desperate n depressed

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Re: desperate n depressed

Postby mojo » 08 Jan 2017, 03:07

Hi getmylifeback. Yes it's horrendous and only fellow sufferers can fully understand. The last 2 weeks have been a blur of agony. Worse than giving birth every day but no baby to show for it. Worst Xmas ever. I'm using psyllium to soften stools.

I'm pretty much set on getting op yes. 3 years of intermittent agony n anguish is too much. This last bout the worst by far.
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Re: desperate n depressed

Postby mojo » 10 Jan 2017, 10:05

I'm so angry. Cream had been working but went back to proctologist today and even though I begged her not to go inside she did. Twice and kind of snagged the fissure. Was effing livid and in pain. Spasms started half an you later and am now back in the bath. Wtf. And to cap it all she said to go back for another check up in a week and then I'll be referred for surgery for which there's a 2/3 month waiting list. Am beyond fed up. The spasms had abated now back in full force thanx to that idiot. She said the cream must be put up the anus but I'd been getting ok results by just applying it externally. Help.
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Re: desperate n depressed

Postby Mypoorbutt » 10 Jan 2017, 10:28

Oh no Hun,
Why is she still doing internals when you have a fissure and she knows that you do. My CRS never did an internal and he was the only one of 3 CRS that managed to actually see my fissure so I'm not certain what is to be gained by doing one when they know it causes so much pain.
That must be so frustrating if you felt you were improving too.
The cream does work better putting it inside...even if you have to start with just the tip of your pinky finger, I also think it give you a kind of dilation too which never hurts...well obviously it's hurts in a painful way but may help eventually.
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Re: desperate n depressed

Postby mojo » 10 Jan 2017, 10:47

This is Italy and they're sadists. The doc today was a different one to last week. I was actually in tears before it insisting she shouldn't go inside but then when I was lying on my side she stuck her finger up. I cried out then she did it again.

She was quite rude too I think telling me to relax or I'll never heal!! Am tempted to not go back but then what?? Only state hosp in my town that do the procedure.

Hope you're faring ok and thanx for hearing me.x
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Re: desperate n depressed

Postby Mypoorbutt » 10 Jan 2017, 10:54

Wow Hun that's sooo bad if you asked her not too then she shouldn't. I have unfortunately had lots of exams in that area from around age 20 and if my hems were playing up (this was before the fissure) I would just refuse any internal exam as it can never help...we know our bodies we know what hurts. I once refused a top surgeon and he was like no it's ok I totally understand...and that was just hems not a fissure, there is no way I would let anyone other than me put a finger up the if I was spasmsing. It's so easy for them to hurt you as they can only feel from their side not your pain.
Ok...she sounds really bad as your internal sphincter is not a muscle you have any control over so it doesn't matter how much you try to relax if it's tight because of a fissure nothing you can do will make it relax and some idiot arrogant doctor shoving her finger up there isn't going to make it any better.....ooooooh I'm angry for you Hun :x
I'm ok, thanx bit worried as I haven't had a BM in days after my colon decided to go 8x in 3 hours lol
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Re: desperate n depressed

Postby mojo » 24 Jan 2017, 07:59

Am back with some good news..started the explosive cream (Rectogesic - costs an arm and a leg over here) and (do not wanna jinx myself) it SEEMS to be working. Been on it 6 days. From day 3 spasms were down to 4 hours a day, day 4 3 hrs, day 5 2 hrs, yesterday none!! Today coupla hrs of mini spasms but almost feeble. Am so over the moon but am still shitified one false move and I'll be back to spasm hell. Am eating kiwis and soft nanas for lunch and blitzed veggies and chickpeas or salad and fish for dinner. Plus drinking tonnes of water but I'vestopped taking psillium fiber as found it wad making me poo TOO much and after 3 yrs with this evil fissure have found NO bms are the aim when spasms are at their worst. The good first proctologist has been in contact and has put me on the waiting list for the op. Question: surely if the cream is doing its job I no longer need the op?

Hope you're all bearing up under this burden of hideous suffering known as anal fissures. Even hearing the word "fishing" sends shivers down my spine!
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Re: desperate n depressed

Postby mojo » 24 Jan 2017, 08:00

*kiwis!! Not kiss for lunch.
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Re: desperate n depressed

Postby Mypoorbutt » 24 Jan 2017, 08:33

Hi Hun
Yay so glad to hear the spasms have gone that's great. They are the worst pain ever.
I know what you mean about living in fear that they will return..think that's normal though after pain like that.
The GTN stopped my spasms most of the time and my CRS wanted me on it for a full 8 weeks before he would consider the Botox but think that's about money as the NHS hates to operate lol.
I would give yourself a while but if you have a high sphincter tone then having the op maybe a good thing
Really am glad to hear it working though
Hey if I had a choice over kiwis or a kiss I know which one I would pick lol
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Re: desperate n depressed

Postby mojo » 24 Jan 2017, 09:58

LOL! Kisses to u for reaching out n will keep u posted. X
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