Very pissed off and frustrated...

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Very pissed off and frustrated...

Postby palash » 12 Oct 2012, 03:44

I had botox done two weeks ago, under sedation. The first few days made me think I was healing....but nooooo, I just had to tear again. Not because of hard stools, but because of one freakishly large crap that stretched my hole to the breaking point. Ever since then, it's agonizing hell everytime I have a movement. It's like the first bit of the poop has a
bayonet poised as well as a death wish for me. It's crazy painful. But the pain goes away five minutes after the movement, and it's further releaved by a hot sitz bath. This has been going on for way too damn bloody long, I'm seriously pissed with myself. I have major board exams in ten days and here I am, sitting in the tub like a stupid loser with a torn ass. Sometimes i wish I had the courage to hold death's hand and quietly walk home with him...I just wish
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Re: Very pissed off and frustrated...

Postby richibeno » 12 Oct 2012, 06:54

sorry to hear this palash.
are you drinking loads of water ,are you on movicol or similar,dont eat anything you know will be hard to come out ,
dont strain ,let it come out on its own
its still early days for you ,if the spasams go after 5 mins loooks like the botox is doing its job
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Re: Very pissed off and frustrated...

Postby palash » 12 Oct 2012, 17:45

I'm sorry for venting, but no one around me would listen! The botox doing the job by stopping the spasm pain, but it just hurts coming out. I literally stuff a towel in my mouth before going to the bathroom, so I don't wake anyone up in the mornings. I have a very very very strong feeling there will be LIS or SAD( standardized anal dilatation ) waiting for me once botox wears off. Thanks for listening:) and to answer your questions, richibeno, I am drinking TONS of water and I take a tea spoon of psyllium husk in the morning everyday( along with banana milkshake ). I don't strain or anything, it just comes out naturally. The first time round the poop is well formed, not soft or anything. The second time the poop gets softer. Either way, the pain is still there! :'(
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Re: Very pissed off and frustrated...

Postby TLTOSU » 12 Oct 2012, 20:45

Palash,
I just had the LIS surgery last week, and it was better immediately after. My fissure gave me painless bleeding for 2 years which I ignored, then the pain came and the decision to get surgery was pretty quick. I know what you are feeling. The LIS is VERY simple, and quick. The fissure pain is NOTHING compared to the abscess that I just had emergency surgery today to fix. Talk about wanting to die, I lived with it for 2 days. It is unimaginable pain. Apparently it is very rare and not something that should dissuade you from the LIS surgery.
I do not care for supplements. I get a bag of flax seed meal and add 2 TB to breakfast (instant oatmeal) and 2 TB to my Lean Cuisine for lunch, that is 8 grams of fiber and you don't even notice it. Also eat more fruits (and apple a day) and veggies. I get all the fiber I need from diet and it's a good thing, because metamucil makes me solid not soft..
Anyway, You WILL need the LIS, skip the temporary crap like Botox and all that, sorry, but it will come back again and again....
I got the LIS b/c I was sick of dealing with it, and it's permanent. Even with the abscess, it was worth it b/c you can 'go' with no pain. Don't be afraid to do it! :)
Good luck!
Tani :D
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Re: Very pissed off and frustrated...

Postby palash » 13 Oct 2012, 06:41

Tani,
I was reading your topic just a while ago! Ouch, I can really understand the pain you went through when you had the abscess, because I was going through similar chronic pain for a year. These fissure problems make you go to hell and back *fingers crossed*. I didn't want to go for LIS first because I'm only 16 and if I ever were to become incontinent.... I've still got a long life to live. And now if I consider LIS, I've got to wait for botox to wear off so I don't become terribly incontinent in the days after the surgery. Oh well, it's just the wait now.
If you don't mind, could you explain to me what an abscess is? And also describe the agonizing pain. Because I really want to brace myself for anything else the devil might throw at me after the surgery's done. Lastly Tani, I would really really appreciate if you could describe the pain during the bowel movement right after LIS. A lot of posts don't describe it vividly, so it's a bit hard to imagine what it'll be like. I really hope I'm not stirring bad memories for you, but if I am, please let me know. Thanks a lot Tani.
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Re: Very pissed off and frustrated...

Postby TLTOSU » 25 Oct 2012, 09:34

Palash,
How are you now? I am so sorry I didn't see this reply until today!!
I imagine you should be doing pretty well by now! The first movement was torture (more in my head though) and I actually did it in the bath in shallow h20. I was terrified and had been constipated for days (Metamucil did NOT work for me!)
The abscess was swollen on the outside of the body, and you cannot mistake it for normal pain. It's like a huge zit. They rushed me right into surgery after looking at it, (not even touching). Apparently it's rare, only 1% of folks get them.
Today, I am 18 days out of LIS surgery and feel like I'm 95% healed. I guess we will still feel the LIS incision for months while it heals, and I have a little 'drainage' which is healing, is sort of tan colored and should have no smell. All is normal. We just have to 1. stay really clean, 2. Keep up high fiber (I do it strictly though high fiber diet and adding ground flax meal to breakfast and lunch) 3. Patience and paying attention to what's going on.
I walked a half marathon 3 days ago and all was fine! I notice after I 'go', I have to stand up and move around a little, then a TINY bit more will work its way out. I'm not worried, I think all of this minor leaking or incontinence is 'normal' during healing.
SO glad I did the surgery though. Have not felt pain from fissure since surgery.
So let us know how you're doing now please!
Tani
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Re: Very pissed off and frustrated...

Postby palash » 25 Oct 2012, 11:58

What a coincidence lol! I didn't visit this board for around a week I think, and I saw your reply an hour after you sent it! Haha, to recap... Well lets just say things can't get any worse. Or at least i hope0.0
I was feeling great for 3-4 days. No pain, no nothing. I thought everything was going on ok, so i decided to treat myself to some bread. Big mistake. Last Sunday, I had a LARGE( not hard ) movement that tore my fissure again:( and the coming Monday were my major board exams!!! Talk about severe stress... Coupled with terrible pain! Well, I can only hope that ill be pain free until next Monday....where my other exams begin. That's it from my side:) let me know anything new
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Re: Very pissed off and frustrated...

Postby TLTOSU » 26 Oct 2012, 20:51

Palash!
You have got to watch your diet. Eat an apple a day, instant oatmeal add flax to stuff, and snack on prunes to keep it soft! It was easy for me during the surgery to not eat much b/c you are terrified, but when you feel well, it's easy to eat like a normal person. But you're not, unfortunately :) WE are lucky and have found that we need high fiber and with that we need LOTS of water. Fiber gets bulky and clumpy inside you (gummy?) if you don't have enough water.
So make an effort on the diet. You will have a super easy time and won't aggravate the fissure if you keep it soft!
Surgery CAN be avoided IF you change your diet now!!
I wish someone (certainly doctors won't take the time) to lecture me so I 'heard' them and could have avoided this whole thing. But now that it's done, I just watch going forward! :)
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