Hi all,

I'm posting this story to share my experience so that others my benefit from it. Hope it helps.

My fissure first started sometime around Thanksgiving 2012. I was forcing a bowel movement because I was going out for the night and just didn't want to have to use the bathroom out at some club. Stupid. I experienced a bit of bright red blood but absolutely no pain. Thought it might have been a hemorrhoid or something. No pain and didn't happen on my next bowel movement so completely forgot about it.

Less than a month later I started getting this burning pain after using the bathroom. No blood however. Very odd. Never experienced anything like that. Actually I've never really had any medical problems so this was all new to me. Initially the pain wasn't that bad, maybe 3/10 and after a bit of googling (somehow I never came across anal fissures when I was googling this...) I figured I had a hemorrhoid of sorts - preparation h time.

Tried that for a few weeks. Christmas passes. Its burning more and more. We are about a 6/10 pain level. Getting more uncomfortable. Lasts anywhere for 2-4 hours. Having to sit anywhere (car, couch, chair etc) after a bowel movement makes it much, much worse. If I am unlucky enough to have 2 bowel movements in a day that equals 8 hours of pain. This is starting to be bad. The only thing that temporarily stops it is lying in a tub of hot water and heating pads. I loved my heating pad.

Preperation H isnt working and looking back I think i might have made it even worse by sticking those stupid suppositories up there and playing around. I become very familiar with my burning ass.

Sometime in early to mid January it gets bad. Really bad. I remember sitting up on a Saturday night at 1am debating on going to the ER. I had no idea whats going on here. We are talking 11 out of a 10 on a scale of 1-10. Its the type of pain that I cant even remember how bad it hurt. Never felt anything like that before and hope to never feel it again. They say its spasming but I couldnt feel any spasm 'waves' just burning after a BM. And tight. Like a clenched fist. Soul crushing burning. Lie in the fetal position on the bed/floor pain and wait for it to pass in 4 hours. Sometimes so much pain that even a hot bath cant knock it down. 2 bowel movements in a day equals day of pain. OTC pain meds do nothing. The next day my ass is literally sore from the burning/clenching. I can't relax it.

Still self diagnosing. Stupid. I don't think its a hemorrhoid. I'm really not bleeding on BMs. Doesn't really hurt on bowel movement but something 'feels wrong'. I see nothing externally. I feel nothing internally. I don't have anything hanging externally so its not a thrombosed external hemorrhoid and they say that internally hemorrhoids are usually painless so I'm ruling out hemorrhoids at this point. I land on 2 possibilities: anal abscess or Perianal hematoma - somehow I never landed on a fissure which is what it was the whole time.

After a couple of days of the death pain I finally figure out its a fissure. I start taking more sitz baths. Stool softeners and fiber 3x a day. I go to my PCP (and I'm not exactly looking forward to anyone prodding my ass but you reach a point where you dont care what they do to you - just fix it..) who wont prescribe me any nitro/dilatizem cream and diagnoses as a hemorrhoid and prescribes hydrocortisone but says I should see a specialist.

Colorectal guy prods me and confirms fissure (I could never see anything). Gives me diltiazem. We discuss LIS. Says we have to try this first and LIS is the final option. I apply as directed, but it never really does anything. After a week of continued major pain even with the diltiazem I make an urgent appointment, and we do the LIS the every next day. I was lucky I didn't have to wait.

Mind you this was my first surgery (other than tonsils out as 3 year old) and I'm young enough to not really have spent any real time in a drs office, so I'm sort of sketched out by the whole deal. Don't like people touching me. Dont like 'losing control'. Don't like anyone really 'taking care of me' and definitely don't like anyone bending me over and slicing up my anus - but heres the deal: once you experience a certain level of pain for an extended period of time you get over all that shit really quickly. It beats you up and wears you down and you would do anything to stop it. If you are on the fence about LIS then you haven't reached that level of pain yet lol. LIS was a no brainer. I'd do it 1000 times to stop the pain.

Surgery was a breeze. I remember doing my last bowel movement before the surgery and I was fucking so happy. LIS is the gold standard. The only thing that can stop this. Its 99% effective or some shit. I was so happy that this would be the last time I would feel this fucking pain. And it was for the most part...

Dr did a LIS and anoplasty to cover the fissure I think. I didn't get a lot of information about the whys and whats of the anoplasty. In and out in about 3 hours in an out patient surgery place. I wake up to no pain. Awkward though as I have a shit ton of gauze packed in between my ass cheeks. And plus I dont want to tear anything apart.

