Hello I'm new, I'm a gay 26 y/o male with HIV

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Hello I'm new, I'm a gay 26 y/o male with HIV

Postby pain-alfissure » 19 Sep 2012, 06:54

Well what a title huh? I feel like in order to get the best advice I need to be honest and hope that maybe there is someone as similar to me as possible, not because I only want those people to communicate to me but because having anal sex and HIV are key factors to well... your anus lol. Here we go:
(If you are uncomfortable with homosexuality and homosexual intercourse, I advise to not read this post. I do apologize but in order to express my feelings, my symptoms and my history I feel like I must, although I feel I have done it in a very professional way.)
As stated im 26 y/o and I am gay, the thing that gets me the most is #1 I've torn my anus many times during intercourse because my partner was either too large or impatient. It would bleed instantly of course and a couple days would go by that when I had a BM there would be blood and a bit of pain but things would go away. #2 Why have I never ever heard of an anal fissure in my life until I had one I may of never let someone penetrate me if I had known. and p.s. Now I'm thinking of being straight, maybe my mom wished this on me lol.
But in all seriousness this has not only effected my life, eating habits, mobility, mood, confidence, and the list continues all the way to my sex life! I dont know if this post thing has a limit of characters, but if it does, im gonna reach it guaranteed.
About 3 weeks ago I went to pass a BM and it hurt a bit, blood was on the toilet paper but I didn't know why, or where it came from because I had not engaged in anal sex and I didn't think the BM was very large. But I dont know, maybe i was tense that day I was at my aunts house and I hate pooping at others peoples places so I get tense and weird. Anyways, time went on and sometimes the skin around my anus would get irritated and burn and be sooo uncomfortable. I dont know what this is called but does anyone know what im talking about? I think it is caused by not fully drying or wiping, could be wrong. Fast forward, to the last 2 weeks and progressively this is getting worse.
Its so fluctuant it pisses me off, one day Its not that bad, the next its indescribable and I know you all know what I mean so i wont bother telling you the metaphor of what it feels like. Like most I jump online and start researching reading horrific stories of people and how they have had these symptoms for years and sometimes the BM paralyzes them, others of having cancer and its just so stressful reading all those posts. Time continues and I assumed I had hemorrhoids so I was using prep H and then I see that there only seemed to be one "hemorrhoid" a pocket almost or a sack, white sometimes redish.
Doomsday: So in fear of passing a BM I dont visit the room of pain for 4 days, I dont even feel like I need to, the mind is strong and i truly believe mine refused to realize I had to go. I don't blame it, after all pain is in the mind. So I sit on the wonderful bowl which I've grown to love these 26 years of my life, always leaving with such a great feeling, sometimes euphoric always relieved and lighter. But the bowl has turned on me. I sat there for 3 hours, i was constipated even though i was taking 3 stool softeners a day those 4 days. I battled my body with the urge to push out and the fear that kept it in... I literally was having a war with myself like the conscience and the sub-conscience and the sub was winning. Finally I gave up and said I need this out now. And I pushed my way to the most pain I've felt in my life. There was no relief, no happiness no hope just tears, and tears and blood and tears and then I went to get up and my anus tightened as it always does and almost brought me to my knees in pain. I'll never forget that day.
I patted my bum washed my hands took 4 steps into the hallway put my hand on the wall for support and cried my "manly" eyes out like I just lost my lover, in a way, I did. (more to come on this) so that was the first traumatic episode. that was about a week ago. Now today, same thing, I didn't go for 3 days (didn't have to) and this time not bright red, but dark red and some clots. I used to have bright red blood wld stop bleeding mintues after but bleeding went on for hours (2) minimal like barely see it but still present. I'm scared guys and gals, who am i joking, im terrified.
Today the spasms or I dunno if its spasms but just utter discomfort that comes and goes like like fly who won't leave u alone. I go from walking talking to silent standing and my family sees it and its extremely embarrassing. I know they must be concerned and worried but the fact that they are thinking in their heads ( I bet its cause hes gay and had intercourse) maybe they are not, but I would be if I was unknowledgeable about anal fissures which i was. today i cried myself to a nap (so masculine) and woke up feeling better. Heres what I've learned and what Im going to do thanks to some reading on here. I've never posted anything online but this is serious to me and so I need advice in any way i can. Here we go again:
Tried:
Stool Softners: Kinda worked not really not enough
Laxative: Love it, but not guranteed I can take 3 and if I hadn't pooped in a day or two the first BM will be large and tear it, which feeels like more then what it was.
Some more fiber: I dunno if this helped or not i didn't track it or anything
Vicodin (watson 840? or 820): Before each BM, quite frankly I won't stop taking this before the BM so I'm not sure if its helping and because the pain I do have is already so extreme you couldn't pay me to stop taking it cause i can't imagine how much it hurts w/o it.
Water: Not very much more I need to improve this one the most I've read.
Crying: Doesn't help, makes me feel weak, and embarrassing
Stress: Before each BM I almost pass out from the anxiety of the pain
Not going: Bad idea, ive come to find out this is probably why I'm not healing but its hard as u all know
What Im trying as of today:
*Sitting in warm water for 5 minutes 3x today one was after my BM and the other 2 just randomly, but i read I need to do 30 is that right? And do i really need a sitz bath or can i use a regular bathtub or sink if i disinfect it afterwards?
*Drank only water today no other liquids although I dont drink much but hey its a start
*started eating no sharp food, whole wheat spaghetti, passed on the french bread, no soda ( i love soda like you wouldn't believe) I mad an avocado banana pineapple smoothie today so good
What I know I need to do after reading here
*Water Water WAter, right?
*more wise food choices
*see a CSR (but no medical insurance)
*Petroleum jelly for lubrication before a BM
*Poop once a day, sit on the toilet for 10 min each day whether i have to go or not
*Water lol
I ordered this wheatgrass superbalm that i read about, the testimonials for anal fissures are off the charts has anyone tried this? I mean it sounded like heaven reading the comments on different websites I just be getting this tmw, im really hoping this works.
Questions I have on what to do or if its normal:
My bum I feel like smells like poop. After a BM I pat although can't pat directly on it cause its so swollen and sore so around and i do a little dab on it, i sit in water for 5 min and then pat dry, use a blow-dryer on low speed to dry furthermore and today used baby powder for moisture absorption but it still smells like poop sometimes, i feel like i'm leaking sometimes i can feel the my anus "dripping" but nothings there when i feel or look on my underwear. the area just gets moist throughout the day and i hate it.
Since my sex life is destroyed and its been so embarrassing explaining my situation to anyone without them thinking its a STD or something. But even when I masturbate my anus will start hurting... is that normal for any guys, I know when we ejaculate and when we start to be aroused that muscles does tense im guessing that the cause?
Keep it dry? or moist with ointments?
Guess thats all for now sorry sooo long, i know im forgetting a ton of stuff but i'll just leave it at that for now seeing how its 5 am and im exhausted. Thanks for reading if you did, any advice wld help. thank you.
pain-alfissure
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Re: Hello I'm new, I'm a gay 26 y/o male with HIV

