew this could happen I was so blissfully unaware. Honestly it took ages to heal but I’m really so much better I’d say I’m still not 100% but honestly it doesn’t bother me. Occasionally I feel sore/burning again but usually it heals again quite quickly. I’m still traumatised by the whole pain of it and will never feel fully relaxed having a BM altho Im so much better than I was. Days and weeks go by (other than during a BM) where I don’t think of the pain. So it can heal and it does heal. I live normally now and I never thought I would. I hope yours improves. As one friend I met on here said “progress is glacially slow” this is true but it’s still progress….

thank you for getting back to me , Dear Hazey

I can relate so much to the traumatising part of the pain- this week I had a Monday and Thursday - where my anus was burning through the whole day - and during other ok ish days (like 85-90% ok) - i cant relax - I am wondering what tomorrow will be - will it burn and how i will survive that day !!!
I know this burning has nothing to do with early moths agonising pain and spasms - but because its been 20 months - any unnerving/uncomfortable anal sensations freak me out and lately Im just taking Tylenols to dull the sensation/pain

like you im doing tons of waterly fruits and like 1-2 big kitchen spoons of prune juice

I think this trauma is deeply engraved into my body and soul....

On those burning sensations days I re read your posts and it gives m strength to push towards the light


thank you
V