I searched this topic on the boards and did not see. So here I am unveiling YET another issue. UGH. ok so it seems with all the pressure and pain DOWN THERE. I am very hesitant to engage in sex. This may be more on the woman's end of that, as penetration seems like it might hurt. Have any of you avoided sex during this A/F healing process? I'm sorry if that subject is personal but it does tie in to the effects this dam A/F is having on many aspects of my life. Guess my fear is tenderness or more tearing .I been liking things very clean and quiet down there. shhhh.Its resting.Healing.

Hey Kristi! There have been a few discussion on this forum about sex - I've looked for them because I had the same concerns! From what I've read, sex is just a no-go for most folks. It often hurts, for both men and women.
There was no way I could have had sex with my hubby while I had my fissure! I was in too much pain. I was quite depressed about that. I was also not able to do a very good job making him happy in the various creative ways that are available. The positions required for oral sex were just too uncomfortable, and I didn't have the energy to pleasure him by hand. I was just too worn out to do all that work! (sorry if I'm offending people, but I tend to talk about sex pretty openly). Chronic pain and anxiety also tend to kill the ole libido!
Now that I'm healing and feeling better, I intend to make up for lost time! The lack of sex definitely compounded the depression I suffered. My hubby is amazing, though, and he was happy to cuddle and he gave me nice long foot rubs and shoulder rubs. I owe him so much, I'm going to be very busy doing some rubbing for him very soon!
The impact my fissure had on my sex life was a pretty major motivating factor in my descision to get the LIS and get myself healed. Don't despair - you will feel like having sex again and it will be enjoyable again too!

For me as a male it was not good..
It would aggravate the area and then I would get levator spasms which were worse than the fissure..
Good thing my wife never like it much anyway..
More like she didn't like me that much to begin with...
The whole ordeal basically has put a end to our marriage.
We still live together but more like roomates now after 17 years and probably soon I will move out..
If you have a spouse that will understand and go through this with you then you are a really lucky person.
I don't blame my wife that much now... I don't know if I could listen to someone whine for 5 years either..
You'd have to be married to a saint..
I guess this thing is just not considered serious by the medical profession and etc..
I tried once to explain it to my wife as imagine putting a clothes pin or a mouse trap on your ass and then sit on it..
Now imagine trying to be happy in relating to people during the day.
I guess no one can understand chronic pain unless they have it..
Sometimes you have put on a good face even when you don't feel good.. It's amazing how we can do that around people at work but not with our loved ones..
I tried to pretend it was not so bad and try to look at people much worse off.. Sometimes that would work..
Imagine being homeless or working hard labor and having a fissure with no medical insurance...
"Circumstances don't make the man, they reveal him"
I was a whiney hiney..

Oh, Ouch, that's really sad. I'm so sorry you have to deal with your marriage breaking down because of all the pain. You are soooo right though, no-one can understand the pain unless they go through it. It is difficult though, to put yourself in someone else's place, painwise.
I was quite lucky to have an understanding hubby, who held me as I screamed in pain every night and prayed not to wake up the next day! We couldn't have had any kind of hanky-panky in that time - I was just focused on the pain, and hell of it all.
On the night of my LIS, we did though, and it was fine. My attitude then was "what's the worst that could happen, get a fissure?!"
It will heal, Kristi. Give it time, you will get your life back!

ouchtear, I too feel sorry for you! I have learnt this week just how much the medical profession don't take us that seriously! I empathise with all u married folk. This is one side of living in fissureville that I haven't had to deal with being divorced. Got to say though, I find it hard sometimes just sitting on my ass watching tv never mind owt else Chin up Kristi and one step at a time. Look at Val :D

Ouchtear - I'm so sorry your marriage is breaking down with all this. It's hard enough to live with a fissure, never mind the stress of a dissolving marriage on top of it all. I'm so very luck that my hubby is so good to me. I really wouldn't have survived all that I've been through without him. I'm glad you're here - this is a great place to talk to people who know what you're going through.
Val - you are one brave woman! Sex the NIGHT of your surgery! Wow! You just redefined courage!
Yes, Kristi, Andrea's right. Things will get better and your sex life will thrive when you're healed.

Hope, ur hubby got a brother
I shouldn't moan as my kids are helping me out alot!
I am so glad I can air my views on here as they don't know the half of it..

Thanks Folks..
The fissure made me miserable to a scary point of depression.
I would'nt want to live with someone like that either..
I would hope that I would of learned more about compassion during this whole ordeal.
Good news is that I am more optimistic about the future since My health seems to be improving rapidly. I look forward to happier times with maybe someone new someday.
I feel like I can dream again..
So don't feel sorry for me...

Brill!! And, I don't feel sorry for you ;-) ok :D
I am so happy that your feeling optimistic and your improving!
We all live & learn. Someday soon, you will be called for as the one with the compassion and big heart. And you will be there for whoever it is! Carry on as you are and don't change.

Hey Ouchtear - I'm certainly not sorry for you, just sorry about how things have gone for you. I know what you're talking about being depresssed in a scary way. I was there too. Wow, those were very dark days. I'm defnitely a more compassionate person after all this, so I'm going to try to turn this experience into something that makes me a better person. It sounds like you're already doing that too. I think that means you were already a very good person and now you're just getting better!
I'm so happy that you are improving rapidly and you are more optimistic. It makes such a difference when you can dream again! I just started thinking about my future in happier terms too. You future will be wonderful, and you'll get to share it with someone wonderful too. :D