I've been reading this forum for some time and it's been very helpful. I finally decided to join because I'm in dire need of peer support.
I'm a 19 year old girl from Finland and I've had an anal fissure (probably several!) for over a year. On top of that, I found out today that I also have an hemorrhoid which I believe I've had for 2-4 weeks now.
I can't even pinpoint the exact time I got the fissure, but I know it was from sex. During the first half a year, it wasn't really painful at all and only bled occasionally, so I figured that it would go away on its own. But last November it started hurting, more and more each time, and soon the wound would open every time I pooped (I guess you call those bowel movements?), even when the stool was very soft, nearly liquid.
These days the process is long and difficult, often lasting a half an hour. And the pain is so bad. I've never felt something like this. There is both burning and very sharp pain and I have to fight to keep going. I believe there are several fissures, because as the stool moves forward, it feels like several of them open one after another. I also often experience pain after a BM for several hours and it's hard to sit. The amount of blood is scary as well - it starts dripping into the toilet before the stool and toilet paper is covered in it.
I started getting very afraid of going to the toilet and it doesn't help that I also often have some contipation, even though I eat a lot of fiber. My BMs decreased slowly and now I'm lucky to have even 3 of them during a week and I've often been without one for over a week, which also causes stomach pain.
Believe it or not, during the last two weeks I've had two bowel moments. I know it's my fault, since usually I could go to the toilet (I do take laxatives, a few times a week, but I know I should take them every day to get the full effect), but I just can't stand that half an hour of hell and would rather not think about it at all. But I promise to get better at this - I have to.
Eating also stresses me a lot as it'll just produce more stool. I'm a small girl (5'3", 109lbs) so my calorie intake is usually pretty low anyway, around 1500 calories, but now I sometimes only consume 1000-1200, which naturally just makes me more fatigued and tired.
You might wonder why I haven't just gone to the doctor already. I have a long history of depression and social anxiety. When you're very depressed, it's very easy to just hide under the covers and try to forget all these stressful things. I've also constantly had to visit a therapist, a dentist and a physiotherapist, so having to visit another doctor, especially one that will be dealing with such a painful and embarrassing problem, just stresses and tires me.
But this month I decided to finally do it and go to a doctor. Before I continue, you should know that in Finland we have both public and private healthcare. The public system is great, since anyone can get help regardless of their monetary situation, but the lines for non-urgent care can be long.
I was told that it will take a month till I can see a doctor so in the meantime I should go to the ER to have it checked out just to be sure. I was gonna go tomorrow morning, but ended up going during the night. I sat on the toilet for an hour, covered in sweat and crying, because I had a very strong urge to go but my anus was too swollen and there was also more pain and blood than usual.
At ER, they confirmed that I indeed have anal fissures as well as a hemorrhoid but nothing else life-threatening. The doctor told me the constipation needs to be taken care of and gave me some laxatives (Movicol), an enema as well as some weak painkillers. I really wish they could have given me something stronger (I have experience with painkillers and know that those won't help with a pain like this) and some sort of numbing cream.
Now I'll just have to wait for the doctor's appointment which is in early August. I already dread the many painful months ahead of me, but I know I can no longer ignore it and will have to start taking laxatives regularly and just go to the toilet, no matter how afraid I am. I already eat a lot of fibers but I should increase my water intake a little. Fortunately I live with my amazing boyfriend who is very supportive. Hopefully this forum will also give me strenght.
(Whew, that was long - thanks to anyone who actually read it all. :) )