Well I have had this fissure for about 3 years as I mentioned in my introduction thread. I got it from diarrhea or constipation (I had an illness which caused severe diarrhea and then constipation afterwards from the medication that helped my illness) I do not know which one caused the fissure because I am confused about how diarrhea can cause a fissure ! I know how constipation can but that does not scare me as much for some reason. maybe that should too ? lol
anyway, I have this terrible anxiety about diarrhea now... I can just imagine if I got severe diarrhea now with my butt not fully healed. What would it do to my fissure ? I picture myself living on borrowed time lol I seriously could not imagine the pain I would be in or the effect the diarrhea would have on my semi healed fissure ! I would say my fissure is about 70% healed, I do not have the spasms, I only have some stinging pain sometimes after BM's, I have good days and bad days although most days are good. My stool is pretty normal and I go about 2 - 3 times daily. I just can't shake the thought of WHAT IF ! like what if I got severe diarrhea ? or got really constipated ? what would It do to my butt in it's current state ? Would i be back to sqaure one or worse ? would i not be able to work and be in extreme pain ? Would I need to go to the emergency room ? It just freaks me out and I think about that so much !
I just do not understand why they can't heal fissures easier ! with all the medical technology they have, they can't heal a fucking paper cut in my ass ? like come on !!!! My specialist said I was healed a couple weeks ago, he put me on this weird dosage of nitro 0.125. I had to go back to my Nifedipine because I few days ago I felt some stinging after BM's. I am going back to see him on Thursday, I want him to actually see if he can spot my fissure and tell me how big it is ? if there is any skin tags ? scar tissue ? Nobody has even been able to see the fissure since I first got it, It has been in a cycle where I go see the doctor and they can't see it because it is semi healed, once it opens again I have never seen the doctor.
This is so frustrating, I just want to be able to not think about diarrhea and bowel movements everyday !
I want this thing healed ! I will have the surgery if I have too but at this point, I am not in enough pain to justify the surgery. I am just worried about the future ! like the WHAT IF's
If any of you can help me with my anxiety, I would appreciate it. I do not want to take medication for the anxiety so please do not suggest that.
thank you very much guys and gals.