Hello Everyone,
I have been lurking in these forums for several months now but only just now decided to register and add to this wealth of information on a subject I never knew so many people had issues with. Now I may not have very much information to add right now. But I am going to share a little bit of my experiences with everyone here.
A little history: Firstly, I am a 39 year old single male I suffer from severe anxiety but have never been medically diagnosed and do not take any medication for it. I do not have insurance either as it has been very hard for me to keep a steady job over the years with these conditions I'm going to talk about along with the anxiety I have. I've moved with my parents away from the city into a rural area which has helped with my anxiety, since I'm not around many people. Enough of that and on to why I'm here. I first started showing symptoms of bleeding during a bowel movement when I was around 17 years old. I being a dumb male.... Never told anyone, I wasn't the type that should show fear being the older brother and protector of a couple little sisters growing up. I just always felt I should never show fear or concern for myself while making sure I was trying to look after others. Or I'm just the stereo-typical male as I was first saying and got a little scared but the subject was so taboo that I never wanted anyone to know.
This continued over the years off and on. It wasn't something that happened every day. I may bleed a little for a few days but then it would go away and I wouldn't really see it again for another month or two down the road. I would also like to say that I recently found out I had a lot of problems as a baby, was up all night crying from stomach pains and my Mom said the doctors had no clue what to do or what was causing it. They would just tell her it was colic. The bleeding I would experienced also usually came with a pain in my lower left abdomen. I would get a dull pain that would last the couple of days I would bleed. The blood was always bright red and I could tell it was coming from some sort of little cut or something (probably a fissure Inow know). This went on for at least 10 years before I started getting a pain in the left side of my rectum. The pain would be accompanied by swelling on the inside and I would bleed. After a few years of this coming and going I started to get a bulging on the outside of my rectum where that pain was occurring on the left side. It was like a skin tag that wold swell and hurt when I was having my episodes, especially at the base where it attached to my rectum. All these things I've mentioned were tied together coming and going. Sometimes I would go maybe 4 or 5 months without it happening and it never lasted that long, so it was manageable for me.
A few years later I read about and started eating Activia daily. I would eat one Activia yogurt a night and this seemed to help with the lower abdominal pain. I'm assuming I would get constipation or irritation in that section which would cause the pain and the activia helped keep me a little more regular. I guess I also need to say, that I've always had to bear down some when having a BM. Rarely would I ever sit down and things just come right on out on their own. I also had a habit of sitting on the toilet for 30 minutes or so at a time mostly trying to clean myself. That skin tag which would swell that I was talking about, also swelled down into my anus later on swelling as big as maybe the size of half a small pinky finger in width and feeling like it went well down into my anus at least an inch. So if you can imagine, when I would pinch off a bowel movement stuff wold get stuck on either side of that swelling and I would have to not only wie on the outside, but also go in a good half inch tryign to wipe all round so that I wouldn't have any fecal matter coming out within the next few minutes of getting off the toilet. If I didn't wipe like this I would also get a lot of itching and irritation. QAfter wiping like this for a few years it became the norm, of course and everything seemed to be getting worse. My problems were happening more frequently and the pain was becoming worse. I would become really raw from the wiping and found that using baby wipes helped with that a lot. So I moved on to them for relief.
A couple years later and we are in 2014 My pain and these problems worsened so that I may be feeling some sort of relief 4 months out of the year in total. I'm really worried about things by now and start mentioning these problems to the only person I felt comfortable sharing this with, which was my Mother. She told me I probably had a hemorrhoid and to try pushing it back in if I could. I tried explaining that wasn't how things were down there, but the conversation never really went any further because I was so uncomfortable talking about it. Which brings us to August of 2015. I woke one morning needing to have a BM extremely bad. I usually have 2 BM's a day. One in the morning and one at night.12 hours apart. The first one is always more loose while the second is always hard and one I have to strain to get out. Well on this fateful day my allergies were acting up, sneezing like crazy, and I had to go to the bathroom so bad I barely made getting my boxers pulled down and sitting on the seat when I SNEEZED hard. That moment that I sneezed everything I had built up inside of me exploded out. I almost passed out from the pain. Jeez, the pain was s unbelievable. I mean I had been dealing with bad pain for a few years now and as of this last year leading up to the SNEEZE, almost everyday I was so raw and hurting so bad it was extremely hard for me to wipe. I would have to sit there after a bowel movement and let the pain ease up before wiping. After this SNEEZE, everything took a turn for the worst. I didn't think things could get worse until now. After making it off the toilet I was in bed in pain all day. Worst pain I had felt up until this point.
