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Hello, I am new

Postby FeliciatheFissure » 10 Dec 2019, 03:21

Hi everyone, I guess I will start of by mentioning that I found this forum about a month or so ago but have been more of an observer. Well that all changes now, as I just made an account in the hopes of sharing my experience. Any who, without further ado...

I have had a fissure for about 4 months now (officially diagnosed in August by a CRS, but I suspect it may have been there some time before the diagnosis). Before the fissure I had surgery to remove a tiny wart in March of this year. The recovery for that went stellar and after a couple of follow-ups, I was told by the CRS who performed the surgery that I was wart-free. Before I mention how I got stuck in this unfortunate situation, I suppose I'll preface by mentioning that I was a young and generally healthy gay dude with a very healthy and active sex life (I was more on the receptive side) before all this. Naturally after my surgery, I was told to abstain from having sex. I had a follow-up with my surgeon about 10 weeks after the procedure and was told that the incision looked as though it had healed. So naturally, after having been told this, I decided to "jump back on the saddle" and resume having sex. Well, I guess maybe it was a little too soon because after having sex a few times, I guess I developed a fissure.

Now what is interesting about my fissure is that I did not even know something was wrong until I started noticing some bleeding after sex/bowl movements without any pain, which threw me out for a loop because I had read abut how fissures are excruciatingly painful and so I was dubious of whether I had one or not. Well, it was not until my CRS saw me again for an anal exam that she told me that it was, indeed, a fissure. At that time, the fissure was in its acute phase and she suggested conservative approaches (high fiber, tons of water) to which I followed through. After a couple of weeks, I stopped having rectal bleeding and assumed that the fissure had healed and decided that it would be okay to have sex and I guess I was a little too eager again and had another flareup. Only this time, it was with a partner who was a little bit on the thicker side and I immediately knew that I had done some damage. Sure enough, upon inspection (yes, I have been documenting the whole thing by taking selfies of my bum and fissure, which I have now named "Felicia" to bring some humor to an otherwise frustrating situation), I did notice that the fissure looked as though it grew in size (still painless and very minor bleeding). After this incident, I returned back to my surgeon and at this point she gave me a prescription for diltiazem which I started using and found some relief until I would have bad BM and would be back at square one again (GRRR). After this, I decided to completely abstain from having sex for a while and decided that I would resolve to alleviating stress by simple mastrubating, and I was fine with that!

Come Fall, I had changes to my insurance and was no longer able to see the CRS who made the diagnosis (very upset about this), and I began seeing a new PCP. I made an appointment to have them refer me to another surgeon and I was told that the fissure looked rather small and it was on its way to healing (GOOD NEWS! HAPPY! BYE FELICIA!). That same day I was feeling the natural urge and decided to take care of it. Well, I guess I climaxed a little too intensely because I felt things contract a little too much down there. I immediately grabbed some toilet paper and feared for the worst , and sure enough after gently dabbing, I noticed some red streaks on the toilet paper. I was immediately upset, especially after having just been told that I was on my way to beating this thing. I didn't think much about it and decided that I would try to be more careful next time. Well, after that I tried to masturbate in what I deemed to be "safer" conditions (while in a warm bath, sitting down, about an hour or two after application of diltiazem) and every single time I had some contractions and bleeding. So I have now also given up on masturbation, and this really freaking stinks.

Fast forward to today, I still have not been referred to a new CRS because the process to get a referral is slow (according to my primary's office), the fissure is still quite active (chronic at this point and with some scar tissue I fear, although I am not quite sure and would love to get more information on how to tell if what I see/feel is scar tissue), but still painless and very little bleeding. My organs are flooded with water and I started using miralax so I have been having good Pretty good BMs. I also started introducing a finger in there in the hopes that it will help relax my sphincter muscle, but it seems that no matter what I throw at it, it doesn't seem to be making much of a difference. At this point, this whole experience has had such mentally debilitating effect, especially as a gay man who enjoys anal sex and masturbation. Nonetheless, I try to stay positive every day and remind myself that there are millions of people out in the world who would probably wish that all they had to worry about was a pesky anal fissure. I try to keep myself busy (I work full-time and I am studying for the MCAT), which helps keep my mind off of it. But of course, every time I need to use the restroom, I immediately start to worry again.

I have tried to isolate the reason(s) why my fissure won't heal and can't seem to find anything. I recently also started noticing that sometimes when I am drifting off to sleep, I feel my anus contracting, which I worry is the reason why I am having very slow results (any body else experience this? It is only when I am sleeping, and not when I am awake). Also to add to the mix, I have been having some white discharge oozing (sorry, bad word choice) out following a BM. I figured that maybe it was coming out of the fissure. My primary thought that it may be an STI (highly unlikely as I have not been sexually active prior to this) and so they gave me a rocephin injection (HURT LIKE A BITCH), but it is still continuing and now I am worried about that I may have something else to contend with, other than the fissure.

As you read, my rectal health seems to be in a state of disarray, and my mental health goes up and down (especially when I think about the possibility that I will NEVER be able to have a normal sex life ever again). I am at the point that I am starting to become much more open to the idea of much more aggressive approaches (botox and LIS)because I feel that I am going to be at my wits end with this thing very soon. Also I recently ordered a cannabis-infused lubricant which is supposed to have a relaxing effect/promote blood flow. So yes, my next step is to get my butt stoned and I’m quite excited about it!

Any who, I look forward to hearing back from y'all (especially my fellow gays) about similar experiences, or just any kind words of encouragement. :)
FeliciatheFissure
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Re: Hello, I am new

Postby North West Jen » 10 Dec 2019, 23:45

Hello! And welcome! You are very lucky you’re not in pain. These nasty things can take forever to heal. A couple weeks of feeling better and having anal sex doesn’t seem like a long time. I would wait a couple months at least, if not longer as they can open back up so easily. Good luck to you.
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Re: Hello, I am new

Postby Lin_2010 » 28 Dec 2019, 07:51

Hi and welcome! I'm sorry to hear you're having to deal with all of this. This is a great forum for support and advice. Have you looked into anal dilation? There are lots of posts on here in regards to this. Some people start with a finger but somewhere in here I saw a link/post with a dilation kit (essentially different size plugs).
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Re: Hello, I am new

Postby mcintj1212 » 03 Jan 2020, 17:57

I had the surgery for a fistula, not fissure, but it involved cutting my sphincter and it eventually fully healed such that I am back to bottoming regularly :). It's a long road, but don't lose hope.
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Re: Hello, I am new

Postby FeliciatheFissure » 06 Jan 2020, 10:39

Lin_2010 wrote:Hi and welcome! I'm sorry to hear you're having to deal with all of this. This is a great forum for support and advice. Have you looked into anal dilation? There are lots of posts on here in regards to this. Some people start with a finger but somewhere in here I saw a link/post with a dilation kit (essentially different size plugs).


Thanks mcintj1212. I sent you a message because I’d love to learn more about your experience. :) I tried to PM you but kept getting error messages so I sent an email
FeliciatheFissure
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Re: Hello, I am new

Postby mcintj1212 » 07 Jan 2020, 17:43

Answered :).
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