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my diary

Postby leanne27 » 17 Feb 2014, 02:16

I am hoping that just writing down what is going on is going to both help me to de-brief (part of my therapy)as well as help anyone else who can relate. I know I have personally felt a wave of relief reading others posts realizing that I am not alone in how I am feeling.

In a nut shell I have had 2 anal fissures (anterior and posterior) for around 6 months. eventually decided after around 4 months that I needed to go and see the Dr. and get some help. I was also a bit paranoid about what actually was going on down there as my mother had an abscess for more than 2 years before she got it right and wanted to set my mind at ease.

Had the colonoscopy which showed the anal fissures, nothing sinister. The CRS asked for me to come back 2 weeks after the colonoscopy. During this time I developed a discharge which bothered me as much as the pain. Green muck coming from down there doesn't make a girl feel good! Have to wear pads otherwise it soaks through my clothing.

He decided to put me on antibiotics and I have to go back this week (after 10 days) to see him. Problem is that I still do have yucky stuff coming out. Sometimes it smells, not always but sometimes it does. I am paranoid that this will never stop and it is such a hard way to live life. He also prescribed the nifedipine lidocaine ointment.

Today I've just had enough, feeling totally exhausted which I think is more the emotional exhaustion of having to deal with this issue. I feel like I am spinning from fatigue, burning eyes and just want to lie down. The spinning could very well be a side effect of the ointment. I have a bit of nausea and I think it's antibiotic related. The pain is there but not bothering me as much as it used to. The real issue for me is the discharge.

I met up with a friend for lunch today and was so uncomfortable sitting, It just really sends the throbbing pain through my buttocks, lower back and starts to radiate down my leg. In addition when I got home the stuff coming out really smelt bad. I worry now too if it can be smelt by others, I'm sure it can't but the thought is there along with leakage anxiety, even when I am wearing protection.

I bumped into the brick wall at the edge of my front door, a really nice bruise is coming up as well as some lost skin that scraped off. Yesterday I managed to bump off one of the side mirrors on the car backing out of my car port. My concentration levels are really affected by the stress of all this.

I work 4 days a week and things are so much worse at work as I have to sit. At home I have a recliner and can angle it to be comfortable. I am lacking patience and find it hard to concentrate as a result of this. I don't know how to manage things. I am doing everything I can to get better but it's just not happening.

I am due back on Wednesday and feel that I haven't responded well enough to the antibiotics. What is he going to do? Will he say that I must not have had an infection if I didn't respond? Will there then be nothing that can be done about the discharge? How long will it go on for? I know no one can answer these questions but putting it in words can help.

Todayis not a good day but perhaps tomorrow will be!
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Re: my diary

Postby leanne27 » 18 Feb 2014, 04:50

Good day today!!!!!Wow! Yesterday was just horrible and today is great: haven't had a bowel motion which is probably causing the joy. Alternatively things could be healing, antibiotics working etc. Hope so. If only I could miss a week of going I am sure all my problems would disappear.
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Re: my diary

Postby leanne27 » 19 Feb 2014, 03:28

well saw the CRS. Prescribed a second dose of antibiotics (flagyl). Has now suggested that I could have an abscess and has said that it could be that it will heal all on its own. He is not overly encouraged by the good day I had yesterday as today there is a steady stream of diluted blood coming out, hence the second dose of drugs. He did say that if it was still not right in two weeks I would have to be investigated under a general anaesthetic which I would prefer to avoid if possible. I asked what would constitute "right" and he said no discharge at all, he said it is not normal for fissures to leak so something else must be going on. He said some good days wouldn't be enough also.

Very annoying, now it might get more awkward at work with having to go off to more appointments.

Fingers crossed that I am into recovery mode and things will stop!
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Re: my diary

Postby owmybum » 19 Feb 2014, 13:25

Yes, fingers crossed that things heal up nicely for you.

