Many thanks for both your replies - I am not alone - someone understands.
The Anoheal cream I believe was the lower concentrate nitrate cream. I used it unsuccesfully. It caused nothing more than a rash in the end.
I am going to an appointment with my specialist next Tuesday as I was too concerned in my last consultation and I felt too frightened to go ahead with surgery - the last resort. I have seen advice on this forum regarding questions to ask the consultant. He is the "main man" in my hospital area. He has operated on my mother who had her major bowel operation after suffering from divericulitis. He is thee specialist but I tore during the last botox he administered.
A month ago I found this forum by chance - if only I had found it sooner.
I have found the advice on diet, surgery pros and cons and advice on just generally how to live with a fissure, very valuable. I read all the new posts and I think " I know the answer to that!" and it makes me feel not so isolated. I have only started to tell people about this recently as really who would want to know and only because you can see something is taking its toll on me.
I couldn't image being incontinent. The thought terrifies me. I went through IVF treatment twice as I have endeometriosis, had a
traumatic delivery with my first child and a section with my second. I know what pain is and I measure my fissure pain on that scale (gas and air and above during some bm) yet I am terrified at the thought of this surgery.