Postby TLTOSU » 19 Sep 2012, 08:43

Hey!
Your HIV meds and the pain killer are contributing to your constipation. Obviously you cannot stop taking them right now, so you MUST drink TONS of water, and increase your fiber dramatically to counter the meds. This is not an option. You need to do it. You need to realize that your diet has got to change, unless you want to stay this way forever. Cut the processed crap out, more whole foods, grains, fruits, veggies. It's a new way of living. Which is good because it's healthier. I can't even look at a doughnut or pastry right now, it makes me hurt down there just eying it. Think what goes in must come out, and you want foods that are going to create soft stool only going in!
The baths as explained to me are necessary to keep the blood flowing down there so you can heal. Heat is the key. I bought a hard foam pillow today but it KILLS, so I'm going to switch to a heating pad while working sitting at my desk all day.
You also need a medicated suppository if you have a fissure. Mine was $58 US.
Also keep it lubricated, the consensus seems to be petroleum jelly, which is also I think the main lubricant in the prep H. So until you get on the RX suppositories (Neomycin?) to heal the fissure, maybe use that on the outside and inside.
But the HIGH fiber needs to start NOW or you will make it worse and if you don't change the diet, your next hard stool will rip the fissure right back open again.
I have been adding flax meal to my instant oatmeal in the AM, then to whatever Lean Cuisine I eat for lunch. Then everything I eat has fiber in it. An apple a day, beans, fruits, veggies. Force it in. Like I said, it's a lifestyle change. But food is fuel and also we need special fuel now that we have our shared issue. Mine is caused by straining and hard stool and improper diet. But what ever the cause, it can be reversed by diet and prevention.
Don't skip the baths! I know they are incredibly inconvenient, I've been doing one per night for 30-40 mins, I take my laptop in and play on Facebook to make the time go quicker. But I really have to start doing one in the AM too...
GOOD luck to you! Also, I will have NO prob. telling my boyfriend once I find one that anal is off limits. It is non-negotiable. You have to just find a partner that will accept it or move on! Lots of other stuff to do! :)
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Re: Hello I'm new, I'm a gay 26 y/o male with HIV

