I'm gonna fucking kill myself

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I'm gonna fucking kill myself

Postby AJStyles » 01 May 2017, 10:18

I got fucking surgery 8 Months ago and it didnt fucking help, so now i got another one 3 weeks ago and i am still in fucking pain!!!! HOW ARE OTHER PEOPLE HEALED IN 2 WEEKS AND I HAVE THIS FUCKING SHIT CANCER FOR 8 MONTHS?!?!?! PLEASE TELL ME WHY?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS CRAP!?

HOW CAN DOCTORS HEAL CANCER BUT NOT A SMALL CUT IN YOUR ASS???? DO THEY WANT ME TO PAY THEM 30K DOLLARS TO HEAL ME? I AM FUCKING SICK OF THIS, HOW AM I STILL IN PAIN AFTER 3 WEEKS? I KNOW IT TAKES 4-6 WEEKS, BUT I CANT FUCKING IMAGINE TO BE 100% NORMAL AGAIN IN 3 WEEKS FROM NOW!!! WHAT DO I DO IF I AM NOT HEALED? KILL MYSELF? NOBODY CAN LIVE WITH THIS!!! AND ITS A REAL FUCKING PROBLEM, NOT ONLY FOR ME BUT OTHER PEOPLE TOO!! BEFORE THIS HAPPENED I WAS THE HAPPIEST GUY IN THE WORLD, NEED NO FUCKING MONEY NEED NO FUCKING IPHONE 8 FOR 900 BUCKS I WAS HEALTHY AND HAD A FAMILY AND I WAS HAPPY!!! NOW I'M NOT HAPPY ANYMORE AND I DONT BELIEVE I WILL BE HAPPY EVER AGAIN.

LIFE SUCKS. AND I HATE IT.
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Re: I'm gonna fucking kill myself

Postby ResMePlz » 01 May 2017, 10:43

Dude I feel you... what kinda pain are you having that you think it didn't work?
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Re: I'm gonna fucking kill myself

Postby AJStyles » 01 May 2017, 10:52

I dont even know dude, just fucking pain after BM. Maybe i am not patient enough but after 8 months of this shit people lose their temper.
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Re: I'm gonna fucking kill myself

Postby GilmoreGirl » 01 May 2017, 12:47

I know - this is my 9th month. It's just impossible. But I was so sore at two weeks after also, keep hanging in there. Once the improvement starts it will be quick!

Are you able to get right in the warm bath after a bm? I also found alternating an ice pack and a heating pad good post op.
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Re: I'm gonna fucking kill myself

Postby AJStyles » 01 May 2017, 12:51

GG Yes i am able to take a sitz bath after BM, thats what i did for almost 3 weeks straight but lately i am not doing it anymore because it was like this, when i finished my bm and i stood up then the pain started to come, now these days thats not the case anymore, and then i took a sitz bath and after that the pain started. I dont know why, so right now i am doing bm, taking a shower to clean my ass and after that letting my ass chill a little bit for an hour or something and then i take a sitz bath and it seemed to work
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Re: I'm gonna fucking kill myself

Postby GilmoreGirl » 01 May 2017, 13:08

Well keep doing what works! Does it feel like you're having spasms sometime after bms? Tightness and aching or burning?
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Re: I'm gonna fucking kill myself

Postby AJStyles » 01 May 2017, 13:58

I dont really have spasms GG its just really first of all little bit of a feeling that i havent finished yet combined with burning. But another problem that i have and i really didnt find anything about this, is that when i am having BM okay, and then while having a BM i have to piss right? Pretty normal, but at the EXACT moment where the piss is coming out, my Asshole is just kinda tightening and i cant control it, it just happens when the piss comes out, do you understand? Doctor didnt know what the hell i'm talking about, but it happens. And i dont know why :( Its like when you are holding back your BM and you put preassure on your ass, thats what happens. Same happens obviously when masturbating and the sperm is coming out. (Thats why i'm not masturbating since weeks because it also hurts like hell) What could that be? really annoying ...
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Re: I'm gonna fucking kill myself

Postby GilmoreGirl » 01 May 2017, 14:23

That does indeed sound like a strong spasm. It should subside more and more as you heal post op.

Do you think you could talk to your doctor about getting a referral to a pelvic floor physiotherapist? I see one and they have lots of techniques to help you learn to relax those muscles. It may be as simple as retraining things a little so you can do those things without pain.

So much of tightness down there is the body's natural response to pain - when you have pain down there or are even expecting to have pain, the sphincter muscles will contract in an attempt to protect the body from pain. But unfortunately when you have a cut right on the anus, this does exactly the opposite of what we want it to!! A physio specialized in this area is used to helping people relieve tension and involuntary contractions like you describe.
Some people even have an issue called obstructed defecation, where their sphincter actually involuntarily contracts whenever they try and have a bowel movement. This can be a cause of constipation and fissures even with soft stool - and the treatment primarily is physiotherapy with biofeedback to help retrain those muscles.

I hope maybe that suggestion helps you a little! Sending you healing thoughts.

-GG
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Re: I'm gonna fucking kill myself

Postby AJStyles » 01 May 2017, 14:32

My doc said something similar to this, he said while surgery he noticed that theres something not right i dont know how to explain it in english since i live in germany and what he just said is impossible to translate in english xD but he said that may have caussed the fissure in the first place and that is also the reason why i am feeling like i have not finished yet. So he said they have to confirm that first by making me take a shit somewhere there and then they take a photo or something like that lol, sounds fucking disgusting, and he said that may require surgery too, i dont really know what that is though. Think i have to ask him that, but he says that is not bad for the healing so it can still heal with that thing that i have there, im gonna ask him in 2 weeks again
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Re: I'm gonna fucking kill myself

Postby GilmoreGirl » 01 May 2017, 14:42

Ah ok! Likely he suspects you have some pelvic floor dysfunction like the issue I described. Ask for sure about the physio!! They can be super helpful. And I'm not one to try alternative treatments - this is a well documented solution to pelvic floor dysfunction.

The test you describe is a defecogram. Normally they actually insert a balloon or a semi solid solution that you try and push out, and they do a scan at the same time to see how your muscles are working in synch. It's not as yucky as it sounds - I know this stuff isn't pleasant but the doctors and nurses have seen much worse! Trust me!

Here is a good description of the test and what to expect:

http://www.uwmedicine.org/health-librar ... raphy.aspx

-GG
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