by alpinestrawberry » 25 Oct 2011, 06:32
I'm sorry Andy. I know exactly what you mean about the worrying. My anxiety was through the roof, half the time I thought I was dying of some hidden internal disease and the other half I wanted to kill myself. I had my fissures for five years but it was only the last year or two that things got so bad I couldn't live with it anymore.
And yes, it is THE MOST under-talked about health problem on the planet. Society is so advanced now that breast cancer, prostate cancer, colon cancer, testicular cancer etc., are OK to admit you have, but an excruciatingly painful torn a**hole is still the equivalent of a joke for most people. That's fine if you do want to laugh about it (Tony you are hilarious) but I don't want to be laughed AT because of it. And then there's the stigma that you probably caused it yourself somehow, like a smoker with lung cancer, because no one wants to think this could happen to them so they start trying to explain it away.
I didn't want to face any scrutiny and so I was like a clam about the whole situation. I didn't EVER tell my mom because she's a blabbermouth and God only knows how many people she'd have told, from distant cousins twice-removed to the mailman. My husband knew, of course, and a good friend of mine who's a doula/nurse-midwife, and my mom's two sisters who thankfully don't have her gift of gab. And my best friend from high school, but that's it. After the surgery I did tell a couple more select people; somehow it was easier to talk about after the fact and it did relieve the stress some to admit what I'd been through. But I've stopped talking about it at all lately, even with my recent flareups (which, KOW, seem to have gone away).
I just feel so bad for everyone on here that needs the surgery and has to wait for whatever reason. Even though it hasn't returned my rear to it's pristine, pre-fissure state, it was so worth it and I'm well on my way to having my life back. Hang in there guys, the surgery will be worth the wait!