in so much pain

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in so much pain

Postby Jamesscott96 » 02 May 2017, 08:30

i have had anal fissure 7 months it started with extreme burning could not sit at all , now i am at a constant discomfort state after toilet it doesnt hurt but it kicks in where as before it was sore straight after. but now the pain kicks in i take gabepentin before bm as this can sometimes help with me to have a ok ish day, the pain now feels like heat? and sphyncter discomfort where is does not relax after bm , where as before go toilet nice poo sphyncter relax's ahh :) bliss times i remember those times before anal fissure
now i feel my spycnhter in a constant weird state , when the pain kicks in i feel stabbing every now and then, itching and heat . when the heat goes im left with the spynchter feeling all day and night .

im booked for lis surgery on 10th may , the spycnher pain has changed during course of having this or maybe its the gabs , as before when i was around ppl it would make me spasm intense ?, also when i used to cough it would pull and give me instant harsh pain. where as now it isnt as bad , this has ruined me mentally when i first got it , this month i have been abit stronger mentally .
i dont normally use these sites i have fb but i dont talk to strangers lol but you guys really understand what it feels like where as i dont know anyone who has had this in real life , my old doctor was useless and didnt prescribe me any pain relief he just kept refusing and said he would make me a gab addict, which i though unfair as i was in tears most days with this pain when it was at its worst felt like i was litterally on fire down there .
i kept going back asking for pain relief he just kept sending me hospital , they kept sending me back ( constant stressful loop i went through) but at the time i was stronger not so worn down

i must have been to hospital 6 times back and fourth saying they cannot do no surgery unless it goes through book as it aint emergency .

went to different doctors within the surgery as felt was getting no results from the main doc ( who owns everything pharmacy dentist etc, he also knew F**k all about fissures. he told me he knew noone who took gabs for pain for af.. the idiot he didnt even reassure i will get better he said some people have it for years and just smiled... it was comforting
sorry lol ranting. went to the different doctor within the surgery as at this time im like 3-4 months into anal fissure its starting to take its toll , and car drives are getting hard , doctors surgery is just round corner from me
2 min walk. slightly bareable at this stage

saw the doc he said he cant give me nothing as the main doctor has said so.... on the notes

at this point i didnt know what to do i spoke to my mental health to get them to sort the doc out as it isnt right treating patients like this, they had a word for some reason they got me prescribed respiridone, great now they think its all pathalogical pain... that insulted me alot , as yes i do have mental health illnesses , used to have adhd , and have ocd now but not the wash and clean kind. the images of stuff u would never want to do to loved ones , nothing gross just like hurt . but i blank it out if i am honest i was going to go for therapy for it but with the af i have had to put everything on hold , got alot need doing lol hair cut , get sports car out garage again back on road,been planning holiday with the pals , spain or amsterdam , so i have my faciltys to an extent and to be told im a nutter basicly and not given the correct pain management it made my life hell , he told me to take paracetemol and ibuprofen, i overdosed a few times just had angry days of wanting to be out of pain and would take alot that would do nothing for pain , not even morphine when i was at the hospital , just made me feel high

went back doctors one last time 5 months and a half in, i woke up today feeling angry and let down and in pain once more bad as usual ( at this point i was waking up most days and was depressed didnt want to even wake and had a dream that i died and tbh at this point i like that dream as the agony daily and no reassurance that i would get better it took its toll i would burst out crying alone ) this isnt me atm as i have hope
i woke up angry that day went doctors noone was there looked for him in his office , receptionist said come back to desk i said no at first as was mad. i didnt shout or nothing tho i think it was because i was wearing my hoodie as they think im a scary chav , but what they dont know is when im depressed af i hide my self and the trackie bottoms i wish i wasnt wearing lol , but i cant wear chinos anymore as the pain with those on kill. i tried this, and yh it just hurts lol also cant wear underwear atm
so went to reception told her why i was upset i said they have given me nothing , tears dropped in my eyes wanted to burst out but held it my voice obvs went abit weird lol but they could tell i was upset and not truly angry they booked me "1st" appt with the main doc , i went back early. waited 2 and a half hours on the hard seats, by this time i was getting angry again as women knew about my pain and she said it would be 1st and my ass is killing, went in i said i need pain relief as im in pain he said no again , i said its your fault im like this , you have given me no support from your doctors only offered me rectogesic there is more you can give, he said no i was like i want to kill you right now. i want to kill everyone and my self , i said this is how it makes me feel at times , and i feel like i tollerate everyone whilest my pain is around and i want to be alone. and with the pain relief i dont feel like that. he said il have a word with your mental health doctor get you pain meds and we will sort your |" head out "