As the days and weeks went on after that day everything has snowballed. I became so depressed I stopped eating. fr 4 days straight at one point. Until I realized that even when drinking only liquids I would still have to have a BM, and maybe multiple Diarrhea BMs from all the liquid. Which were terrible. People talk about Fissures and the like feeling like broken glass. I can see that. But to me, I feel like I have molten steel hooks attached to the to of my inner sphincter while being pulled out in an endless cycle. And I feel like this even after a BM, for hours and hours. My days would be waking up, having a BM then trying to recover the rest of the day and hopefully being able to cal down enough to get an hour or two sleep at night before starting all over again the next day. Depression set in and I can honestly say the if my Mother hadn't just lost her own Mother and Father (due to old age) in the previous two years (one after the other). I would have committed suicide. I have always been a strong person, even though my anxiety has hindered me in life, and now that I think back on tings. these anal problems I've had all these years have also played a huge part in that as well. What young man wants to bring a girl home and take the chance of her finding something pretty large and swollen sticking out of his butt? The skin tag I am referring to stuck out at least half an inch and would swell to very sizes depending on pain and all that I guess.
Well, in January I finally broke down enough mentally that I had to some out and tell my Mother everything and explain how much pain I was in. I don't think she really understood it at first. And Apparently a few doctors I saw didn't either. As I stated earlier, I can't afford insurance these last few years. The payments and deductibles are crazy here in Texas for someone like me. So luckily the local clinic has cash-pay options with discounts. I've generally been able to stay away from doctors most of my life. That whole anxiety thing and me being a typical male account for that I guess. Anyways, the Doctor took a quick peek after I explained in DETAIL all my internal pains. He took a quick peek at the outside of my butt while I was slightly bent over. no finger exam or anything of the sort. He quickly told me I had an external hemorrhoid and prescribed me some Proctosol 2.5 HC cream. I wasn in extreme pain and borderline panic attack from the anxiety so my blood pressure was a little high of course. The doctor seeme more worried about telling me I needed to exercise and eat healthier than to get my blood pressure down while seemingly blowing off the anal pain I was trying to explain to him I was having. My blood pressure by the way, isn't bad, although it does go up a little when I'm in extreme pain, like most peoples would. I've always eaten home cooked and healthy meals with lots of vegetables, so diet isn't really an issue either. Although lately I have been eating a lot more brown rice.
The Proctosol did nothing for me, actually started burning me really badly and causing sever swelling. I've since come to find that I 've acquired an allergy to the hydrocortisone. I've been to 5 doctors in total, one being an Anorectal Specialist. I ended up not being able to afford the specialist because the Hospital would not work with any Cash-Pay peoples. They only wanted the full amount up front before anything could take place. This was the Scott & White group here in Texas. They just simply don't seem to car about anything but the money. However I did find a Surgical Group in Waco where I saw two different Surgeons after seeing a GI in the same area, who told me I had a Chronic Fissure and after a couple weeks of Nitro-Bid he prescribed me not working, and my pain continually getting worse, recommended the Waco Surgical Group and told me I needed some work done.
