Cheryl,
Thank you so much -- my real name is Chen btw :) I've also thought a lot about a colectomy, ileostomy, etc. I would love to just be able to eat what I want and not have to worry about the pain to come. I know no doc will ever authorize it for a fissure though. But I end up getting diagnosed with Crohn's or ulcerative colitis then that's going to be something I'll very seriously consider. I've heard of many cases of young people -- even younger than myself -- getting a stoma and being happy with the results because they are now able to live the lifestyle they used to enjoy. I've already discussed this possibility with my wife and she's all for it should it come to that because she knows the type of person I was before versus the one I am now. I used to travel the world, snowboard, moutain bike, and ride motorcycles avidly, and now I can barely leave the house.
I do try to keep in mind that there are people in this world in far more difficult situations. I had a friend of mine who was only 22 get murdered by some skinheads out in Poland years ago -- we used to go out on the town on the weekends, have a good time drinking beers, watching sports, and just hanging out... Then he went out to Poland for medical school and ended up dead a few months later with his throat slit. And I've seen a few people fight cancer (colon and stomach cancer) and lose. I've grateful that I've led such a full life: I have a wonderful wife, twin babies on the way, a secure and well-paying job, and have been all over the world on countless vacations throughout my 20's. Truthfully, I feel like I've experienced a lot more already than a lot of people do in a lifetime. So I'm pretty bummed about things every time I have a BM, but even if it were all to end today, I can't say that I haven't had a darn good run. Maybe it's a bit of a life lesson for me; all these years I've strived to go on vacation in foreign destinations, looked forward to buying fancy cars, taking expensive trips to watch NBA basketball games, etc., and life just wanted to remind me of what really matters above all else. I'm not really much of a philosophical or even spiritual guy, to be honest, but lately I've been wondering if this is some kind of punishment being doled out for being so focused on pointless things for so long.
I actually do have an antidepressant prescription, it's for something called Citalopram, one of the SSRI antidepressants. My doctor prescribed it to me along with Klonopin for anxiety and pretty much said I can have a lifelong prescription of both if I want. I've had moderate-severe (depending on the level of stress) obsessive-compulsive disorder and mild depression my entire life (I can remember the obsessive-compulsive tendencies as far back as about 3rd grade but the depression came later around college), and the doctor thought those might help me get a better grip on things that stress me. When I was in college I also suffered from panick disorder, complete with full blown panick attacks, for a few years, although that largely subsided after college. But now that I'm taking Valium and Percocet and also topical nitroglycerin and lidocaine, I figure it'd be best to leave the SSRI's out of the equation until the fissure is somehow contained. So yeah, I'm kind of a walking infirmary, probably one of those people who just wasn't intended to survive and has done okay even making it to this point.