i walked out feeling like i made progress (y) result :D , got a letter 2 days later saying 0 tolerence and im not allowed back but have to travel 11 miles to the other surgery they assigned me to.. evil fucker sorry about language but evil man i have made a complaint, but this isnt the worst part , i then moved to another surgery about 1 mile away bareable in car (ish) filled in all documents gave id was registered had an appt booked on birthday was gonna try get gabs off these guys as i know they do care about there patients as my mum moved there ( she had issues at same surgery as i was with , she had a stroke and they asked her why she takes bloodthinners and were gonna take them away) fucking idiots!!! but her new docs seemed good and they were astonished also why they were gonna do that to do , so i knew this place would be a step forward. so had appt on 24th april my bday 8am , missed it as had a shit uncomfy night slept late

so im at my new surgery as it seems i speak to them on phone im good, i have a bad day of pain. spasms at a 12 out of 10 my ears started ringing i fainted and was sick , then mum gave me some gabs i layed in bathroom wanting it to end , it came out of nowhere no bm either , i think i went for my pip assesment that day it may have taken its toll on me , called ambulance said i wanted it over and i cant take it no more it hurts so much i want to hang my self. thats how i felt, they wanted to get me an appt to sort my pain meds out i ignored phone, they turned up and was here for an hour or 2 because they rung my new surgery up and im not registered, we found out i got deregistered because old doctors is saying to all my surgerys im trying to go to , that im violent. i raised my voice then cried , i have mental health issues ( im abit weird ) and what? he should know this

so now im stuck taking my mums meds , and left with the 11 mile distance to travel ( this is my nhs support ) and also my mum was with me the day i went to the doctors and got angry then upset , clearly just wanted the support i wasnt given, where was my option of calcium channel blockers, fybogel , magnessium pills. i only learned all this recently, but he would have known all this is out there and now im discriminated againt , but have made a complaint and when i am better i will go to the news, or i will have a poster and sit outside his docs allday ,

it would be cool to be mates with someone on here, just to talk to when im feeling shit my names liam , james scott on fb you can add me im 21 , im soz if all this is indepth but this is my hard journey i have been through , i hope lis helps me and i hope the feelings i am having are normal

im sorry for spelling btw , ty for reading
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Re: in so much pain

Postby Bum_UK » 02 May 2017, 08:59

I'm so sorry to hear about your ongoing issues with both your fissure and the NHS. It's at least good that you've got a date for the LIS.

Have you tried the calcium channel blockers (e.g. diltiazem)? Are you taking any stool softener sat the moment? Movicol is available over the counter if your GP hasn't prescribed it.

This group is a great place to vent and get support when things aren't great. Hang in there! I'm sure you'll feel a lot better within a month of your LIS.
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Re: in so much pain

Postby Jamesscott96 » 02 May 2017, 12:55

Bum_UK wrote:I'm so sorry to hear about your ongoing issues with both your fissure and the NHS. It's at least good that you've got a date for the LIS.

Have you tried the calcium channel blockers (e.g. diltiazem)? Are you taking any stool softener sat the moment? Movicol is available over the counter if your GP hasn't prescribed it.