First bowel movement of course was sketchy as hell but didn't really hurt, only bled a little and guess what: no death burning afterwards. There was a bit of pain during and after for a couple hours, but it wasn't the same pain. More 'sore' than anything. Its actually sore 24/7 for a week. I have a bit of leakage in between movements. Nothing too major, but after I use the bathroom I use water soaked toilet paper to lightly clean and take a sitz bath. Religiously. After a bath I place some gauze in between my cheeks and after a few hours I'd have some mucous and brown fecal matter down there. Not a lot and didn't smell or anything. (this actually continued for 6+ months...)

I go to periodic checkups and things are healing nicely. I start eating a shit ton of fruits and veggies everyday. (This is the only good thing to come out of this whole mess. Looking back I hardly ate any fruits or veggies before this fissure although I did have a bowel movement every day previously and was never really constipated. Ever.)

All in all the LIS recovery wasn't bad at all. NOTHING compared to the fissure pain. Nothing. A walk in the park. Didn't even need the pain meds after day 3. I laugh at the pain from the LIS surgery. It is nothing compared to the fissure pain. It makes no sense because the fissure is this small ass tear (literally) which destroys your being while the LIS is this big (comparatively) slice they do and it barely hurts. Stupid body. What good are you?

In 3 weeks the LIS has mostly healed, but I'm still having pain, and sometimes blood (not frequently). Even more concerning the pain is starting to shift back to 'fissure' style pain. Its getting tight down there again. By this I mean I'm still having burning after EVERY bowel movement and it goes away after a few hours. Sitting aggravates it. This is familiar. This is not good. Its no where near as bad as it was, but its starting to get depressing that its not going away, and its actually slowly getting worse. Slowly.

But its livable. Its more mental than anything because I thought I had defeated this foe and its slowly returning. But I continue on. 4 weeks out of surgery I go overseas on vacation and walked 10s of miles. I could have done it at 3 weeks out. The fissure doesn't impact me at all although it still burns after every bowel movement. Pain is only 4/10 on the scale which is nothing. 6 weeks out I go back to the gym and start working out again. Probably too soon but I eased into it and felt 100%.

Months tick by. I'm still on stool softeners and fiber and diltiazem. I'm going to the bathroom twice day and in retrospect I think that delayed my healing. But I'm still on stool softeners 3x a day and fiber to ward off any hard bowel movements would could cause a re-tear. Dr says it can take months to heal and I have a bit of hard scar tissue surrounding the fissure that hes waiting to soften up to heal. I feel my sphincter getting tighter/stronger day by day. Too tight. Too strong. Wasn't the point of LIS to loosen it so the fissure can heal? What do I have the arnold schwarzenegger of assholes? Did the dr not cut it enough? Is he going to have to cut it again?

We are at 7 months out. Ahhh, wtf is going on here. I start doing the numbers. 90% of fissures heal on their own. The other 9% are healed by sitz baths. The other .9% are healed by diltiazem. 90% of that .1% are healed by LIS within 6 months. What are the fucking odds my shit is still hurting? I'm in the wrong '1%'. Every bowel movement of my life for the past 9 months (at this point) causes me pain. And I've been having 2 a day on all this fiber and stool softener shit. This sucks. Is it getting worse? It sure feels like it is. Dr says we still have to wait. Surgery isnt even an option again for some time. I live my life. But I'm sick of the pain. Its not death burning like it was before. But its there. Everyday. I cancel my next drs appointment. Whats the point? Costing me 35 bucks every month for him to say nothing we can do. Not his fault. Whats the end game here? Colostomy bag? I research it. I will just bypass my broken ass. Maybe.

At some point around this time I get my bms down to 1 a day. Took a while to get it there. Not sure if related but over the next 3 months things start to get better. I'm about 9-10 months out of LIS and finally finally finally finally I'm almost pain free. Still a tiny but of burning/discomfort after bowel movements but its getting better. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Pain free soon. God damn it. Took long enough. But I know it could have been worse. And it definitely was worse. I'm down to 1 stool softener and plan to get off that soon but will continue with the high veggies/fruit/fiber diet forever. Forever.

So thats my story. A long stream of consciousnesses. Sorry if its hard to read. Took way longer than I had though as well.

What did I learn?

