Hi! I'm a dance teacher from Australia but based in Spain. I have had this fissure since February and it has truly taken over my life. I've been able to work part-time but have cancelled lots of classes and work trips. I am freelance and when I'm not working I don't earn money so have lost quite a bit of income.

I am also single and far from home and it has been hard. I have great friends here but no real family kind of support and it's hard for people to understand what I am going through. I after 4 months of hell I have healed to a point of very little pain, mainly discomfort. But I am strongly considering flying home for a bit to get surgery and stay with family whilst recovering.

I am female, 31 and it is really hard dealing with this alone so I hope going home and trying to find a solution there will end this madness for good. I also need my social life and sex-life back because it sucks not being able to go on dates and meet someone while I am dealing with this damn thing.

A little about me I am new here, I live in the Caribbean and I work for a company as a lorry-man but offloading goods from a truck. My job involves lifting 110 pound bags of sugar, lots of manual physical work. I even used to ride a bicycle 6 miles back and forth everyday until the pain was too much and had to give up my riding. Since I am attending an HVAC school I have no choice but to work to gain money and endure this torment. 4 Doctors gave me wrong medication until I had to google information and after 4 months of being scammed by doctors I went in and demanded a prescription for Nitroglycerine 0.2% tho I wish I asked for 0.4%

This Nitro is the magic stuff, Sitz Bath were 100% WORTHLESS, it even caused my situation to get worse at one point and when it did work it would only stop the spasm for 30 minutes who the hell has time to sit in a hot bath for 15 minutes every 30 minutes? that is insanity.

Thank god for Nitro and the scientist who invented this stuff, at one point I had a black out with pain, a insane evil attack on my anus you wouldn't believe how bad it was, it was the spasm out of control. Thank god for the internet I was able to find out about the GTN Paste and demand a prescription for it.

I am 60% better after 5 weeks of GTN paste, this fissure would have healed already if not for horrible hard stool that kept reopening it. I wasted a bunch of money on this big tub of metamucil that does NOTHING. Thankfully I found Docusate which works wonders, still kinda hard the first 2 inches of the stool but way better than before.

Looking to get another course of either GTN or Nifedipine 0.5%.

I think my big mistake was taking 0.2% Nitro instead of 0.4%

Pharmacists have all laughed at me when I told them I have a fissure, one even called me a f@ggot and told me to stop taking penis in my asshole. They don't understand that overeating and constipation causes these things most of the time. I am NOT gay, never have been yet I am made fun of being gay if I tell someone about this fissure.

Told 3 people at work whom I trust and they seem to understand, one seem to take pleasure in my suffering because I am a believer in science and they think I am a devil for not putting the bible over science.

I work with a driver who has knowledge in these stuff as he used to be an EMT but now suffers from mental problems so no longer has that job and instead drives a sales truck now. He trips off here and there has these weird mood swings has almost killed me twice because he has insanity episodes where he enters a different world while driving a truck. He hates women especially feminists we had a discussion last week about women not needing men anymore due to availability of sex toys now and I said they really don't need us because they can even have a child via artificial insemination, the guy shouted they still need men to get the damn sperm then he started pounding on the steering wheel and punching the windscreen and shouting then ran off the road hit a sidewalk and carried about like nothing happened.

He has 3 failed marriages, he has never vaccinated his son because he says "vaccines are a product of the devil and the white man to wipe out the african race". I honestly see why he has had 3 failed marriages but I never told him anything about his marriages because it isn't my place

I am FORCED to work with this guy because the truck he drives is the easiest truck to work with the lightest goods, with this chronic anal fissure it is the only truck I can work otherwise I would be hungry and starving without a job or any sort of support. He no longer speaks to me and tries to spite me on a daily basis he hates me for having brown skin color which I find amazing considering he is African. He has this hate bottled up inside him he is racist to the core but pretends like he isn't. I don't believe he has control over this because he claims to go to church every weekend so I do think he is crazy and has some lose screws up there.

The reality is he is a lunatic, racist, misogynist and he is my only hope while I deal with this nightmare of a fissure but thank god for Nitroglycerine.

When I started my HVAC course I had so much hope for a new life, I went on a mission to lose weight and I did I lost 60 pounds. Started getting new clothes had dreams of meeting a nice girl, marrying her and starting a business with her I had it all planned out. Then life came crashing down when I got constipated and tried to force it and the rest was history, my life was over at at just 32 years old
Ended up buying Methomyl to drink but someone talked me out of it, I still have the bottle for some reason.

Now I don't even pay my teacher anymore cause I don't have the money I explained to him what happened to me.
I think he knows my life is over but the only glimmer of hope I have is the Nitro which has worked so much wonders for me. I just don't know if to go 0.4% now or Nifedipine 0.5%

You're a strong man by managing all this so I advise not to put all your hopes in creams. Start looking at your diet first and keep those stools soft using whatever works best even the tip. You need to search for the softeners which are a match to you. Also do not forget about trying to beat anxiety and worry as they really impact your microbiome and might cause constipation. Search this forum in your spare time, there are many ways people managed to handle this damn problem.

Abu wrote:You're a strong man by managing all this so I advise not to put all your hopes in creams. Start looking at your diet first and keep those stools soft using whatever works best even the tip. You need to search for the softeners which are a match to you. Also do not forget about trying to beat anxiety and worry as they really impact your microbiome and might cause constipation. Search this forum in your spare time, there are many ways people managed to handle this damn problem.

wow thanks so much I had no idea about Anxiety and worry causing constipation, yes I eat the best food for healthy bowel movements etc, rolled oats, chick peas, beans etc with lettuce and stuff also I have half liter of virgin coconut oil in my cupboard and I drink 5 liters of water a day. Even with all that I need docusate 3 times a day to avoid hard stool

I will look up about this now, I didn't know anxiety could cause this and I do have issues with worrying and anxiety.

One issue I notice drinking too much water makes me pee every hour

Yes, you pee too frequently and eliminate a lot of electrolytes. Lack of electrolytes also causes constipation. Try drinking only as much as you feel thirst. Also your diet seems very high fiber, take a closer look.

Abu wrote:Yes, you pee too frequently and eliminate a lot of electrolytes. Lack of electrolytes also causes constipation. Try drinking only as much as you feel thirst. Also your diet seems very high fiber, take a closer look.

Wow I knew I wasn't going insane, I kept telling people when I drink too much water I get constipated. They don't believe me.

I also notice I eat too much fiber which bulks me up but the real issue has been when I drink so much water like 6 liters a day and I pee non stop I then I can't even stop peeing. It is always clear and dry hard stool.

Looks like you are right I need to stop taking advice about drinking water until I drown. This was advice given to me by people online

Thanks only gonna drink water when I am thirsty.

63 year old woman, master’s degree in psychology, retired mental health professional, writer.

Got the first fissure in March of 2019 and the recurrence in November of 2019. The gift that keeps on giving, I guess. ;)