by pain-alfissure » 29 Oct 2012, 15:19
ok anya i called the nearest colorectal surgeon in my area left them a desperate message for them to call me back , explained my situation and pleaded that they help me anyway they could, even if thats just advice. We will see if they call me back, i might call another one 49 miles away but thats a small distance to get rid of this large problem. I've taken miralax before I have it, its sitting in front of me now, only problem is last time i took it, i threw up all night. NOW i will say i think i overloaded the dosage, i was desperate and hadn't ate much that day, so I think it was a me thing. I'll try again today, i just threw up i didn't get a fever so i'm not scared to throw up if it turns out I'm just not good for the product or vice versa. I got my moms getting me a sitz bath as we speak :) ...
Last night shorty afrer writing to you yall, i had the worst BM in the history of BM"s, im guilty sometimes of stopping my BM when you get that movement rush because im fearful it will hurt, so i sit half on the seat and literally close the passage so that I can let it out in my control.... thing is...... do that enough and then it will come out with or without you letting it. That happened the day before yesterday and i swear i thought that was the worst and largest BM ever, I literally lifted off the seat, i had moments i couldn't breathe, this pain that felt like my ass was being torn in mutliple places like paper felt like electricity (anyone know what i mean when it feels like lightning rips, like this sharp almost electroshock feeling) anyways and i let out 1 extremely large stool. Now that was the day before yesterday, blood ran down my cheek dripping in into the toilet like it had been raining and i after the 30 seconds (if that) of totally and complete release (that feels almost euphoric in a way, that i've missed so much) was gone shear and utter rush of burning, itching, pain. ]
But last night/this morning...... OMG, yesterday I took 3 tablespoons of EVOO, ate oatmeal in the morning with whole wheat bread, had craisins, drank more water then in the past month, and took 3 sool softeners (the max i can take according to the bottle) and it was the largest thing I've ever seen come out of me, if you get my drift it was as wide (dont mean to be gross just want you to understand) probably a bit larger, extremely firmer and shaped like a croissant i was shocked, and it was red because of all the blood that was covering it. and then after..... omg... guys after, my eyes just watered from thinking about it, i had the worst sharp pains, spasms, omg, i just kept asking god why? why me? why is this happening to me? and i know thats so juvenille, so selfish so ignorant but I dont get it, i dont understand, i need some closure i need an explination because never in my life have I know anyone to go through this i mean everyday agony everyday fear, limiting the things i can do, the ppl i can see, the places i can go.
Tears steam down my face now cuz im so scared. Today i can barely walk i keep patting my bum and theres very faint red blood everytime, is this something more then anal fissure? do i have more then 1? cuz im telling u that BM either ripped it from CM to inches or it created more cuz it was massive, maybe too much fiber? i can't figure out this 3D puzzle and its killing me, literally its killing my soul, my faith, my hope, my social life, my relationships, and those things make up me so its killing me. Slowly, painfully, and continuously. I'm depressed and I look around and see everyone around me not going through this and it makes me mad, not because they are not but because I am. It crazy the things we take for granted, if I didn't give a shit then, I surely do now, pun intended.