Today I was thinking about a quote in a book I read.. "Why is the measure of love, loss?". I've changed the quote to suit AF sufferers, "Why is the measure of pain-free, pain?".

I had 2 weeks of pain-free BMs.. No pain, all day, every day, for 2 weeks!! I felt normal again. So relieved that I was finally.. maybe...almost..healed. And suddenly, a painful BM with blood again. What in the world?? It just so happens that I jinx myself.. everything is fine, and then my friend asks me how I am feeling. I say, great, no pain, I'm so happy!! JINX. Just to prove to me that, no, I don't know everything...no, I am not healed.. Pain-free? Only to tease you... remind you of what you are missing.


This seems like a sick joke :\ I'm just crossing my fingers that these two days are just a fluke. Maybe I can jinx it back. I'm doing horrible, so much pain, never going to heal, this sucks, #*%& it! AHA did I figure out the trick? Do I sound crazy? I hope so

No, you don't sound crazy smiles18; (now stop that)

Sorry about your finicky fissure woes.

I think we need a dedicated section here devoted to nothing but rants.
Yes, rants against a caught and cornered fissure that's looking for a "home".
We need to post a picture of what a personalized fissure might look like, post it
here then just let loose with our rants and raves.

We need this section so we can all face him and tell him....how miserable
he has and is and will always make it for everyone's bum he invades.

MR. Fissure if your out there looking to invade someone else....
How dare you!!!.....How dare you take people by surprise and
make their life most miserable.

There smiles18, that will teach that "son of a witch". Thanks for your rant.
I'm gonna go fissure hunting and when I catch one, I'm going
to post his picture here for all to see.

Nice quotes, lets hope your pain will suddenly get better as it many times can
happen this way. Don't lose hope.

Now tell me, did I sound crazy .

Hahahahaha. What a GREAT response! I read this a few minutes ago and I am still laughing

Please catch a fissure for me..maybe we can torture it and interrogate it until it confesses its sins!! muahahahha

Only the good kind of crazy, Buttastic, only the good kind! ;)

I share the misery. Hem surgery left unhealed wounds, stricture…had all kinds of creams, diet, 2 botox, and then LIS in September. Still unhealed. Purely miserable. Today is Thanksgiving and my relatives are on their way here to see my family, so I am going to drive to a local movie theatre because I don't belong in public view today. I have zero faith in humanity and can't bear to fake a smile to appease my twice-a-year relatives who probably don't want to be here anyway.

We literally landed a man on the moon and it boggles my mind that a paper cut in an unfortunate place and your life is ruined. And worse, you can't even draw sympathy for it because it's so fucking embarrassing you have to keep it a secret. Can't have the fucking NFL have a fissure month. This post got too long and revealing and even offensive at points so I deleted most of what I wrote.

And Smiles, I COMPLETELY agree, the ups and downs of it make it all the more frustrating. I'm 15 months into this ordeal, and I've never gotten 2 weeks pain/blood free, but I have gone a few days where I think I am improving about a million times at this point. You eat right, take a nice smooth poop, and you KNOW you are back at square one. It's god awful. a cruel joke. no rhyme or fucking reason to it. just blood. and here we go again. I had LIS, which is dam near a sure thing, but not for me. I am 2 days without blood, so naturally I can't help but get a LITTLE excited, even though I know tomorrow I will wake up with red in the toilet again and want to literally cry myself into a coma. Last week, I went almost a full week without blood- really thought I was over the hump. But I was wrong. Put a hole in the drywall that morning. Broke a window by throwing this laptop out it (survived of course). I WAS a fairly normal young man before this horrific accident, and now I'm a recluse with the shades drawn, reading blogs about poop consistency and experimental treatments for chronic anal wounds. I have a job, my first office job, but I am distracted to say the least and I don't know how long it's going to last. I can't go on disability because I am so fucking embarrassed. My family is not worthless, but they are almost worthless, as is evidenced on their insistence to have this fucking holiday party today in my house even though they know I am literally massively depressed and miserable beyond relief. I told them I would drive to the movies till the relatives leave so I can return to sit in my dark dingy filthy room and continue to read blogs about others experiences, which is the only way I feel better at all, and they have me on the guilts now, because I'm ruining THEIR holiday. Am I crazy? I'm sorry for the rant, but your prompt was all I needed. I am done for now.

Ahh man, I'm so sorry! Before I begin, I want to say that I'm surprised "fucking" did not get blocked out. That's just awesome! I wanted to use that lovely word to help express my frustration, but I just assumed it would become ****! Anyways, that's great news for those of us who want to truly express how angry/sad/frustrated we are.

I feel so horrible that you have been through all of the steps and you have still not healed . Have you talked to a CRS yet? What is your current routine (medication/cream/supplement wise)? I'm sure you've heard all the advice in the world, but maybe I can offer some of my advice that has at least given me two weeks of hope! I don't know if that's better than no weeks of pain-free (and maybe some false hope), but for me it was...until today. You are definitely NOT crazy! And if you feel that way, it's only normal because who wouldn't feel a little crazy with constant pain down there? I have begun to realize why people have always used the saying "What's up his/her ass?".... if someone ever asked me that.. I think I would say "hmm..let me see..some broken glass, a serrated knife, rocks..hmm what else???"

Pick a really funny movie. I know it might not completely distract you, but laughter really does help! Just don't give up completely and start pigging out on food that you know you will regret tomorrow.

Thank you Smiles. I've been through all the routines at this point. Back in March I remember I made my mom make me a life-time supply of pea soup and mushy vegetables which I essentially lived on a for a few weeks. No change. I had that stricture, so I was really a lost cause, but did not know it yet because my genius CRS had yet to diagnose it (took them almost a full year to diagnose). Honestly, I can't say that any diet really had much of a difference on me. I don't eat spicy wings and ethnic food, or steaks, but I'm not even sure that they would set me back…I just figure that I want to give myself every possible chance, so I stick to bland mushy stuff. My fissure problems never arose from diet, but rather the Hemmy surgery gone awry. It's possible diet did lead to the hem problem in the first place, but I am a pretty young guy (25), and I remember having those hems for as long as I can remember (I just didn't know what hemorrhoids were, so I thought everyone had that).

What does stricture mean?

It's a ring of scar tissue, essentially a tight spot. Post-hem surgery I had a VERY hard time pooping as a result, but these doctors never thought much of it. Wasn't till I got put down for botox that the new CRS said you've got a stricture that ain't gonna heal without surgery. Update-just went to clean up the nifedipine prior to my shower and discovered quite a bit of blood on the paper… Square 1 again. F**k it. I'm going to the movies alone. Happy Holiday.