Too young for this nightmare

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Too young for this nightmare

Postby Taija » 28 Jun 2012, 03:05

I've been reading this forum for some time and it's been very helpful. I finally decided to join because I'm in dire need of peer support.
I'm a 19 year old girl from Finland and I've had an anal fissure (probably several!) for over a year. On top of that, I found out today that I also have an hemorrhoid which I believe I've had for 2-4 weeks now.
I can't even pinpoint the exact time I got the fissure, but I know it was from sex. During the first half a year, it wasn't really painful at all and only bled occasionally, so I figured that it would go away on its own. But last November it started hurting, more and more each time, and soon the wound would open every time I pooped (I guess you call those bowel movements?), even when the stool was very soft, nearly liquid.
These days the process is long and difficult, often lasting a half an hour. And the pain is so bad. I've never felt something like this. There is both burning and very sharp pain and I have to fight to keep going. I believe there are several fissures, because as the stool moves forward, it feels like several of them open one after another. I also often experience pain after a BM for several hours and it's hard to sit. The amount of blood is scary as well - it starts dripping into the toilet before the stool and toilet paper is covered in it.
I started getting very afraid of going to the toilet and it doesn't help that I also often have some contipation, even though I eat a lot of fiber. My BMs decreased slowly and now I'm lucky to have even 3 of them during a week and I've often been without one for over a week, which also causes stomach pain.
Believe it or not, during the last two weeks I've had two bowel moments. I know it's my fault, since usually I could go to the toilet (I do take laxatives, a few times a week, but I know I should take them every day to get the full effect), but I just can't stand that half an hour of hell and would rather not think about it at all. But I promise to get better at this - I have to.
Eating also stresses me a lot as it'll just produce more stool. I'm a small girl (5'3", 109lbs) so my calorie intake is usually pretty low anyway, around 1500 calories, but now I sometimes only consume 1000-1200, which naturally just makes me more fatigued and tired.
You might wonder why I haven't just gone to the doctor already. I have a long history of depression and social anxiety. When you're very depressed, it's very easy to just hide under the covers and try to forget all these stressful things. I've also constantly had to visit a therapist, a dentist and a physiotherapist, so having to visit another doctor, especially one that will be dealing with such a painful and embarrassing problem, just stresses and tires me.
But this month I decided to finally do it and go to a doctor. Before I continue, you should know that in Finland we have both public and private healthcare. The public system is great, since anyone can get help regardless of their monetary situation, but the lines for non-urgent care can be long.
I was told that it will take a month till I can see a doctor so in the meantime I should go to the ER to have it checked out just to be sure. I was gonna go tomorrow morning, but ended up going during the night. I sat on the toilet for an hour, covered in sweat and crying, because I had a very strong urge to go but my anus was too swollen and there was also more pain and blood than usual.
At ER, they confirmed that I indeed have anal fissures as well as a hemorrhoid but nothing else life-threatening. The doctor told me the constipation needs to be taken care of and gave me some laxatives (Movicol), an enema as well as some weak painkillers. I really wish they could have given me something stronger (I have experience with painkillers and know that those won't help with a pain like this) and some sort of numbing cream.
Now I'll just have to wait for the doctor's appointment which is in early August. I already dread the many painful months ahead of me, but I know I can no longer ignore it and will have to start taking laxatives regularly and just go to the toilet, no matter how afraid I am. I already eat a lot of fibers but I should increase my water intake a little. Fortunately I live with my amazing boyfriend who is very supportive. Hopefully this forum will also give me strenght.
(Whew, that was long - thanks to anyone who actually read it all. :) )
Taija
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Re: Too young for this nightmare

Postby Greyson » 28 Jun 2012, 08:46

Hello! I am so sorry for what you are going through. I too am going through the same thing as I have had a fissure now for 2 months. It is so painful at times I have gotten very depressed and don't want to go or do anything. Sometimes after a bowel movement it would throb for 10 hours straight with no relief. I went to the doctor and she gave me some cream that is suppose to help it heal faster but it's still a slow process. Everyone's body is different and healing time is different for everyone but as someone told me it will heal and you must hold onto that. The day when you will be pain free and the fissure is gone. I'm wanting that day so bad!! Yes you should drink alot of water and try taking some stoll softeners....also watch what you eat like peanuts or anything that could hurt coming out. I'm taking 3 stool softeners a day plus Miralax and drinking water like crazy and it's keeping me loose which is helping with the pain when I go. Keep your chin up and know that you are not alone my friend. I am from the U.S and I am a girl too. Take care!
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Re: Too young for this nightmare

Postby Kat » 29 Jun 2012, 06:55

Hi Taija
The ER doctor didn't recommend Rectogesic (Glyceryl trinitrate)? It is an ointment that you insert and it helps the af heal. Main side effect is a headache but in my experience the headache is worth it.
In Australia it is pharmacy only medicine but you don't need a script to get it. I used this with great success for 11 years. It is only the last year that it didn't work quite so well for me and last week I had the surgery but I continue to use the Rectogesic.
We all share your pain. Keep you chin up. It's good that you have a supportive boyfriend.
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Re: Too young for this nightmare

Postby ragini » 30 Jun 2012, 10:17

i m young too...just 17 and had gone through surgery ...i live in india and thank god my dad is in govt. service so we get the doctors help soon...and i have too went through so many mental stress which is the actual reason for my fissure .....and now was the time to say goodbye to the tensions but i guess god has different plans and so he created this mess at the end moment so i could not go to college and live my dreams ....i m just so depressed about this fact ....my clg starts in 9 days and i m not in a state to go through the train journeys with loads of bags and hundreds of people figthing for seats :(... you are lucky to find your guy Taija and very very very lucky to live with him and having no parent problem for this...:(
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