How does everybody keep going . . . ??

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How does everybody keep going . . . ??

Postby Sweet Bugaboo » 10 Jan 2012, 13:38

How is everyone here coping? I'm having trouble, and I'm really in a weepy slump.
After almost 3 months of this misery, I had thought I might be turning the corner - but I'm not even sure about that, given the spikes of pain I've had.
Anyway - this a.m. I had a (post-prune) explosive BM, and now I feel some soreness down below again - pain level at about a 4-5. It's hard to even give the pain a number, because I'm in such a mental slump.
I just don't want to go out, I don't want to see anyone, and I'm on the verge of tears. I'm going to have to force myself to shower - and then I'll pray for God's forgiveness for not being stronger or having more faith. I realize that (for me) this is a spiritual battle, too, along with an actual physical battle.
I don't know how my husband can tolerate all of this. I'm a raggedy mop of what I used to be. Seriously, it's true. --- I've had friends contacting me - one wants to go out for lunch, one wants me to come visit, etc. - and I just can't be around anyone right now. Of course, I don't care to discuss this problem with them . . . And my family? Well, I've pretty much sunk into a hole - so, they're on their own right now. My daughter has a doctor's appt. tomorrow - and it's an important appt., and she needs my support - and I'm wondering if I can rally myself to go with her . . .
Honestly - this is not like anything I've ever gone through in my life. Just the thought that things are still sore down below, is enough to keep me in a total funk, unless I can fight it very hard.
How are you all able to keep going, without totally being a mess???
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Re: How does everybody keep going . . . ??

Postby Sue1962 » 10 Jan 2012, 14:10

I think everyone is different. I just kept going like that damn AF wasn't there. I wasn't going to let it control my life totally. It did to a point, like my diet I totally changed and lost 20lbs which was good, but not that way. I would put a smile on my face and greet my patients everyday, and thankfully, I don't have a sit down job, up all day and walking. Was I in pain and burning and throbbing and spasms, hell yeah, but I do have a high tolerence to pain and advil was my best friend. I got to the point that I was tired of fighting and had surgery yesterday and wish I had done it sooner.
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Re: How does everybody keep going . . . ??

Postby grannymaria » 10 Jan 2012, 15:00

Image I got diagnosed just last month.. and am so thankful for all of you here - encouraging one another and helping us newbies with this issue..
I guess like Sue1962 says - we gotta keep going and like so many others have said - it will get better - it's just gonna take a lifestyle change - our eating and water intake and more mobility..
SweetBugaboo - just keep thinking positive dear.. I am and we have to take control of this situation and not let it control us.. we are here for you sweetie.. God bless you.. Image
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Re: How does everybody keep going . . . ??

Postby Sweet Bugaboo » 10 Jan 2012, 15:13

Thank you, Sue and granny -
I did manage to shower - pray, shower, pray.
My pain is of the dull-ish kind today - kind of in the fanny muscle, too. (Don't know what's up with that.)
Sue - I hear ya - I tell myself, too, that I just need to keep going and maybe this thing will heal, given proper diet, supplements, etc. I'm trying to hang in there, but it is tough, sometimes.
Plus, I have a VERY active imagination (always to the morbid) - and that doesn't help matters.
granny - thank you. I'm really trying to hang on, and not completely lose it, but it's hard. I just want the whole mess to go away. I know we all do.
This is a nightmare. --- Thank you, everyone, for any support/comments/info.
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Re: How does everybody keep going . . . ??

Postby Jenbug » 10 Jan 2012, 16:26

Know what I do? I polish my sink. Then I swiffer the house. I force myself to go for a short walk with the dog. Then I come home and take a deep breath.
Then, I make myself think of ten things I'm thankful to do that day. Then I find something I love and I do that. Something immersive. A funny, easy to read book series. A movie. A video game.
Maybe I take a nap, but by the time all that rolls around, it's time to make dinner. So I throw myself into that and think about -only- that. I know its hard to ignore the pain and uncomfortable feeling, but it can't control you. You can't let it.
I was like you, I cried all the time, lived in the bathtub, wouldn't see or talk to anyone..and then I realized all I was doing is being unfair to myself and letting the pain control me and not it.
So tomorrow, I want you to get up and polish your sink. And think about nothing but that. Do little things all day, thinking about only the task or entertainment at hand.
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Re: How does everybody keep going . . . ??

Postby Sweet Bugaboo » 10 Jan 2012, 16:50

Jenbug, thank you for your comments.
I know you're right -- but it's not just the pain with me (although, that's been bad enough) . . . sometimes my mind runs wild, and I become afraid that this could be something else. On top of that, this bout with the fissure is far worse than my first go around. I even have pain in some of the muscle area around the anal area.
It's all enough to send a person over the edge.
I've had two crs look at me. One didn't see anything - and he said that my fissure (which he had seen 3 1/2 yrs. earlier) was fine. The other crs said I had a fissure - and I'm due back to see him next week. He's also the one who did my colonoscopy 3 yrs. ago.
Well, anyhow, I am trying to keep things done around the house - but that's tough for me, because I suspect this whole thing has put me in somewhat of a depression.
So, I pray, I try to get things done, then I worry, then I obsess over this whole thing, then I pray more, then try to get things done. It's exhausting . . . but I know you're absolutely right (about not letting the pain control me). I'm having a battle with that, though.
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Re: How does everybody keep going . . . ??

Postby Sue1962 » 10 Jan 2012, 18:47

I know it's hard but don't let your mind get to you. My mother had colon cancer and I of course thought OMG that is what I have, b/c I too had the pain in the butt muscle and different feelings all the time. Even though, I had a colonoscopy 3yrs ago and 5 yrs before that and all clear. Just keep your mind busy and tell the Dr. (if you are ready you want surgery) it was the best thing I did. Today is post op day 1 and yes I am bruised, sore and swollen and didn't poop today, but I have not had any spasms or fissure pain. AND I didn't have to take any pain killers, just advil. I only wish I did it sooner!!!
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Re: How does everybody keep going . . . ??

Postby Sweet Bugaboo » 10 Jan 2012, 19:39

Thanks for your response, Sue.
I'm hoping you'll keep us all posted, with regard to your recovery and what kind of experience this has been (and will be) for you.
Did you suffer a long time with your AF? Also, if there's a fissure in there, wouldn't it suffer more during surgery? I guess I don't understand the mechanics of the whole procedure . . .
And you're right about not letting this get to me. Gosh darn, I know that - but my "emotional" side is a heavy fighter to my logical/sensible side. --- I'm glad to know I'm not the only person with pain in the muscle area. That has kind of had me worried - but then, what doesn't have me worried?? Image
Anyhow, I very much appreciate your and everyone's responses. This forum is an emotional lifesaver for me.
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Re: How does everybody keep going . . . ??

Postby sterlingbird » 10 Jan 2012, 22:29

Jimmy Buffet said "breath in breath out move on". I know this week would be especially hard due to the large full moon. I have watched human behavior very closely for many years. The moon, fall and the first of the year seem to pull people emotionally. When I feel it coming on I try to take as much in stride as I can tolerate and make no big decisions. Take it easy on your self so be kind.
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Re: How does everybody keep going . . . ??

Postby Sweet Bugaboo » 10 Jan 2012, 22:35

sterlingbird, there may be something to that.
It's just hard for me to not get very emotional - but I am trying.
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