I had a hemmorhoidectomy in September 2012. Was a recent graduate at the time, no job yet, so I figured, best to just get this done and move on before I am fully employed, right??? WRONG. Surgery never healed. Every two weeks, I went back to the dumb doctor, and got the devastating, "two more weeks" routine. 6 months down the road, in February, I switched doctors, just as I was beginning my new job. He tried everything, ointments, creams, botox, silver nitrate, botox again, creams and NOTHING helped. Finally, after my second botox procedure, the doctor told me I likely had a stricture from a poor surgical technique in my last surgery, and I would need LIS, Stricturotomy, Fissurotomy to fix it. All this while I am stressing out as a brand new employee in my first corporate office job. VERY STRESSFUL. Every morning I shit blood, then my butt gets very tight and the wounds weeps and I need to frequently wipe my butt. Sounds like no big deal? Well it is driving me absolutely psychotic. I have not gone to the gym now in 14 months. I feel like I have been holding my breath for all this time. I had the LIS done in September of 2013, took 6 days off of work, because you know they aren't going to be OK with the new guy going on disability, besides the fact that I would be WAY too embarrassed to even ask for something like this...and here I am, about to be 6 weeks post-second-OP, and.........NOTHING. no healing. blood, pain, weeping wounds. SAME. Saw my doctor last week and he said it looks to be healing fine, but I genuinely put very little stock in what these "doctors" say at this point in my life. I am on the brink. I am fucking up at work, my family HATES me because this is the only thing I can think about 24/7. I cannot live like this anymore. I am considering doing something very drastic. Quitting my job. Moving to the woods to be alone. I cannot live like this much longer and I don't know what will happen next.

ps. I am suppsed to be studying in a graduate program as well but have essentially failed out at this point because I am so depressed and miserable that I just CANNOT concentrate. It's difficult enough to get out of bed in the morning for work, and I am fucking up there too and I can't tell anyone why because this is too embarrassing to share with anyone except my immediate family. It has DESTROYED my life, and it's at the point where it is about to get a lot worse if I don't get a sudden change of luck very very soon.

Has any ever cited chronic anorectal wounds as the last straw that put them in the nuthouse? Because I might have to.

Hi ASDF,
Have you tried Anti-depressants? I had to take them due to not wanting to wake up... The Fissure hell, hems and suicidal thoughts. I couldn't face work and was off for 5 months. I also had counselling which really helped. This Horrible condition is up there with the worst things imaginable, and nobody understands unless they have had it. Can you get a second opinion from a recommended CRS? I am sure your family don't hate you... But it does put strain on any relationships. I argued daily with my partner, and when I was in hell pain even my dad couldn't stop me crying. Please seek further help.... Keep us posted...

Thanks for the reply Rachel. I feel the same way. It's gross but every morning I go to the bathroom and re-confirm my fears that the wound has just not healed. From that moment on, usually about 6:30 AM on weekdays, all I want to do is go back in my room and cry myself to sleep, but I go to work, and am not in the least as productive as I should be. On days when there is hope, I am much better, but those days are far and few between now. I had the LIS, so if it doesn't work, and it hasn't, there isn't much else I'll be able to do except find God or something, and I am not the type. I was considering taking anti-depressents, but I don't know if it's right. I am not depressed because of a chemical condition, I am depressed because of this chronic wound that it is driving me mad. I don't want to go into a anti-depressent haze as to ignore my problems. I want to fix them, and this one is just so dam stubborn it won't seem to respond to anything. I am not OK with the status quo. I will not continue my life like this if this thing doesn't go away. I will do something very drastic like walk out of my corporate office job, leave my family or worse. I don't want to talk to a shrink about it, that sounds very embarrassing actually, and I am not nuts, I am just frustrated.

5 months off of work/school to figure this out sounds WONDERFUL. but how do I explain myself at my next interview, that I took 5 months off to heal a stubborn fissure that was dragging on my productivity and making me seriously consider a nose-dive out the nearest window? I don't know how this stuff works, and this isn't the easiest thing to bring up to HR.

I was the same, not too sure what to do.... But other members on this Forum had coped better with the help of ADs. My situation was the same, depressed because of the pain from the Fissures etc, don't know how to describe it, but they helped me to relax a bit more(god, that was impossible) and helped me deal with the ongoing hell of it all. Was the cut from the LIS conservative? I have heard of people on here not healing as the cut was too conservative and then further intervention is needed... Is the wound from a suture did you say? Does your doc explain everything to you? Or are you left wondering what the hell!? You can't go on like this... Where are you? US? I know you are not mad, you just haven't found the answer yet..

My work were understanding and I had to tell them so they knew why I had taken time off. I didn't deal direct with HR, but my very understanding boss. She then forwarded the info on. Do you need to tell them the reason at the next interview? You could say it is a very personal medical problem. I felt having that time out did help, something has to give for you to have time to heal, and remember you are the most important thing over any job. I know where you are coming from, work is major important, but you need to be in the right health and mind to deal with it... Can you speak to somebody at work who you trust? X

Yes I am in the US. According to my doc the wound was not at all too conservative and he would not consider cutting further. He said at my last appointment that the wounds are actually very nearly healed, but I don't believe him as I still have blood/pain, and I've heard this so many times before. He said the actual LIS wound itself has healed completely, and the others from the stricture/fissure are all well on their way. His optimism gave me some hope, I admit, but he's said similar positive things in the past only to change his mind a few weeks down the road. Thanks for your concern on this. My family is useless to talk to and they hate me at this point anyway. I will consider the ADs, they might help me get through the next couple of weeks with my sanity.

I could never tell anyone at work about this. I am extremely self-conscious, so I doubt I would even bring this up directly to a shrink if I ever saw one. My best bet would be to make up some other excuse to resign...