Postby Savaici » 19 Sep 2012, 09:00

Hi there, and welcome to the forum. Image Sorry that you are in such pain, and believe me, we know where you are at Image
Just wanted to give you some posts that you could go through, written by a couple of our male members, as you go through the list. I am sure that some others will come up with advice for you, and there is a vast amount of information here on the various lists.
http://anal-fissure.org/st/NeuropathicGuy
http://anal-fissure.org/st/happyass
From what you wrote :
What I know I need to do after reading here
*Water Water WAter, right?
A. Yes, but don't go over the top, but get enough that your urine is clear.
*more wise food choices
A. Yes, yes, yes. I don't eat much, and am over careful, through experience.
*see a CSR (but no medical insurance)
A. Go to the ER and insist, if that is at all possible. Or there are doctors who will take you as a patient and you can pay it off. Someone might come with suggestions about that, as have seen that thought put out here before.
*Petroleum jelly for lubrication before a BM
A. I use Petroleum jelly, and of all the things tried - including Wheat Grass, and loads of other things - has been the most relieving.
*Poop once a day, sit on the toilet for 10 min each day whether i have to go or not
A. I go twice a day. I DO use a Sitz bath (from Rite Aid) afterwards (for about five minutes in all, rinsing the water inbetween). I use soft dampened toilet paper to dab, then Johnson and Johnson sterile gauze pads, wet with warm water and squeezed out, to clean. I am VERY gentle, but get all 'residue'. I never use soap on my arse!
And I dilate...see 'self-dilation' thread.

Try not to take too many pain killers. I take nothing and never have. It has been hard, but times are a little better for me now. Spend time READING what is here. There is so much info, and do not be afraid to ask questions. Use the search feature above right, as it can provide a lot of info as well.
Prep H does nothing for fissures (not sure if you said something about that, but will throw that in). What you need is nitro, Diltiazam or Nifedipine to help bring blood to the area and aid in the healing of the fissure. That is what happens down there; the tightness stops the flow of blood. Nitro, Diltiezam or Nifedipine help to relax the blood vessels to the internal sphincter.
I have probably missed some answers to you questions, and will check back later (and see you have a reply). In the meantime, just know we are here for you Image

Savaici
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COCONUT OIL HEALS SKIN CONDITIONS

Postby Coconut Oil Healed me » 19 Sep 2012, 09:48

If you are willing to try something new go down to the grocery or health food store and purchase a jar of VIRGIN Coconut Oil. It is used in cooking and is a natural anti-inflammatory. You can put it on an open cut and it will not burn. It smells like coconut and is sweet to taste.
You can use it as a lubricant before a bowel movement. It isn't sticky like vaseline.
As soon as the white paste is warmed by your body it turns to oil.
You can use it for cold sores, acne, wrinkles, dry skin, massage, etc.
I used it to heal my raw skin after going to the bathroom up to 30 times a day. It will relieve itching. Read my other posts. Coconut Oil healed my fissure. NOT the prescribed fissure creams.
Coconut Oil Healed me
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Re: Hello I'm new, I'm a gay 26 y/o male with HIV

Postby Ever the Optimist » 19 Sep 2012, 10:40

Hi Pain,
Really sorry to hear of your suffering and hoping you find what you need to do very soon to get through all this stuff. I can only echo the advice in the above posts and stress that you need to seek some form of medical help as soon as possible to check out the fissure and confirm that's what you're dealing with.
I would say that I used the Diltiazem Cream and this played a huge role in the healing of my fissure, so if you are prescribed one, give it a go. They do not provide the solution to everyone but in my case, it did.
I did pretty much what everyone has suggested here, and most importantly changed my diet to be fissure friendly. I also applied Aloe Vera as a relief and continue to take a tablespoon of olive oil every night to ensure a smooth morning BM. I'm also a big fan of flax meal......
Truly wishing you all the best and hoping you get back on track soon :)
Chronic Fissure diagnosed December 2011
Healed by Diltiazem around Feb 2013
Anal Fistula followed burst abscess in June 2012
2 internal troublesome piles remain & suspected, but undiagnosed, ongoing Levator Ani type symptoms & flare-ups
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Re: Hello I'm new, I'm a gay 26 y/o male with HIV