First Surgeon I saw there was a nice guy but very rushed, not explaining much or taking the time to listen to me. Just wanting to get right to looking in me. Which he did on that first visit, Went right in felt like an entire fist, or what I only imagined as an entire fist. I instantly started yelping, if you would, and pouring sweat... I mean I was pouring sweat, soaked from the pain I felt. He stopped of course and sent me home for a week. Told me to come bck and he would deaden the area and do a proper exam. So a week of trying to get over the pain he caused from that first exam. I go back to see him, they deaden the area with 10 shots in my rectum/anus. Out of nowhere, with no discussion or anything he banded me, then had his assistant put a second band in. at this point I knew little of what banding was. As soon as the second band from the assistant was placed I felt nerve pain all the way down my leg and into my back. I was completely deadened when I felt this. I asked but the doctor was done and rushed out of the room without saying anything. I was left with asking the assistant all my questions, which she couldnt really answer. The answers were generic. Sitz bath 3 times a day, more fiber more water. At this point Ive already been drinking close to 3 liters of water a day, which is insane in my opinion. And when I tried adding fibre to m diet... Well Adding ibre doesn't work for everyone, it makes my BM's extremely sticky and hard to get out like peanut butter consistency. Which means more wiping and more pain. So I've come to learn that my normal diet had plenty of fiber and instead of adding Fiber 1 products and things like that, adding a little more brown rice to my meals and cutting back on red meat seem to help the most. I still drink a lot of water though, maybe not quite 3 liters anymore as that was hard to do. But close to it. Anyways, back to the doctor visit. I get home and about an hour later the anesthetic wears off and am in the worst freaking pain I have ever been in. It feels like every single secting around my anus is torn. The throbbing and swelling was insane and then wear I was banded, Oh my gosh the pain was unreal my whole left side was in pain, leg back, butt cheek. Terrible pain. I think my Mother seeing this, finally realized how bad it truly was. She's seen me deal with a shattered hand like it was nothing. Seen me pour alcohol on gaping wounds from being cut by sheetmetal then just paper towel and cut tape it up, screw getting stitches! She's seen me deal with things easily that would have a lot of other people down and out. But not this time. I was severely shaking. I could not stand, sit, lay, crouch. I could not be still. The pain was unbearable. I made her take the pistol I kept in my room and put it away somewhere I could not get to it, that's how bad it was for me. However, the doctor was thoughtful enough to prescribe me Tylenol-3, which did absolutely nothing..... When I called the next day telling them all this. All I cold get was an assistant telling me to take sitz baths, take the tylenol as needed and "more fiber more water"......
For months up to this point I have been bed ridden. I can't sit or stand for more than 5 minutes at a time without being in extreme pain. Burning hooks as I was saying earlier. Even laying down causes pressure and pain. I was basically having to lay my hip on my right side, but then twist my upper body so my shoulders were more flat against the bed. Just to feel any relief. After the spasms and anything else calmed down enough to allow it. So I'm sure you can imagine the additional back pain I was getting from laying like this all the time.
The Surgeon I saw went out of town for a few weeks, so I went and saw the specialist I talked about earlier. Found out I couldn't afford him and tried researching others. All the specialists around are a part of Scott & White who will not work with cash-pay patients. They say they do, on their website but when you actually talk to them, they want you to come in pay the bill upfront, and then apply for financial aid....... How does this make any sense?
So I call to setup an appointment at the Waco Group again since they are the only group around who will work out payment plans. They are only General Surgeons. They work with Providence Hospital whom also work with cash-pay patients and will help with allowing for payment plans. Which I am so thankful for since no one else seems to be willing to help you unless you pay thousands upfront. Back to setting up that appointment. My original Doc was still gone so they scheduled me to see another Doc in his place. Immediately upon meeting this man I felt comfortable. He was a lot younger and not as experienced, on paper. But he was very personable.He sat and listened to everything I had to say, he explained things I had questions about. And he was the very first Doctor to agree with me that "more fiber more water" is just a generic thing that does not work for everyone since all people are different. I told him I could not take the Cortisone cream because it burned me so bad and caused worse swelling. by this time I've used Nitro-Bid for spasms, and nifedipine (which was mixed with cortisone so I couldn't use it. So I was prescribe diltiazem without the cortisone and he also agreed to prescribe me some xanax to help with the muscle relaxing. It did help quite a bit. Without the bad side effects I got from the Nitro-Bid (felt like I was hit by a tuck when I would use it, and it caused a rash with severe itching).