This group is a great place to vent and get support when things aren't great. Hang in there! I'm sure you'll feel a lot better within a month of your LIS.

your support means a hell of alot to me , any replies do . atm i have my stools under control unless i try to miss a day , as it can be tempting as pain subdues alot when i dont go but then i get hard stools. so i dont do this
i am on macrogel one a day which makes me smooth
but yh lis on 10th hoping it stops the pain after bm .
i have read on here some people can take a very very long time to heal 12 months i heard
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Re: in so much pain

Postby Bum_UK » 02 May 2017, 13:34

Try avoiding missing a day as keeping it in can make the stools harder. Go when you need to even though you know it'll hurt. I'm even more scared of BMs after my hemorrhoid incident... Let me just say that it was pretty awful when the GP popped it back in. It's so very frustrating that a small cut in your bum can take over your entire life and people who haven't had a fissure don't understand what it's like.

You're young and will hopefully heal quickly. Follow whatever they tell you to do religiously and I'm confident you're as good as new quickly. Happykermit (?) on this board seems to have made a very quick recovery after his LIS and I assume he's a young guy too given that he studies. Try to be as positive as (I was tempted to write ass there!) possible too. It's not easy but might help. Do nice little things as well. I do that now as well. Watch something fun on TV, rent a movie, meet with friends (I've had to explain to some that I have bum issues) and anything else you might enjoy.
You've got to post updates after your LIS to let us know how you're doing!
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Re: in so much pain

Postby Jamesscott96 » 02 May 2017, 13:52

Bum_UK wrote:Try avoiding missing a day as keeping it in can make the stools harder. Go when you need to even though you know it'll hurt. I'm even more scared of BMs after my hemorrhoid incident... Let me just say that it was pretty awful when the GP popped it back in. It's so very frustrating that a small cut in your bum can take over your entire life and people who haven't had a fissure don't understand what it's like.

You're young and will hopefully heal quickly. Follow whatever they tell you to do religiously and I'm confident you're as good as new quickly. Happykermit (?) on this board seems to have made a very quick recovery after his LIS and I assume he's a young guy too given that he studies. Try to be as positive as (I was tempted to write ass there!) possible too. It's not easy but might help. Do nice little things as well. I do that now as well. Watch something fun on TV, rent a movie, meet with friends (I've had to explain to some that I have bum issues) and anything else you might enjoy.
You've got to post updates after your LIS to let us know how you're doing!

ty , i have spoken to kermit in past seems a nice guy im looking forward to lis, to get my life back etc will be awesome, i find enjoyment from tv also but seeing friends for me atm is difficult as i feel i wish to be alone for some reason

other than that the gabs save my life each time after bm , i will let you know about my lis im scared to go toilet on the morning as app is for 8am im in agony for 3-4 hours normally then its just uncomfy sometimes bad sometimes bareable
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Re: in so much pain

Postby GilmoreGirl » 02 May 2017, 14:50

I am in agreement with everything bum_uk has said!

We've spoken before - I'm so sorry you're still in so much pain. Any doctor or surgeon who has not had a fissure cannot realize the pain it can cause emotionally and physically.

I am so glad you have a LIS date and I think this will be a turning point for you!!! I was in a very similar situation pain wise - everything you describe is familiar (burning hot pain, tightness when trying to have a bm, etc) even the feeling of not wanting to see people. I had the LIS and at first was not sure it worked...but after three weeks there was sudden improvement as the swelling reduced and the incision healed and I'm telling you that the same will happen for you!!! I spent 9 months in bed and this past two weeks have gone for 30 min walks every day, shopping, yoga, and everything is turning positive again.

I know exactly how hard this is and it's not easy to hear from people to be patient - but that's all you need to get you through the next through days and the LIS recovery.

I know you can do this and you will be a new person soon!!! We are all here for you to talk, rant, or whatever you need.

-GG
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Re: in so much pain

Postby Jamesscott96 » 02 May 2017, 14:58

GilmoreGirl wrote:I am in agreement with everything bum_uk has said!

We've spoken before - I'm so sorry you're still in so much pain. Any doctor or surgeon who has not had a fissure cannot realize the pain it can cause emotionally and physically.

