I'm sorry. I would rather not be here enduring this suffering and grief that I have and bestowed upon my family and girlfriend. It's no way to live.

I'm taking my antidepressants now. I need to take baby steps. a clear my mind.

I can't imagine moving across the country let alone overseas right now.. Impossible. And having children to deal with would be even more difficult. Bless u good luck. I haven't been getting much sleep either in the last 4 months. Up multiple times a night.

Yes I need to find the right doctor. The waiting and uncertainty is unbareable.

I think addressing the effects on your mental state with the antidepressants is a very good move. I hope they help you soon! I’ve seen this condition drive many people to suicidal thoughts on here and understandably so. It really messes with your head to be in chronic pain and sometimes starving from not eating enough in the effort to have less painful BMs. I’m breastfeeding so I’m super limited in what medications I can take. Like you, my relationship has been negatively affected by this because I’m too afraid to be intimate. We’ve literally been together once in the past ten months. My husband is a saint for supporting me through this. But he sees how much pain I’m in and I think he believes I’ll find a way to get better soon. I see a new CRS in two weeks who’s supposed to be very good and I’m going to ask for surgery. I’m ready.

Are you planning to have surgery within the next 10 weeks while you are within the country?

If yes have you discussed how you'll manage overseas?

Mike, my previous CRS thought 10 weeks would be sufficient healing time for either LIS or, at worst, a hemorrhoidectomy. I feel concern that it’s risky for me to be overseas without access to a CRS if I have a delayed complication. I guess I’m playing it by ear right now and hoping for the best. I’ll be separated from my husband for months if I don’t follow him to Indonesia. As it is, I’m delaying my travel over there by 2 months to try to heal this thing before going. Ugh, so frustrating

Have you been to Indonesia before?

Do you have people around you that can offer support if need be?

I’ve never been and will have my parents out to visit for a bit, followed by his parents. Domestic help is very affordable there if I needed it due to a relapse or something. My big complaint is the lack of access to medical care that I would feel comfortable trusting with my butt issues. You don’t want to let Just anybody poke around down there, that’s for sure!

Thinking about your issue, have you heard of CBD oil? It’s been used by some in this group to help with pain and depression/anxiety. I saw one poster say she even used CBD suppositories. Some pro athletes are using it for chronic pain management now

Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts.

I don't know about these suppositories.

It's been 44 hours since my last bowel movements. I feel the pressure building.

And so does my anxiety, worry, and fear.

This is absolutely no way for a human being to live.

Do you take anything to go regularly? A lot of people here swear by Miralax and magnesium.