I'm going to go ahead and apologize for the whining i'm about to do!

I'm on week #9 of treating my fissure with diltiazem. I've been able to keep my bms soft and haven't had a spasm-type pain since 3/15. I've had no real pain since 3/19. Things have been all rainbows and unicorns here lately. I've felt almost normal and been a happy, thankful person.

I had a bm today that was unremarkable but caused me soreness a couple of hours later. It really caught me by surprise and it didn't respond to things that usually helped. Not going to lie, this has really broken my spirit. This pain feels similar to the pain I had when I first developed my fissure. I'm scared that I'm regressing and heading back to a dark place.

All I want to do is sit in a bathtub and cry What is wrong with me?!?

I was depressed too when this happens. I wish I could offer you support but I have been going on 5 months with this problem and I had the surgery.

I go through this at least once a week. My wife reminds me that I don't really know if the fissure is worse (most of the time, it's a minor setback) and that I just need to deal with the situation as is ("it is what it is"). I'm starting to see a therapist, too.

One problem is that if I have a good day I assume that the good days will continue. When the next day is worse, I just assume it will be bad forever. I won't be happy until I have a month of good days.

I am so sorry. I am in same boat with fissure, possible abscess or fistula, or hemm- i don't even know what it then what anymore. I get that it is hard to envision a happy future. Sending best wishes.

I take a anti depressant which I think helps and I thought of counseling.. but it's so sad to me that some of us are going through all this just because of out butt. It's also hard not to feel alone because other than on this forum I've never met anyone with the same issues.

I have a sense that there are rather a lot of people with butt-related issues - it's just that because of the nature of the issues there's a certain social stigma attached (there shouldn't be, of course), and so people try to hide and ignore them.

I have even found that some doctors have a dislike of AF, as they think it's hard to cure and find it unpleasant to treat. Not all are like that, of course - there are some great doctors out there.

Anti-depressants didn't help me, but counselling and pain management definitely have, though I'm by no means yet in the clear.

Just to update-Sunday was a bad day but every day since has been better.

I'm just wondering if it is possible to heal after 9 weeks using diltiazem? I think I'm feeling nervous because my surgeon wanted me to try 6 weeks of the cream and if I wasn't healed to do another 6 weeks before LIS.