Hi everyone and particularly to HappyAss. Thanks for thinking of me and wondering how I was doing. I was just reading several of the post LIS folks reports and was glad to see you are still doing well. Your toilet seat sounds interesting!
So last time I posted was Friday January 28th and after almost two weeks of no pain or bleeding I had a bad day ending with a very tight feeling and more pain than I've had for a while. After each of the two botox treatments I have had, I think I have gotten better each time, but what has happened is I have about a week or almost two weeks of pretty good other than skin tag irritation and then out of nowhere have pain and bleeding. I do have to say that the pain has not been as bad as in the beginning. Still after about 11 months now, it is discouraging. Maybe after all that time I have just gotten used to a certain level of discomfort and have almost given up on the notion of feeling completely normal every again...
So about three weeks ago I called my CRS and he was supposed to call me back. He never did and that did impact my thinking about him. I wondered if I was really with the right person,even though he has a very good reputation. Then I had my bad day that Friday and thought I'd just have to try and call him again on Monday or that next week since I was about 3 weeks post second botox round. In the meantime, my husband and I did something very unlike us and decided to fly to Monterey California on Sunday, Jan. 30th. I had some pain and bleeding that morning and was just resolved to go have fun anywayand not let this stupid thing impact my life anymore! And my cell phone rang and it was my CRS- on a Sunday at noon 3 hours before we needed to leave for the airport. He had discovered the note and my chart asking him to call me from 3 weeks ago at the bottom of a stack of things he was working on at home and called to see how I was and to apologize profusely. When he asked how I was, I told him that three days before I would have said pretty good, but that I had had this setback. He said he thought that after two rounds of botox I should be better and that he thought we should schedule the surgery. Hearing that we were leaving on a trip, he offered to call in Vicodin and lidocaine appointment prescriptions for me. I asked him what we should do if I was suddenly better, since I seem to have that pattern and he said he didn't think we should be "fooled" into thinking I didn't need the surgery.
So we left on the trip and I felt much better- about him as my Dr. and having a backup for pain if needed. So we got there and of course (and thank goodness) I was better ever since.
So I never really needed to use the pain meds or the lidocaine. Now I find myself questioning if I am just going to mess things up with surgery after finally getting better. My husband and sister keep reminding me that he said we should go ahead and that I was better for an entire month back in September. Reading some of the LIS reports make me feel like it will all be fine and the right thing to do. And others frankly scare the ____ out of me!
Sorry to typically be so long, but I am by myself tonight and really letting my anxiety get the best of me. I think I'll go watch reruns of Gilmore Girls and curl up with my dachshund!
Thanks for listening!
Bambi
P.S. This was one of the best and most spontaneous trips of my life!

Bambi, you'll be just fine! The anxiety is normal -- you'd be crazy if you didn't feel any, after all. It's definitely true that we get used to a certain level of pain or discomfort, and that becomes the new norm. The longer you have the fissure, the more you forget what life was like without it.
I'd agree that many folks feel "fooled" into thinking surgery is unnecessary in the days prior. That's usually how the mental aspect plays out :) But don't stress it. If you do feel perfectly fine, you can still cancel. It's entirely your call, and a lot of people do postpone elective surgeries. So just try to take it easy (easier said than done obviously) and play it by ear: if you feel like you don't need it, then cancel regardless of what anyone else says. But if the fissure just comes in and out of focus and never really stays down for the count, then surgery probably really is your best bet at nuking it once and for all.
I think we were having a bit of a cold spell around the time you were over in this neck of the woods, but hopefully the weather cooperated enough to provide for an enjoyable trip!

Hey there NG! Thank you so much for responding. I hope you are doing ok. I know you had a setback in December, so I hope things got better quickly for you?
I forgot you were in California. It was a little on the cool side, but nothing compared to Las Vegas and certainly not what we would have experienced at home. I had not visited California since I was 7 in 1961! Ironically, that's also the last time my husband was there as well.
We flew from Denver to Monterey because my husband (who is a major car lover but has mainly owned Hondas for 20 years and that sort of thing) has been on the lookout on Craigslist for a convertible. We had a Plan B of flying home if he didn't want to buy this particular car but it was what he had been looking forward to and a good deal- a black 03 Tbird! So we took off driving down highway 1 that day and ate lunch in Carmel and then stayed in San Simeon and went to Hearst Castle the next day. We then drove across to Bakersfield and Barstow and made it to Las Vegas that night. Stayed there 3 nights and then drove a pretty horrific 18 hour day from Vegas to our house. The coast was so beautiful! I want to go back and spend more time there. We loved it!

