I am hoping that just writing down what is going on is going to both help me to de-brief (part of my therapy)as well as help anyone else who can relate. I know I have personally felt a wave of relief reading others posts realizing that I am not alone in how I am feeling.
In a nut shell I have had 2 anal fissures (anterior and posterior) for around 6 months. eventually decided after around 4 months that I needed to go and see the Dr. and get some help. I was also a bit paranoid about what actually was going on down there as my mother had an abscess for more than 2 years before she got it right and wanted to set my mind at ease.
Had the colonoscopy which showed the anal fissures, nothing sinister. The CRS asked for me to come back 2 weeks after the colonoscopy. During this time I developed a discharge which bothered me as much as the pain. Green muck coming from down there doesn't make a girl feel good! Have to wear pads otherwise it soaks through my clothing.
He decided to put me on antibiotics and I have to go back this week (after 10 days) to see him. Problem is that I still do have yucky stuff coming out. Sometimes it smells, not always but sometimes it does. I am paranoid that this will never stop and it is such a hard way to live life. He also prescribed the nifedipine lidocaine ointment.
Today I've just had enough, feeling totally exhausted which I think is more the emotional exhaustion of having to deal with this issue. I feel like I am spinning from fatigue, burning eyes and just want to lie down. The spinning could very well be a side effect of the ointment. I have a bit of nausea and I think it's antibiotic related. The pain is there but not bothering me as much as it used to. The real issue for me is the discharge.
I met up with a friend for lunch today and was so uncomfortable sitting, It just really sends the throbbing pain through my buttocks, lower back and starts to radiate down my leg. In addition when I got home the stuff coming out really smelt bad. I worry now too if it can be smelt by others, I'm sure it can't but the thought is there along with leakage anxiety, even when I am wearing protection.
I bumped into the brick wall at the edge of my front door, a really nice bruise is coming up as well as some lost skin that scraped off. Yesterday I managed to bump off one of the side mirrors on the car backing out of my car port. My concentration levels are really affected by the stress of all this.
I work 4 days a week and things are so much worse at work as I have to sit. At home I have a recliner and can angle it to be comfortable. I am lacking patience and find it hard to concentrate as a result of this. I don't know how to manage things. I am doing everything I can to get better but it's just not happening.
I am due back on Wednesday and feel that I haven't responded well enough to the antibiotics. What is he going to do? Will he say that I must not have had an infection if I didn't respond? Will there then be nothing that can be done about the discharge? How long will it go on for? I know no one can answer these questions but putting it in words can help.
Todayis not a good day but perhaps tomorrow will be!