Hi ringoffire
I do a combination of dilation and massage. Dilation to help relax and stretch the area, massage to increase blood flow and keep scarring as minimal as possible (physical therapists have long known that massage helps soften and break up scar tissue). Both of these things have been invaluable for me in living with fissures. I've never made things worse by doing either, but everyone is of course different, and I've learned with fissures there just is so little we can count on! But dilation and massage have only been beneficial for me. It does require a lot of patience, being willing to devote some time, and being in it for the long range and really getting to know your body. When my fissures are very deep I just go very slowly with my dilation and massage and by adjusting angles and pressure I am able to avoid putting pressure directly on the fissure itself. Once the dilator is actually in, I have no fissure pain at all as the muscle is "unlocked" during that time.
We have a thread here discussing self dilation if you'd like to read through it and join the discussion there.
http://anal-fissure.org/t4261-self-dilationHere is a link to dilators that come in a range of sizes.
http://www.ssp-inc.com/Products/Pediatric_Anal_DilatorsWhat size to start at is a tough call and depends on your own degree of tension in the area. A good benchmark is to begin with your finger. (i use gloves to prevent any mishaps with a hangnail!) ... If you can insert an index finger, a starting point with dilators would be approximately 15mm.
This set goes up to 19mm, and so beyond that there is this option
http://www.cmtmedical.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=409&zenid=rlojh4hlq2ln4ukqf5f1p7o011Some people have also just visited their local sex shop and purchased dilators from there at less expense, but the selection and size ranges are more limited. But that would work too.
Also, the Yahoo group for fissures has a Files section where we compiled a file with the stories of several members who successfully cured themselves of fissures with self dilation and how they did it. There are also a couple of active members there performing dilation at home. (myself included).
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/analfissure/Hope that helps! If you have any questions, just ask! Feel free to message me any time. I know exactly what you mean about these fissures and the disruption on life. I think it is a highly underestimated affliction by the medical community for the level of pain and the impact it causes.