Hey Galamat,
This sounds great!! You definitely sound like your healing process is kicking in and you are doing all the right things!
Don't stop those morning walks either!!!
The more I read about hemorrhoid removal, the more I realise that that's one procedure you most certainly want to avoid! I have read so many posts now of people suffering AF's as a side effect of that....
Great to read your post....hope to follow your story through to a very happy ending! and yes, wouldn't it be great if we could all get together to party!!
You ARE beating this!!

HI Galamat..happy for you that it sounds like you are on your way to healing..that"s awesome. The spasms are the worst for me..I have had the fissure for almost 4 months, and my spasms can last for hours, and then most days the feeling of a golf ball wedged up the 'ol poop shoot..Found what I thought was a miracle suppository, but unfortunately I have not healed and still have those spasms..Personally, I elected to have surgery and am scheduled in the next few weeks. According to my CRS my canal is narrow and I do have a hemmoroid or two, so he will remove the biggest hemmoroid along with the LIS. I will admit to being terrified but I have been living a miserable life lately, and I am known to be very outgoing, friendly, full of life and energy..haven't been that way in months. And honestly, I am tired of the poop ritual and just wanna be normal. Best of luck to you and a speedy healing!!

Hi Juls814
I completely understand you, I also have my moments when I start thinking that my only way out is another surgery, because exactly what your CRS has told you about the narrow canal.
I hope you the best, you'll see that everything is going to be better after the surgery. I have definitely been where you are right now, when you feel that the surgery is needed because you can't go on like this anymore. My hemorrhoids where so big that I couldn't even go and buy the groceries, I was desperate to get some relief, the fissure is nothing compare to what I went through in my pregnancy, I went three days in a row to the ER because I couldn't stand the pain of my clotted hemorrhoids.
I will try a few more months before considering it, since I had my hemmies removed not long ago, and what keeps me going is that every day I feel different, so my body is changing some how I don't know how this is going to turn out in the end, all I know is I want to live one day at a time.
Good luck!! and please let us know how you feel after the surgery, we are here to lift your mood!

Update!!
25 days without re-tearing,
30 days since I started my morning walks. (this has really made a difference)
My pain during BMs is 0-2, so not bad at all.
My spasms are better, but I still have some days with the golf ball feeling but not all of them. I feel that my anxiety is a big part of problem, because when I have meetings with friends or I'm just able to relax I forget about the spasms (can you believe that??). Does any of you have experienced this?
I have been thinking that maybe I should talk to my doctor about a possible depression or anxiety disorder, but I'm still thinking about it. When I was younger I had two clinical depressions, depression runs in my family :(, so I know how hard is to get off the anxiety meds, because they cause dependency. That's why I want to wait I few more weeks to see if I can heal physically and mentally.
The morning walk really helps me because I have time to relax.
I try not to get too excited about not re-tearing, because I'm still very afraid of disappointing if I re-tear, so just trying to do my best all days. Eating healthy and eating fiber but not too much.
Well guys just wanted to share this with you. Have a wonderful day and never loose hope.

Go Galamat!
Fabulous reading!! Keep up all the good work.....
I am so happy for you to read this and fingers crossed, this just gets better & better for you until a time when you don't have to worry any more......
Yes, I can totally relate to that "pressure" sensation too and the fact that if you create enough distraction, you totally take your mind off it and feel SO much better. I'm a great believer in the mind-body connection and I do so believe that a healthy positive mind has a HUGE impact on physical recovery and certainly, the ability to bring yourself into a state where you can deal with things so much more easily and effortlessly until you reach a stage where things are a lot better and life is a lot easier and happier again. If it's any consolation, I too have been prone to some terrible bouts of depression and anxiety in my life-time and it also runs in the family. When I was going through the worst of this, I fell into such a black hole, I went back to my GP who strongly advised I start taking Sertraline again because I was in such a state. Well, no matter what people think of ADs they are there for a reason and they were my saviour in helping me pick myself back up and restore all the faith, strength and optimism I needed to fight this thing head on. I think you are completely wise in your decision to give yourself some time but look at how far you have come!!!
If you need to see your GP to discuss it all, do it, but my feeling is if your healing continues the way it is, you may not even need to do that because you will feel so empowered from the very fact you have been dealing with a huge challenge and yes, you are beating it!!
The spasms will eventually disappear as your healing gets better and better and you simply relax so much more, but you are completely correct in adopting a "get on with life" approach in the meantime. ...
Yes, the fear of a re-tear will always be there (with me too & probably forever to some extent and I think that probably speaks for all ex & current fissure sufferers ) but the further you progress, the stronger you get mentally, and don't forget although still delicate, the actual fissure area is also toughening up and strengthening too.
I think you are doing brilliantly! and don't ever stop those morning walks now - they seem to be doing you the world of good!!
Thanks so much for sharing - just keep up all the great stuff that is helping you, stay positive, relaxed and focused and no, absolutely never lose hope!!! ........

Ever the optimist!!!
Thank you so much for your inspiring message, always so appreciated.
About the depression, sertraline was prescribed in both of my depressions too :D, what a wonderful medicine. I know it might sound weird, but only if you have been in a depression you know how good it feels to be recovered.
I'm starting to feel exhausted after months of hems during/after pregnancy and now several months on this fissure, I try to be strong, but sometimes my brain just get tired. I'm doing what my psychiatrist said to me once "when you start feeling depressed start doing exercise because the human brain segregates serotonin with exercise", but I'm afraid it won't be enough this time. Let's see how this turns out, like you say I need to think positive and keep doing what I do, thank you.. thank youuuuu!!!

Update:
Guys I can't believe this, I'm in shockkkk.
Today my BM pain was like 3 out of 10, and I saw I string of blood in my poop. I couldn't see the blood in the paper or in the toilet water though, I'm so confused, because I didn't have pain after or spasms, what does this means????
I just don't want to think I'm back to square one, I just want to jump back to yesterday, this is not fair whyyyy whyyyyy

Galamat,
Deep breath! and exhale...........
You are simply on one of the lows of the roller-coaster ride and after suffering something like this you automatically mentally fear the worse again. Do not expect every day to be wonderful (not just yet)......Blood yes, but NO pain, NO spasms - This is actually GREAT even though seeing blood is always scarey.
I still get the odd BM which makes me wince, (it's not possible to get perfection all the time no matter how hard we try) the other day I also saw, what I thought was blood in my stool, but thinking about it carefully, I can't be 100% sure as I ate beetroot/ tomatoes/red peppers and some red jelly beans too! Blood could actually be from an internal hem too and not necessarily from the fissure at all......Blood does not always mean a retorn fissure.
I'm pretty certain you are NOT back to Square one! but your mind is in panic again and that's normal after having experienced a raw and painful fissure. I had a frightening set-back about a week or so before I was fully confirmed healed, so please hang in there!!!! If the fissure has badly retorn, I'm guessing you would be back to more severe pain by now. If not, it is more than likely just a bad day and tomorrow will hopefully be much better again!.........
Take Care, bide your time and distract yourself from it all. It's highly likely it's not as bad as you fear. Please keep updating too............