I am so glad you have a LIS date and I think this will be a turning point for you!!! I was in a very similar situation pain wise - everything you describe is familiar (burning hot pain, tightness when trying to have a bm, etc) even the feeling of not wanting to see people. I had the LIS and at first was not sure it worked...but after three weeks there was sudden improvement as the swelling reduced and the incision healed and I'm telling you that the same will happen for you!!! I spent 9 months in bed and this past two weeks have gone for 30 min walks every day, shopping, yoga, and everything is turning positive again.

I know exactly how hard this is and it's not easy to hear from people to be patient - but that's all you need to get you through the next through days and the LIS recovery.

I know you can do this and you will be a new person soon!!! We are all here for you to talk, rant, or whatever you need.

-GG
ty gillmoregirl, im sure we spoke when you were due your lis also? if not maybe someone else lol but i think we spoke when you were in pain, atm its really really mild discomfort maybe gabs aint wore off maybe a good day, it still makes me want to be alone tho im pretty scared to go for a walk incase it kicks in. i had my personal independent payment assesment ( uk ) as i struggled to walk for 7 months with this at first i could only walk 10 mins if that and the stabbing would disable me. felt like my hairs were needles

so i felt i was owed support from goverment as i wasnt faking and was in genuine pain.
but i am waiting back from them so its all positive. just wondering does your sphyncter feel numb now? doesnt play up and make u feel weird

i hope i am explaining things correct lol
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Re: in so much pain

Postby GilmoreGirl » 02 May 2017, 15:11

Yes I had LIS and am feeling much better!

I did get an abscess from the incision so that's a little sore, and every once and a while I get a pinch, but otherwise NO more burning or stinging!! I am noticing things less and less down there.
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Re: in so much pain

Postby Jamesscott96 » 02 May 2017, 16:51

GilmoreGirl wrote:Yes I had LIS and am feeling much better!

I did get an abscess from the incision so that's a little sore, and every once and a while I get a pinch, but otherwise NO more burning or stinging!! I am noticing things less and less down there.

i am so happy for you , and seeing you staying on here still to help others.
shows your devotion and your pain that you endured!!
i remember you said you lost your partner and you did loads of bike riding, i think i saw in a old old post that you were still with your partner at the start of the fissure , i think

i have scoured the forum lol looking for inner relief, i also had a gf at the start i was with her a year but her stress and this i couldnt cope with both i felt i needed her gone. if im honest i am over her to be fair

but as soon as im healed im celebrating going on holiday as i said earlier lol but yh im going away to get some fun times :D so what was your situation your self story? i have opened up bigtime on this thread because this is my story ( its hell tbh ) you can pm me it or openly reply it if you dont want to its cool lol , also my doctor was useless i think i said this alot in my threads , they did not offer me channel blockers etc, he didnt know anything just kept me using rectogesic
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Re: in so much pain

Postby GilmoreGirl » 02 May 2017, 17:43

Thanks! Definitely was a long 9 months so far and not done yet but better!

I did split with my boyfriend about two months in - sorry you had similar trouble. Like you, I just felt like that part of my life had to be put on hold. I'm glad things didn't end poorly but it was very hard.

I wasn't a big bike rider but I did heavy weightlifting, ran half marathons every spring and summer, and was a personal trainer. I lost all 15 of my loyal clients which was really difficult as I felt I was really letting them down. The hardest part for me has been letting myself get so out of shape - I'm back to walking for 30 + min and a little bodyweight strength training but nothing near deadlifting almost twice my weight lol...and physically I was so proud of my health and body, and now I'm very self conscious of how I look.

Also had to move home with my parents as I could not work, and had to take a leave of absence from my graduate degree (with only one semester left!). So it has all been life hanging to say the least.

Thanks for asking me to share - it is always good to talk about how difficult these things are!

And it is total hell - it is such a relief to have this board and I'm glad that you've felt comfortable sharing on here. Everyone here knows how difficult it is and that is such a relief to find.

I think soon after your LIS you will be back on here helping and reassuring others!!!
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