Hiya all!

I'm feeling really down at the moment & I just wanted to share with my fellow AF comrades (you either laugh or you would cry - and this condition has made me cry a lot.)

I'm a 38 year old male living in the UK who has now had this condition for 11 months. Due to a nasty reaction to an antibiotic, I had severe diarrhoea that gave me 2 anal fissure tears at 6 and 12 o'clock. As the months have rolled on, my life has become smaller & smaller. I was a regular gym bunny, loved to socialise & go for long walks with my wife & my child but because of the constant pain of the AFs, walking to the shops has become an ordeal. I'm scared to eat regular food and I have got a phobia about going to the toilet because the pain and agony I have had to endure.

In the UK, our National Health Service (NHS) is non-functioning at the moment. Despite trying all the usual creams (GTN, dilitiazem) by my GP, it did not improve the fissures. Around 5 months into this ordeal, I begged my GP to refer me to a specialist in August 2022. It took until late October 2022 to get an appointment with a colorectal surgeon who quite dismissively said they would do a botox surgery but said it could take 6 weeks or more. Because of all the NHS strikes that have happened in the UK, we were advised that it could take MONTHS before they put me through for the op. I could be waiting until March/April 2023. Despite my wife & I begging and pleading to be seen, the adminstrator arrogantly said there was nothing that they could do & there were 'people in worst positions than you so you have to wait.'

My wife said enough was enough and we rustled up the money to go private. We saw 2 private consultants and they both suggested Botox as they were concerned about the complications with LIS. I ended up going with the more qualified one & had the procedure a week before Christmas. He felt fairly confident that the botox would do the trick and said he 'cleaned up the wound.'

I'm 2 weeks out of surgery and I am wondering whether it worked or not. The pain I hope before was like someone was slicing the inside of my rectum every time that I did a No 2. The 1st week after surgery was horrendous - it was like a fresh cut and I would literally shake after I did my business. Around day 10, the slicing pain has stopped, it has been replaced with a burning pain after my BM and really sore skin. The burning can last for hours and I just crawl back to bed after a BM and want to cry. So much so it's hard to walk around & function. Luckily I can do a lot of work from home but this is no way to live. The surgeon said it can take up to 6 weeks to see the full effects of the botox but at the moment, I really don't feel any different & wondering if this whole thing was a waste of time.

I am so sorry for the long essay. This is such a lonely condition because it is not easy to talk to others about it - it's incredibly embarrassing and I have had to tell friends & family I have a bad back to get out of social engagements. I feel like a recluse & I just want to do things like run and take walks again without thinking about my bumhole. My dream is just be a normal guy again and walk around - that's it. I will never ever joke someone is a 'pain in the arse' again - it gives me PTSD flashbacks... Lol!

Is 2 weeks too early to judge the healing process? Am I just being impatient?

I have been lurking in this forum for 5 months and you guys have helped keep me sane. I have had some very dark thoughts and honestly it's your stories, messages and successes that have helped me feel less alone and have hope that one day I will have a success story to post on here. Thank all of you for your kindness and support of each other.

Writing this post has made me feel better as I was so down before. Thank you for reading and any advice or help would be appreciated.

- ineedhope

Sorry to hear of this ordeal!

I am not a fan of Botox for this. My CRS said it was a temporary fix and that you had to still treat it and hope it the fissure would heal completely before the Botox wore off. Since you got the Botox and it's been a few weeks, how is it now? LIS is the only way to fly in my opinion.