So I've finally figured out one piece of the puzzle, i.e. I know how to get my stool to be consistently soft (although it's a bit too soft, but that's better than hard!). It also doesn't sting because I've cut out fruit for the most part except bananas.

But if my stool gets even a bit harder/firmer/bigger - I get a micro-tear in the sphincter and I'm in pain (about 4/10) for a couple of hours, and it really gets me down. Oddly enough, I don't get the spams I keep reading about on here!

I feel this is a micro-tear because when I apply Aveeno anti-itch lotion (which someone recommended in another thread) it stings like crazy. When there's no tearing, applying this lotion does not feel like anything.

I'm starting to suspect that my ass is just too tight.... I've read on another website that someone stopped re-tearing after dilating with 2 fingers for 3 weeks.

This makes sense! If I can fit in 2 fingers, a normal bigger BM should be no problem.

I've read some of the dilation threads, someone said it only worked temporarily.

Is this a long-term cure???