I was told to give him a call back in a week and let him know how things were going. Well, I was doing good for the first 3 days, then a bout of diarrhea set things right back to the beginning. So I call him back and schedule an appointment to talk about surgery. He prescribed me some Vicodin and more Xanax to get me through until the surgery. He did not want to examine me since I was in so much pain. He decided to go ahead and put me under anesthesia (knock me out) do an exam and possible Hemorrhoidectomy along with Lateral Internal Sphincterotomy.
Well, I had the Surgery yesterday at 7:30 am cst and it is now 6:30 or so the following morning. He prescribed me the same Vicodin but insists I take what I need up until the first bowel movement then try not to take as much after that. There was a little miscommunication I think, because he prescribed me the same dosage Vicodin after the surgery but said he prescribed me one that was twice as strong 10mg instead of 5mg, but looking back at my revious bottle, it was 10mg as well. And I was having to take 2 at a time to get tolerable relief. He only wanted me taking one at a time after the surgery because he said it was twice as strong. Miscommunication, but I wasn't going to try arguing with someone while I was still have out of it. But (knock on wood) so far the pain has not been as bad as before the surgery. He told me I had a row of hems stretching down from the external tag that were really swollen and raw, he said he cut those but tried to do as little cutting as possible. He also removed some skin tags that were round the fissure and performed the LIS which he said he was going to try not cutting much, since I was still rather young and may heal a lot easier than someone older.
I am dreading this first bowel movement as I've read so many horror stories online. I was so nervous and scared going into that surgery. So far though, considering he went in and did a thorough exam cut me and stitched me. And I'm not feeling anywhere near the pain I felt after the other doctor banded me and examined me. I would say maybe I may be on the path to actual recovery. By the way, that banding, 5 weeks after I was still in severe pain from it. Never felt any relief, it actually felt like the pain was worse. Which the bands were placed at the deep end of the "row of hems" my surgeon said he dealt with. I forget the medical term he used for it. But he said they can get pretty painful when like that. Which I guess that row of hems was that half finger sized swelling I've been dealing with all these years.
Well this is my story so far. Sorry if any of it was hard to understand. I've tried explaining as well as I can. But I've still not really had any sleep in quite some time all night I've felt like I needed to go to the bathroom but I fell I may need to push and I'm not wanting to do that right now. I don't know if it's packing or something wanting to come out or what. I did eat a light meal of some brown rice last night, took some miralax and then a couple of hours ago I went ahead and took 2 tbs of milk of magnesia. I'm not so sure I should have taken that, as I didn't realize it was a laxative. I thought it just softened your stool like the miralax but in your large intestines instead of the smaller. So I'm hoping that doesn't cause any problems. I also took my last Xanax earlier to thinking it may help. relaxing my sphincter even more. I wasn't prescribed anymore xanax after surgery, just vicodin.
Well, here is to hoping my first BM isn't too terrible ad every one that comes after is even easier. I'm really hoping I see an end to this pain. The Doctor told me the recovery will probably be 6 to 8 weeks.
Oh I am also taking Rutin with Vitamin C and B6. I started taking the Rutin a couple weeks ago and it seemed to be helping with hems I have in other places. Which the Doc said he left some in that he didn't think would be a problem, he just didn't want to do too much cutting. And that if they were a problem later they were in a position where he cold do some easy banding. My main problem has been that left side. It was een worse pain than the Fissure most of the time. It would hurt so bad it would cause me to spasm or cause my sphincter to keep trying t stop/cut off any bowel movement, which wold in turn tear the fissure. Then I would have both hurting tremendously.
I will try and keep this updated, depending on pain and current condition of course. Reading these forums did give me some hope when I was in my darkest moments. I had no idea so many others also went through this sort of thing. I would not wish this sort of pain on anyone, ever.
Have a good day everyone. And wish me luck with this first after surgery BM. Doc said the stitches will tear and it will be painful. They were just there to basically stop bleeding directly after surgery. Dreading it....