Our crazy amount of driving, by the way, had to do with trying to beat a snow storm because the rear wheel drive TBird was not something we wanted to be driving across the passes on I70, but ended up in a very dicey situation on Vail Pass and the approach to the Eisenhower Tunnel. Thank goodness for heated seats- that helped me a lot and like I said, I was somehow remarkably better last week! A very nice respite.

Hey Bambi, ya I had some interesting things happen lately. Long story, but the ass front (or is that back :)) is mostly stable at the moment, which I can't complain about. And big time knock on wood!!!
Sounds like you and your hubby had a good time picking up the car! Hey I'm somewhat into cars and have owned a few Hondas too. Current car is a '05 Subaru STI, but the one before that was a '04 Corvette Z06, and the one before that was a '02 Honda S2000 (the funnest and my favorite of the bunch). Gotta love California right ... yeah there's earthquakes, high taxes, crime and oh yeah the state's broke ... but hey at least you can drive convertibles year round
Anyway yeah the coast is a nice drive. Lots of quaint little towns down there (Cambria, Pismo Beach, Big Sur, Solvang) and also wine regions (San Luis Obispo, Paso Robles, Santa Maria). Now that you guys own a convertible you'll have to come back sometime! Maybe after you make a remarkable recovery following LIS and realize just how simple the procedure was compared to how freaked out you were :) :) :) :)

Thank you NG for the encouragement. It really has helped me calm down. And yes, we will have to come back! This trip made me realize how much I miss just having fun and not obsessing constantly about my backside!
We were not expecting to go through all the wine country on the road from Paso Robles to Bakersfield and then all these orchards out that way- we weren't sure what kind of trees they were, but we did see signs for almond growers?

Bambi wrote:Thank you NG for the encouragement. It really has helped me calm down. And yes, we will have to come back! This trip made me realize how much I miss just having fun and not obsessing constantly about my backside!

Hear hear!!! Hopefully in a few months you won't have to think about the ol' derriere at all!
Ya the guys in the Central Valley (basically the more rural parts of the state that aren't close to SF or LA) grow all kinds of produce. If you drove from San Simeon to Vegas then you probably took the 58 to get from the 1 to the 5 and then the 15 though -- the only wine region that passes is Paso Robles, which isn't one of the more scenic ones because it's mostly desert out there. Good place to stop and pick up a couple bottles if you like zinfandels (and to a lesser extent pinot noirs) though. Most tourists like to come up to Napa or Sonoma (about an hour north of here) since it's a little prettier (but also more expensive so my wife and I actually head down to where you guys were for "wine trips"). Oh and if your husband is a car guy, there are all kinds of race tracks out here (although I suppose there may be plenty of those in Colorado too?). Friends from out of state seem to get a kick out of Laguna Seca in Monterey. Maybe when you take your post-op vacation?

Good advice from NG. I don't have much to add except some moral support! And encouragement to take a post-LIS trip back to California! :D

hi bambi,
congratulations!!!! so you have an LIS in your future! is your skin tag also going to be removed? get them both done at the same time.
i am so happy to hear that you went on a spontaneous trip and that you totally had a good time despite the going concern of the butt. sounds like you really enjoyed yourself and that it did you and your hubby some good.
if you can focus on future trips and things that you want to do post-LIS, it will help get you through it.
do you know what time your procedure is going to be?
***
at this point, i am glad you are feeling really good.
i guess the only thing i would keep in mind is that if you can live the next couple of weeks without worrying too much about your butt - ie, what you eat, what OTC supplements you take (miralax, fiber stuff, etc.) - and if you survive then maybe you can postpone your surgery.
but really, if you feel that you have to walk on eggshells and are always hyper-alert at what you do or not do to avoid upsetting your rear, then you deserve the opportunity to do the LIS now and get it done with.
i see it this way too, the less trouble there is down there - ie, less pain and irritation, you may have a quicker recovery. that is just my theory. no actual claim or truth to it but just an observation.
so this may be a good reason too to do the procedure at this time when tissues are happy and attempting to mend - they just need that extra help to make it complete.
stay warm!
stay positive!
big hugs!