-Don't force bowel movements. Ever. Ever. Don't hold in bowel movements. Ever. Try to stay regular. Even if that means a bowel movement in a less than desirable place. The alternative is much much worse.
-Eat better. Eat fruits/veggies/get yer fucking fiber. This is the only good thing to come out of this.
-Go to the dr immediately. Bypass your GP/PCP if you can. They wont know enough most likely. Not their fault. Get to a good colorectal guy. Dont suffer. I feel like delaying and playing around with suppositories caused some scar tissue to build up which slowed healing dramatically.
-Prep H and hydrocortisone wont work and might actually do damage by thinning the skin down there.
-Don't think dilitizem/nitro/LIS will be the quick fix. Even LIS can take months, maybe years to resolve your fissure. You gotta be in for the long haul. Seems like forever.
-Don't fear LIS. Its nothing. Nothing compared to the real pain of a bad fissure.
-Don't take too much fiber/stool softeners. Get your bowel movements to once a day.

Having had this experience I feel for folks with chronic pain. Its not fun and can easily ruin your life. I get it now. If you don't have chronic pain consider yourself lucky.

Cheers. And hope everyone gets healed eventually.

Don't you wish you could tell everybody (not just everybody you know, but EVERYBODY) "Never get constipated. Never strain. Eat your fruit and veg and drink lots of water, because - you never, never want this to happen to you"

I don't think they would get it. I wouldn't have.
Thanks for your story, fissuremaster. Your healing is taking a long time, but it sounds as though you are nearly there. I hope so!

Yeah I forgot about the water. I drink a ton of water. I actually haven't had a 'hard' bowel movement in 9 months lol. But then again loose bowel movements arent good for healing either. Gotta find that fine line and stick to it so you train your body. I believe that.

Brilliant story, I completely relate to you and glad you got finally improvements.

I am at 8 months mark, it is somehow better, and smaller in size. But still shitty painful..

Still didn't go for LIS as it gets smaller, so there is certain hope. But these 8 months are the hell, and whom know how many more....

igrik1986 wrote:Brilliant story, I completely relate to you and glad you got finally improvements.

I am at 8 months mark, it is somehow better, and smaller in size. But still shitty painful..

Still didn't go for LIS as it gets smaller, so there is certain hope. But these 8 months are the hell, and whom know how many more....

I've read your story. It is crazy! Hope things turn up better soon.

Hi fissuremaster,

Every word of what you wrote resonates with me. My journey has been pretty much the same except that I have had 2 LIS surgeries and even 4-5 months out of the last one, I'm not completely pain free.
Only in the last month or so have I seen some real improvement. I still have bad days but they are becoming fewer and farther. My doctor said the fissure has healed and he wasn't able to see anything wrong at the 3 month check up. He suggested an exam under anesthesia but I figure any more poking around can only cause more damage.
It is so strange because some days I feel so good, I kind of forget I deal with chronic pain day to day. But then suddenly I will have that crazy painful day and my mind spirals into that vicious cycle of being scared and panicking.
I am trying to deal with the mental agony by holistic approaches as I feel that will aid in the physical healing too. This "illness" is as much a mental battle as a physical one.
I don't know what lies ahead of me because my mind has been conditioned to believe that I will never be my old normal self again. But for now, I am trying to live each day as it comes without thinking too much about the future.

thanks for tellling our adventure
i can so relate to this ,the pain and the mental side of this ,i broke down in tears many times wondering what was going on
only now do i feel any way normal ,even though i still get a throb and a zing now and then ,
i still jump in the tube to shower off after a bm ,
its been over a year for me now
heres to great healing
health and happiness

Hi All..new to the board but definitely appreciate the good feeback on here. When I first went to the CRS, he diagnosed me with a fissure, and gave me the analapram kit to use. The cream helped, and I did not feel any discomfort for about 3 months. After traveling for a week on business and not having the best diet, and also feeling stressed, I have had a recurrence/re-tear of my fissure. My fear is that if I go back to the CRS, he will not want to give me more cream and will recommend surgery. Can anyone provide feedback as to if I will be able to get cream again?

bruin22 wrote:Hi All..new to the board but definitely appreciate the good feeback on here. When I first went to the CRS, he diagnosed me with a fissure, and gave me the analapram kit to use. The cream helped, and I did not feel any discomfort for about 3 months. After traveling for a week on business and not having the best diet, and also feeling stressed, I have had a recurrence/re-tear of my fissure. My fear is that if I go back to the CRS, he will not want to give me more cream and will recommend surgery. Can anyone provide feedback as to if I will be able to get cream again?

I would think you would. If you don't get it what you want - go somewhere else if you can - or buy it online.

Hi fissuremaster,

I was wondering what your recovery felt like in those 10 months after Surgery?
I read that you were still having pain but did the severity decrease? Did you slowly start having
Fewer bad days and more good days?
I am very frustrated because I have some good days and then bam suddenly some awfully painful days.
I can't correlate it to my diet so I feel so angry that even after fighting so hard, I seem to be losing this battle.
Any experience you could share would be great. Thanks.