by lefthanded » 10 Jul 2013, 15:54
I developed fissures after a complete removal of my colon and rectum due to severe ulcerative colitis . . . and subsequent onset of Crohn's disease. My inflammation came on quickly, and the pathology report showed it was rapidly advancing, meaning there was likely very little I could do to save my colon. I later asked my surgeon, in a very frank discussion, if there was anything I could have done to cause or worsen my chances of either getting colitis or having colon issues, and he said he really didn't believe so. You see, I am female, and had been introduced to anal sex seven years prior to my onset of colitis, and may have even caused a small fissure using a sex toy, and was very worried that I had caused my illness. He related a few stories of some pretty extreme foreign object removals he had performed in his career during our discussion to help allay my fears. In fact I recall remarking during that conversation that it is ironic that more gay men do not have issues with their colons, with which he agreed. However fissures are another matter. Tearing of the delicate tissues of the anus are common, and often heal without even being seen by a doctor, but for those unlucky enough to have the predisposition to developing Crohn's, this can be a problem. AF is one of many symptoms that can present with Crohn's.
If you have any other digestive system issues, I would recommend you find the best gastro or colorectal surgeon you can and establish a good relationship to keep your health. At the very least, establish a good relationship with your PCP. I have shocked a few doctors with my candid approach and questions, but I see no benefit in modesty when you are talking about parts of the body that we all use!
As far as partners go, I have been with mine for 15 years, 11 of those years have been pretty void of any sex or even arousal. Any kind of orgasm causes intense and painful spasms, setting me up for days of trying to get back to my new normal (pain, spasm, some incontinence, urgency and frequency) that are not uncommon for someone with a j-pouch. Arousal can cause spasms, which before all the illness was a good thing, but now has me living in fear. The loss of intimacy is horrible, as even kissing causes arousal. I am still very attracted to her, can still orgasm, and still desire her . . . but pain and fear have pretty much ruined our sex lives. I tell you this because it is possible to find a partner who will accept you, limitations and all. I also suffer transverse myelitis, and many of my TM support group friends are paralyzed, incontinent, and in wheelchairs . . . and experience the same issues. One of them just met the love of her life recently, and he accepts her with all her physical issues! I hear stories all the time of TMers meeting and falling in love with wonderful understanding people . . . but it can take time and patience.
My partner and I face a very uncertain future, as she has developed spinal issues from her job. In spite of it all we are planning to turn our registered domestic partnership into a real marriage some time in the next year. You will find someone . . . just be patient with yourself and those you spend time with.