I had another retear over the weekend. The pain has been unbearable. Fortunatly, I have been able to have a few small bms. Usually I am not able to go at all for a few days. I had a small bm last night which I was so happy about. I decided to stay home today from work to soak and apply creams to treat the fissure. I tried to not push all day so that I had some healing, even though I had to go.
I tried to have a bm a little bit ago and to my surprise it was kind of easy. However, I felt the swelling and pain start coming on and I tried to push hard a couple of times to get what I could out. Unfortunatly, nothing came out and I start bleeding again. Now I retore the fissure and I am pain again .
Does anyone else do this? Does anyone get excited that they are able to go a bit with no pain and try to get out as much as you can then hurt yourself again? It is so frustrating. I can't stop crying when I go now. I work so hard to hold my bms back so I can heal and when I finally go I hurt myself again.