Postby pain-alfissure » 19 Sep 2012, 13:12

Wow, let me just say first, thank you so much for your speedy replies and words of advice and encouragement. I appreciate the love.
TLTOSU: I am not nor have I ever been on HIV medication. They said I could start anytime but they kinda of made me believe that it wasn't urgent. I've done my research and I know its best to start asap but for reasons I'd rather not get into, I'm not taking them now. With that said, that isn't a factor of my constipation but I know the vic does as well. I will take your advice seriously becuse you sounded very serious about it, more fiber, water, the thought of putting a something up there makes my eyes water, and believe you me, I wish I could put something up there if you know what i mean lol. But I'll look into it. Can u buy them over the counter? or do you need a prescription.
savaici: same question the Nitro, and others you recommended can those be bought over the counter or do you need a prescription? And thank you for those links I will be reading them shortly.
Cocunut: Good to know, thank you i will be purchasing this asap
Ever the Optimist: Thank you and question you take olive oil every night.. LIke orally? just swallow a tablespoon of olive oil? Any suggestions on making this not so potent.
Another question: (God am i happy you dont knw who i am) Does it hurt anyone else to pass gas sometimes? Like if the gas kinda comes out fast? LOL
pain-alfissure
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Re: Hello I'm new, I'm a gay 26 y/o male with HIV

Postby PinkSparkle » 19 Sep 2012, 14:16

Hi & welcome to the forum :)
You should try eating flax seeds, they're great stool softeners!
Try using very soft toilet paper and don't wipe. You can use baby wet wipes.
Good luck!
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Re: Hello I'm new, I'm a gay 26 y/o male with HIV

Postby Neen » 19 Sep 2012, 16:07

haha yes it does hurt to farty tarty! i had my first surgery in april and my ass was so tight before and after. I felt a victory when i could finally pass gas! I helped myself at times by gently separating my cheeks so it could escape as I think the area becomes so swollen at times we cant relax it enough to let the gas out! i had surgery again last week and i am back to square one. Anyway I wish you luck and about being glad no one knows you...I feel the opposite..I would love to be able to talk and cry to someone in person who has gone through all this. and i do appreciate your honesty. One of my sons is gay and I am always praying he doesnt ever go through this!
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Re: Hello I'm new, I'm a gay 26 y/o male with HIV

Postby Savaici » 19 Sep 2012, 17:59

Hi again, pain-alfissure,
Nitro (can be compounded by a pharmacy, or there is Rectiv, which is ready-made), Diltiazem and Nifedipine are all prescription only. 
Olive oil: I also have about a tablespoon or so a day. I mix it in with my food and I really do think it helps. Don't think of it as being potent, but rather as something that could help you with having pain free BMs.  I use the very best one I can get and it is organic too. What we do for our bums...
Read up on fiber and the different types, here on References, Websites and Facts. This is the link: http://anal-fissure.org/t5380-fiber-insoluble-soluble. Quite important about the different types of fiber. 
I use Milk of Magnesia every evening, though a lot of members on here use Miralax. You need something to keep your poop soft (as toothpaste is how many describe it), but start off slow with whichever you decide to use. I take nearly 30ml a night. Both MOM and Miralax draw water into the colon and make the stools softer to pass through. Miralax can be mixed into orange juice or any liquid.  
With you only having had your fissure for just over three weeks, it is still early days, and believe me, this is when you want to get something prescribed that will give it a chance to heal and for you to be rid of it. I wish I had known what I know now about the 'art' of healing a fissure!
All the best!
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Re: Hello I'm new, I'm a gay 26 y/o male with HIV

Postby jr2 » 20 Sep 2012, 00:38

Hi there Pain,
You've already received some great tips, but I just wanted to jump in and welcome you to the forum, and to add how sorry I am about your suffering. We all understand. Just a few things to add.
1. You've got to find a combination of diet and stool softeners to get your bowel movements more regular, soft, and easy to pass with no straining. This is critical. For some, fiber helps, for orhers too much fiber makes things significantly worse. You need to experiment with your diet to find what works for you. Water, yes, but don't overdo that either. You can actually do more damage with too much water.
2. With your HIV status, healing could be even more complicated and difficult. Also, the possibility of fungal overgrowth cannot be ruled out as something that could delay healing of your fissure. You really do need to get in on at least one visit with a specialist to both get a prescription for a topical like nitroglycerin or nifedipine, and given your HIV status, possibly an antifungal as well.
3. Anal sex is not advisable, and won't be for quite some time, if ever. In the meantime, exploring other avenues of sexuality would be a safer choice to give your fragile anal region a long rest. That being said, gentle dilation done carefully in a stepwise fashion can be therapeutic for fissures.
4. Emotions. Let them out. Cry. It has nothing to do with manhood. If you need to cry, let yourself. It is very cathartic and releases tension.
5. Stress. Reducing stress is essential. Whether it is music, meditation, reading, prayer, art, writing in a journal, self hypnosis, guided imagery, anything you find stress relieving. With your compromised immunity and your fissure, you need to shift your physiology into a more healing state. The constant stress circulates stressful hormones that impede healing. Find a practice that works for you, and practice it.
We all understand your pain. Any time you need to vent or ask questions there are so many kind and informative people in these forums.
Wishing you the best and relief from your pain very soon.
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