This is HELL!!

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This is HELL!!

Postby CJCJ » 18 Jun 2015, 21:02

Hello all,

I started reading here and figured I might as well share my story too. I hope its OK to get a bit 'personal' in my introduction. My whole life I've never been constipated, nor do I usually have hard/large BMs, but I have been known to strain to get fully empty. I'm not much for eating vegetables but am a big water drinker so I think that really helped keep me 'regular.' Then about 2.5 months ago I saw a drop of blood and started getting some pain and discomfort and was hoping whatever it was would just heal. BMs were a bit uncomfortable and I had to make a 'donut' out of a blanket to sit at my desk. But life was reasonably livable.

Then about a month ago just when things seemed to be getting better I did have something large to pass and it must have ripped/cut something inside. Sitting was getting more painful and there was constant but not killer pain. Unfortunately it just got worse and worse. For the last 10 days, life has been hell. I can't sit at all, the pain is constant and comes in waves from medium to killer. Driving is a nightmare - I have to brace my left foot on the dead peddle to lift my body off the seat. I have a stick shift so I've been clutching with my right foot and only using 1st, 3rd and 5th gears. My daily 'constitutional' each morning is torture and sets me up for 10-12 hrs of pain. It kills me even when its 'soft and loose' and the worst part is when I clinch back up again. (Has anyone else had that? It hurts badly even when I finish urinating and clinch my pelvic muscles back to 'hold' position.) By evening I can lay on the couch with my feet up and relax a bit with only mild pain, but when I fall asleep the pain can wake me up as more 'material' gets ready to exit. So quite a few mornings I'm awake at 4 with no chance of sleeping again.

I put off going to a Dr because I was laid of last year and have been living off savings while working for a 'not yet making money' startup company. I finally pleaded my case a few days ago to my previous Dr and they very nicely saw me for only a co-pay amount. I got Recticare Lidocaine cream and Hydrocortizone acetate suppositories and was told to use 800mg ibuprofen. I have noticed ZERO affect of the 'numbing' cream and ZERO affect of 'pain-killing' ibuprofen. Unless I suppose it would be worse without them.

Today I went to a Colo-rectal surgeon specialist (out of pocket for $120) and he used a numbing jell to quickly examine me and I almost shot threw the roof!! There was NO numbing at all and it hurt like hell! He said it looks like a "nasty" fissure and for the last 10 days I've also got a small hemorrhoid starting and maybe thats where the fissure is. Thankfully he had a sample of Rectiv for me, as I've seen prices are astronomical. He said to see if it starts healing and come back in 3-4 wks. I cant imagine living with this that long!

I always thought I was good with pain - I've hammered my finger, had badly bloody knuckles from working around the house, burned myself working on hot car engines... One time I sliced my finger and fingernail on a table saw. I just taped it with a napkin and electrical tape to stop the blood from getting on my project and kept going cause I wasnt done yet. But this is UNBEARABLE! Both the colo-rectal Dr and his nurse told me to sit up on the table to check me. Huh???? IF I COULD SIT DOWN I WOULDN'T BE HERE!!!!!

{sigh} ... Well, I am sorry for my LOOOOOONG rant and being such a downer. I hope I didnt spill TMI but I think it should be ok on a 'butt' forum. :) I'm just sure you are the only people who would actually understand what this is like.

If anyone is still reading, I did have a few questions :

1) How successful is Rectiv in healing these things? How quickly is there SOME semblance of progress or reducing of pain?
2) What is the cost of surgery and how successful is that? I'm almost ready to tell them to cut me open (at full price) if it can stop this...

I've taken to not eating on some days (or eating very little) - I have about 20lbs I can afford to lose. And when the pain gets really bad (for no reason the pain just spikes - is this the 'spasm' I've read on here about?) I've started punching my thigh to give my brain some different pain to deal with (tops of thighs can take a beating before bruising... strangely, buttocks bruise pretty easily.)

OK, thats enough. Sorry for spewing all over your nice forum..

CJ
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Re: This is HELL!!

Postby hurtinend » 19 Jun 2015, 22:46

Sorry CJ yes this is very difficult to deal with and I sympathize and relate to your work and the stresses of making a living while dealing with daily pain. I find that although the fissure is small, it hits me with an overall feeling of sick discomfort, sometimes extreme. Today was the worst for me in recent memory. Laying in bed with an ice pack on my ass, party Friday night? Not a chance.

Get a sitz bath and soak in it several times a day, it does help, and eat lots if steamed veggies and keeps the bowels moving I wish you the best
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Re: This is HELL!!

Postby CJCJ » 20 Jun 2015, 17:34

Thanks 'hurt'... I've been doing the same with the ice cube wrapped in a washcloth between the buttcheeks. Anything that can NUMB the area is good.

And I started with the toilet mounted sitz bath too. I don't really notice a difference, but it is supposed to help the healing process.

Best of luck to you in healing
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Re: This is HELL!!

Postby Canadabum » 22 Jun 2015, 15:31

CJCJ....ouch!!! So sorry that you are going through this hell....i posted some ways that i dealt with the pain on lemonshark's post in this section so you can read my top 12 list for trying to deal and get a handle on this pain in the arse.

As Winston Churchill so famously said (at least i think it was him)..."When you are going through hell....keep going". It is a beautiful sentiment...just keep walking and get out of there. To that end, I came across a great book called "You are not your Pain". Reading it will not stop the pain but it may help provide you with strategies to deal with this acute phase you are in. It will provide you with strategies that may be more effective and less painful than smashing your thighs :)

I used Nitro (rectiv) and found that it took about a month or so for the pain to begin to taper off....to a bearable level. I too remember using the left foot in the car to suspend my butt off the seat...We all heal at different rates, so it will be hard for anyone to pinpoint a date for the pain reduction. Give yourself a good month and keep a diary each day. Rate your pain out of 10 and use descriptions....that way you can go back over the weeks and will have a better sense of your progress. I know i had lost all perspective while i was in the fog of war. One evening I told my wife (after a few months of dealing with this) that i was not getting any better -- she then reminded me of all the ways I was getting better....honestly it was amazing to me that i could not see it -- when we are in the thick of it, it is hard to see progress -- so the diary will help a ton. If you have the time keep a log of what you eat and drink....this too will help you sort out what works for you and what doesnt.

All best -- take it one day at a time, one hour at a time....you will get through this

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Re: This is HELL!!

Postby CJCJ » 22 Jun 2015, 15:47

Thanks Canada... Its just so unbelievable how painful this can be and yet we are FORCED to use this 'area' every day! Last week I was ready to put in a colostomy bag so that I could STOP using 'it' and let it heal! Its pure torture knowing it will hurt, feeling it hurt and knowing you still have to GO and make it hurt even more...

I called in for a pain med on Friday and got a low dose of Tramadol. So with that, the Rectiv, the sitz bath, adding fiber and (seemingly useless) Lidocain, the past 2 days haven't been as deadly painful. I don't want to get my hopes up but I was actually able to walk around the block yesterday and a short drive today was only minorly painful with using a donut. I guess if this doesnt last at least I had a break and gave my thighs a few days to heal. :)

Thanks for the tips and I will definitely reread LemonSharks post.
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