Well it's over with!!!
I didn't need to drink any barium.
It did hurt more than I thought it would though when they put the tube in, in order to insert the paste. Because I was tensing up with the pain it was making it harder to put the tube in and been told to relax in order to make it easier seems impossible when it's hurting so much. Luckily after that it was pretty straight forward. The woman stood with me whilst I was later sat on the commode when they did the videoing part of me pushing it out & I actually found it less an ordeal than I thought, I took your advice & told myself it was only the paste I was pushing out & I managed to get most of it out, was actually watching it on the screen & was fascinated watching it coming out & could see the final bit was struggling to come out nearly started laughing when I was told to push a bit harder as imagined it must be similar to giving birth, not that I've ever given birth & since I've never wanted kids can't imagine it's something I'd experience
The last bit wouldn't come out but I when I got home I think I got the rest out so hopefully that's it all out. the only thing that alarmed me was when I looked in the commode there seemed to be a lot of blood which freaked me out slightly & I asked if that was normal?
I'm a bit sore now but so far no more blood. Although I am very sore again & I'm afraid it's retore my fissure which had been starting to heal
Next week it's the virtual colonoscopy, dreading the bowel prep.