I just googled "anal fissure support forum" out of sheer desperation because it seemed like a better idea than lying on my sofa crying alone, which was what I had been doing after coming off the toilet and seeing the toilet bowl bright red. I should be used to it but it never fails to freak me out and immediately assume I have cancer.
I've had a chronic fissure for so many years that I can't pinpoint exactly when it started because I was a child when I got it. It comes and goes but has been worse lately. I finally plucked up the courage to go to a doctor two months ago, because I really do not want to actually die because of embarrassment, and she had a feel around and said I'd had a hemorrhoid, which had left a sort of skin tag (which I can see and feel) and that there was probably also a fissure but there was nothing to be concerned about. I think I need to go and see another doctor, because I can't accept that a toilet bowl full of blood is no cause for concern, but in the meantime I am going to go ahead and self-diagnose.
If you're on here then I don't need to tell you about the pain and discomfort an AF can bring, nor how worrying and scary it can be. I just need to feel less alone, and I already do. This is not something I can sit around discussing with my family and friends, so I'm very grateful that there are others willing to share and support.
I have read two interesting things. The first is that AFs are often caused by stress and tension, which lead to reduced blood flow. I have spent most of my life feeling very stressed and anxious and totally unable to relax. A friend of mine is a deep tissue masseuse and she is unable to work through the tension in my lower back, so I can very well believe that there are blood flow issues back there. I HAVE TO LEARN TO RELAX!!!
The second thing is that you can use coconut oil on, and apparently even in, the anus to help (not sure if it can heal or just alleviate symptoms). Anyone have any experience of this?