Oh yes Steve- please let us know how it is done and how you feel now !!!
All the best, :arwen:

thanks fissulyna and steve. i guess those of us who take longer to heal definitely have "tighter than normal" sphincters. fissulyna, i hope you're doing okay since surgery. i'll reread your 3 week update.
steve, i'm curious to hear your botox story! maybe i will try it eventually...

How you feeling today Juney?
I have the same fears as you, that I'll never be able to have a normal BM.
If you're still in pain I would contact your CRS, it's a long time to wait until March...
Fingers crossed for you that it was just a blip and you're feeling better :)

i'm feeling okay since i've gotten my liquid BMs back on track. as long as they're liquid i have just a little discomfort during the day. it's been so long and i've tried so many options to heal this that i'm pretty much resigning myself to taking MOM for the rest of my life and being happy i can at least function with that. if i hadnt' already had 2 surgeries i wouldn't be feeling this much despair. but i don't want botox just yet. if i'm going to do that, i want to at least attempt a normal BM and see how it goes. i'm scared to death of having anyone else touch me down there. it's been 18 months now, what's another 2 more? sigh.

hi juney.
what concerns me is that you are having liquid BMs. and the goal is to have like oatmeal soft to semi-soft but formed stools. i know what works to keep the pain away is best, but having liquid BMs in itself is not something to aim for forever.
i think as you strive to be less tight down there and have all sorts of expectations - which yes, after having surgeries and doing certain things, it would be normal to have expectations so that's not the problem - but when you get stressed out or very disappointed in not having those expectations met, your body takes that in and reacts - perhaps it does by tightening all your muscles including your sphincter, so there is a rigidness.
talking about rigidity as well, you may want to find ways to undo that for yourself. i know you have been dealing with this for a long time (as i had been dealing with it for about 44 months or so) so yes i can feel your frustration.
but stepping back from everything that you have done so far juney and with what you are feeling today, i wonder if there is anything your body can tell you that will resonate with a different plan of action?
i know we all tend to say we've tried everything but in reality we haven't. and perhaps you still have not found a way to deal with everything on your plate that is making your condition more of a long term challenge than you want.
maybe this isn't even fissure related although that is where all the stress and residue of your issues are ending up in - your tight sphincter which then produces other difficult daily functions and just day to day satisfaction.
i just hope i can encourage you to step back for a bit and look at the big picture and maybe quiet down the disappointed, the disillusioned, the stressed, the uncomfortable juney for a bit and see if your body will tell you something else.
i know this all sounds mumbo jumbo but i feel that you must look for a new direction and see what other issues in your life are not being resolved.
as far as sticking fingers up the butt, especially when there is a problem present, it would probably be best not to since you risk undoing the healing by reopening or disturbing the irritation.
i am not sure if you are squatting or if you can try, but i would recommend that along with some yoga (get some dvds by yoga journal or gaiam) and macrobiotics. (i just don't remember if you have IBS or Crohns juney).
i also picked up the following books:
if the buddha came for dinner
the rice diet solution
the rice diet solution cookbook
you can have all 3 for like $26 and free shipping on amazon.com.
the rice diet solution seems to be in line with macrobiotics so it was a good way for me to explore other approaches in eating healthy. the buddha came to dinner also helps you identify with ways in which you nourish your spirit along with your body for a healthy life.

I understand how you're feeling Juney. there was a good four month or so stint in my healing process where I couldn't bear anything but liquidy BM. It does pass and you'll definitely notice when it does. I am at the point now where I just have to keep them super soft. I've been a bean maven lately.
Botox is really nothing to be afraid of. It is really a simple procedure. I walked out of the office 5 mins later and was at a business meeting 45 mins later (I had to drive). Also, it reverses itself after allowing you a few months to heal. Believe me, it's nothing compared to LIS. I'm surprised your surgeon didn't suggest it before LIS...

Hang in there Juney. Although I've only been in this nightmare for 8 months, I know how you feel. After being pronounced healed by my CRS last week I also have been experiencing stinging with BMs. Doc says its nothing, just a minor abrasion. Easy for them to say, they're not the ones dealing with the discomfort and the despair. Hoping things get better. By the way I've been on Miralax for 6 weeks now and like you I don't forsee me coming off of it anytime soon.

thanks guys for your wise words of encouragement.
Happy - i'll try to take to heart everything you suggested. the added stress of "nothing" seeming to work for me has probably had some effect on my sphincter. sometimes i feel like things would change down there if i could just get my whole body to relax. every time i catch myself tightening up down there, i try to soothe myself into loosening up - even if it's just sitting here at my desk. meditation and yoga would probably do me good in general. thanks for your advice
BG - my dr told me he didn't like to use botox b/c of the low success rate. he felt like LIS would be a more "sure" bet. hearing about some of the board members success with botox has convinced me it might do the trick for me too. it's also good to hear that you didn't need to miss time from work for botox.
Bum Issues - thanks for your empathy. at least we're not alone in this. what does miralax do for your BMs? are they soft enough to pass comfortably, or are they liquidy? i haven't tried that yet.

Miralax makes them soft but not liquidy. My gastro put me on it because he feels its the safest stool softner/laxative. I don't think I would have "healed" with out it.

okay i'll pick some up!
i've seen it in powder form, is this how you take it? what dosage do you use everyday? do you use it at night before bed, and then have a BM in the morning?
Thanks!