The rules for this one is you have to make up a rhyme to go with Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi - eg
my fissures returned, is that really fair - WHOA HO LIVIN'ON A PRAYER!

Tommy's got a tear in his butt
Colon's been on strike
His stool took a bite, it's tough, so rough
Now he's shoving diltiazem,
But he's got a plan, as he snaps on those latex gloves...
Those gloves..
He says he's using Goldbond for what he's got
It doesn't make a difference if it's loose or formed or what
It hurts while crapping, it hurts a lot
Now he's thinking - about botox shots!
Whoa- my fissure's flared
Whoa - living with a tear
I'll take All-bran, and I'll take a wheat square -- Whoa-oh!! Living with a tear!

Did you make that one up Kim, thats hilarious?!!