well tomorrow is my date with fate. fate that only this mr hamza the crs i see can deal me. tbh i am so stressed out. my stress levels are away of the scale. the thought of him saying the words "more surgery "of any kind is filling me with dread...
i know i cant do more surgery....i am just to exghausted.. i rather curl up nd die, than do more surgery tbh. mentaly i know i just couldnt cope with more %^&* like last yr.....
i let you all know as soon as i can... scared $%^&less

Best wishes for your appointment, Dazzy! Let us know what you learn.

Well thats me just back from hospital.. more CAT Scans need.. and 80/90% chance of more surgery...am i pi$$ed off.... Very Much So.....
mr hamza very nice , he was part of mr smiths team but went alone and now works mainly @ the private hospital call farnabrae or something ..but has clinics at stracathro to....
he says it it will be from scan time to the time i see him again will be 6 weeks... but nhs i think that really means 12weeks... he was great.. apart from the dreaded DRE..
Ive know discharge though this time, which means no fistula or not big enough opening to cause discharge to be seen.. the swelling in medicail terms is a fair bit away from the original surgey sites... so dont know....
so until he see`s the images of the cat/mri scans he is unable to say what kind of surgey it will be..
he say he could see what he thought was a fissure 9 o`clock, but as its been there and was noted by mr smith... he didnt seem to bothered.....
so all in all back to a waiting game... a waiting game thats pulling me under gradually week by week.
i know i cant do more open wound surgery/packing i just no i cant..... but this now is just so tiring mentaly...
i dont drink,smoke and living on a very high healthy eating life style... but still i get all this again @ me... i know am not the only one out here/there with problems...
but as ive said mentaly i cant take anymore. id rather give in.. than go through last years s%%% again.. i truely mean that...
guess am just a weak man...and no am not looking for the sorry, violins here, am saying how i feel about everything....

Dazzy,
Are you taking an A/D? I thought you were. I think you can go through anything if it will finally heal you!

yup cheryl, i am on A/D`s.... been on them for around 3/4 weeks now... there called MOCLOBEMIDE....there second line A/D`S so pretty strong ...... but the thought of surgery down there again is killing any hope i had for the coming yr.....

You might heal quickly! Try to be positive about it!!

well had another MRI pelvic scan yesterday.... so noow its a waiting game to see mr hamza and get the results. they said 7/10 days. we`ll see.
break was fine, didnt do much to bloody cold.
but found out 3 glasses of vodka, and valium gets you a good nights sleep... and helps the following day... not stinging , pinching aches..
yup i know..you/i shouldnt take a cocktail of valium nd alcohol.. so dont even anyone else try it....
but am now at the stage where i really dont care... am happy if theres no pain....
but on saying this been back since thursday night, not had nothing to drink, or valium since thursday afternoon. just back to simple paracetamol...
but of course the pain is back.....but hey. everyone on here has been/or going through it....
so not going to go on nd on......

Hey Darren, welcome back. So no fun out on on the beach in Blackpool?
Hope your MRI results are good.
I've been thinking about trying some beer with my valium as well. Been too long without beer :(

Dazzy,

well know word yet. i called and all i got... was.... yoiur turn will come.... until then please try nd remain paiciant
my avvy now says it alll