Hey jman, +1 for Miralax here. My fissure was killing me BAD summer of last year and the pain wasn't tolerable until I started taking Miralax and eating veggie soup all the time. I also used nitroglycerin ointment and it helped, but by itself didn't make my days passable in any sane manner until I added Miralax. I'm not all the way back yet (I've had a few setbacks along the way) but I no longer live completely terrified of every bowel movement. Miralax takes a few days to "kick in" so if you're not doing it now, start ASAP. There's still no guarantee that your fissure will heal even with Miralax, but it's almost guaranteed to be more tolerable, so at least it'll buy you time until you decide to try LIS or BOTOX or whatever your next move is.
Trust me, I know it sucks bad right now, but most of us here have been to hell and back with fissure related problems, and Miralax has been a Godsend for many of us. This isn't worth ending or ruining your life over, please give stool softeners a try -- if Miralax doesn't work you can always try it together with some of the other ones like docusate sodium too -- and then decide if you want to try conservative treatment longer or get LIS.
Also, if you're having bad spasms, Valium has helped some of us here with that, so it may be worth asking your doctor about. It shouldn't be used long term but can most definitely help in the short term.
BTW do you go to Mizzou? I grew up in Columbia, right off Providence Rd in the University Heights apartments.

re miralax--i was in sam's club a few days ago and saw "clearlax" which is their generic version--60 doses for $20...walmart has something just like it 30 doses for $15...i've started using a dose of it in a container of activia yogurt (anybody have any idea if that is a good or bad idea?)

It says on the Miralax/Purelax bottle to take with 4-8 oz. of water, which is what I do. I buy Purelax at Walgreens.

Thanks you all, I really appreciate all of your input. I actually go to Columbia College now but they have similar counseling services I think, maybe I should look into that. It's just hard to be positive when you're a 21 year old that sits at home every night and whose every move is dependent on a friggin (pardon my french) fissure. I'm finding this current bout of depression difficult to deal with, like I said I'm NOT going to do anything rash, but I can't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind...pretty much everyday for a while now, which is SOOOOO uncharacteristic of me. There's a Pre-fissure me and a Post-fissure me, and damned if I don't hate the latter.
I'm so glad I found this board, it is loaded with great people who know what I'm dealing with (even more than I do myself) and for that I am extremely thankful. When are we all going to meet up and have a fissure party?! Miralax for all! Let me get a hit of that Nitro....

Hey Jman,
I totally relate to what you are going through. I'm 25 and had to deal with my fissure through a good part of my college career too. I had it for years before it was correctly diagnosed. I was told for years that what I had were Hemmies. I know that its really hard to see all your friends out having a great time, drinking beer and eating junk and knowing that they can do that without any repercussions. With that said, I would tell you to go get another opinion on your fissure. If its making you this unhappy, then obviously what you are doing for yourself right now is not solving the problem. So step 1, find a specialist and get a second opinion.
I, myself, had a very good experience with the surgery and while the healing was not fun, it has been totally worth it. I have my life back! While I am still on my diet, and I still have to drink plenty of water, and I take 200 mg of magnesium glycinate every night, I can still live my life with relatively little pain. I still have my flare ups now and then, but nothing that some hot baths and stool softeners can't handle.
I know you feel sad and desperate for this to pass. I know that its embarrassing to have this problem, especially at our age when none of our peers would understand what we are going through. Anything involving our butts falls under the embarrassing and don't want to talk about it category, but.... well, thats why this forum is here.
Please don't give up. If you want to talk further, please feel free to PM me. Let us know what you decide to do.

Kate

hi jman,
please go check out the counseling center - even if u just walk in to see what it's all about. there are also suicide hotlines if you ever really get desperate and need to talk things through.
i can imagine what it's like to be unsure of the future, especially when u r so young. when i was 19, i tested positive for hiv and i wasn't sure what was going to happen 2 me either.
i am now going to be 40 this year. i've spent my 20s and 30s with that over my head but it's all been very good and because of it, i have made very healthy decisions.
i got a fissure when in 2004 and finally had resolution in 2008. so yes it can take more than a year and in cases of some people around here, decades.
take one day at a time. and begin to add other activities - even if you think it is impossible fight your thoughts to make it possible - even with a nasty painful fissure, i did three marathons.
the biggest challenge for you is to find peace in your situation, even on the really worse painful days. i wanted to drive myself over a cliff one day because it was just nearly impossible to keep on driving! it was evil.
explore yoga. walking. breathing. breathing can help you at the toilet believe it or not.
calming your body and keeping your anxiety in check can also help the way your digestive system and in turn, how your BMs come out too......
dealing with your fissure is complex, not only a dietary issue, but mental, emotional, and spiritual process.
take this opportunity to find the message in your path and take the positive in what great changes you can make in your life ahead.
there was great news today in another post today about a young person too who was against all odds from a very dangerous condition and he is now cured. it's wonderful to hear this.
take all the positive around you and let it manifest in how you chose to deal, react, and act towards your fissure.
this doesn't have to be forever.........
we are all here to support you and definitely you are not alone.
the good news today is that you have a fissure - and not trapped dead in a car wreck - you know what i am saying? yes it's painful and debilitating, but u r going to live. you still have amazing things up ahead.
good luck.