OMB x
fissure after hem banding and tag removal feb 11
Pelvic floor therapy
Diltiazem
Botox June 13
Nitro
Internal flap July 14
EUA and polyps removed Nov 14
Diagnosed with neuropathy Jan 15
Diagnosed with HS EDS type 3 (causes poor wound healing )
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Re: my diary

Postby leanne27 » 20 Feb 2014, 05:04

Another bad day! Can't win. Main issue I think is seating, at work and busy so no time to take a break and get off my bum. Discharge increased which is so disappointing. Maybe tomorrow will be a different and happy story. It's quite amazing how a nice feeling bum can make your day and how devastating the opposite can be!
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Re: my diary

Postby owmybum » 20 Feb 2014, 14:21

Yes, when things are going well you can be on cloud nine and full of hope..... But when they take a step back again it's crushing.
Try to remember things will get better.... It just takes time.
How long is the course of antibiotics?? Did you have a temperature along with the discharge??
If things do persist, and not improve as they should, I would certainly consider letting your CRS have a good look up there under anaesthetic...... Best to be safe... The last thing you want is for an abscess or fissure to turn into a fistula.

OMB x
fissure after hem banding and tag removal feb 11
Pelvic floor therapy
Diltiazem
Botox June 13
Nitro
Internal flap July 14
EUA and polyps removed Nov 14
Diagnosed with neuropathy Jan 15
Diagnosed with HS EDS type 3 (causes poor wound healing )
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Re: my diary

Postby Scientist2516 » 20 Feb 2014, 15:05

The old fissure roller-coaster...............been there. Hope you get better............

Could you try setting a timer and at least stand and stretch every 30 mins. I'm convinced that pressure on the bum -> less blood flow to the anus -> less healing, and more pain. If you are on a computer, there may be a timer function, or there are on-line timers.
Nifedipine/lidocaine, no help
Diltiazem, effective, but caused major rash
Nitroglycerine, effective.
Topical estrogen for final healing.
Gentle heat to bottom - pain relief, muscle relaxant
Kondremul mineral oil
Time - lots of time.
Status - Healed!
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Re: my diary

Postby leanne27 » 20 Feb 2014, 15:22

Owmybum, absolutely don't want a fistula, I have now started my second 10 day course of the antibiotics. Don't have a temp, but have had three previous experiences of having really high temps and no other symptoms (apart from very sore bum). This was before I saw the CRS, and what prompted me to seek help as I had given up on it getting better on its own.

I think you're right Scientist2516. Sometimes I just can't get up as I need to because I see clients as a health professional. I have tried at times to incorporate both me and the client standing up but there are times that it isn't appropriate. Yesterday was one of those days and have suffered as a result.
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Re: my diary

Postby leanne27 » 21 Feb 2014, 03:46

OK I just can't seem to get a break at the moment. I am actually looking at the funny side otherwise there will be more tears! Bum feeling not so sore (YAY) was kind of chuffed about it having breakfast this morning when out of the blue came a migraine, flickering of eyes, partial loss of vision, fingers went numb and then of course in set the headache. Fab!

Fatigued would be the best word for me at the moment. Fatigued by the pain, the discomfort, the lack of normality, the suffering in silence and not being comfortable. Fatigued by the over emotional state I find myself in, by my lack of motivation to do even the basics. Fatigued by the loss of control.

I'm doing all I can, but it's not enough. The pain as horrible as it can be is not the biggest worry I have, it's the discharge that I am feeling so disempowered by, I hate it, I want it to go away. Somehow I am haunted by thoughts of it never stopping and that this will be my life. I want to be normal again!
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Re: my diary

Postby leanne27 » 23 Feb 2014, 23:58

OK, continues on roller coaster, difficult to know if things are good or bad. Over the weekend I have had some really bad moments lots of pain, a sudden bleed out of the blue. If I could work out why then I could address it but, no just a lot of fresh blood and only after a pee!

Got over excited today as I was feeling good! Very small discharge so decided I could get out in the garden and do some pruning. Bad idea, came back in and the leaking started, felt it running down. delightful. It seems if I move, bend, lift things turn for the worse. At least my night and morning was pretty good.

Realised due to public holidays I can't go back to the CRS in 2 weeks but 3. I know it's not a big difference but if something else such as a fistula has developed I would rather it was dealt with sooner than later. In the mean time I am on my antibiotics, keeping soft easy stools and using my nifedipine lodicane cream.

So now brace myself for my work week and sitting in the seat that does nothing but aggravate. I think my pattern is improve on weekend and deteriorate on the weekdays.

Feeling very "bumcentric"! I'd just like to go back to the time 6 months ago when my life didn't revolve around a horrible issue.
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