My Journey

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Re: My Journey

Postby msimon » 26 Aug 2015, 10:18

Keep up the good work! You'll be back to normal in no time :)
Dec '13 Fissure from anoscope
3 X internal sphincter botox
'08-'15 Botox for pelvic floor dysfunction
Nov '14 LIS/sentinel tag removal
Feb '15 Deroofing of recurrent infection from LIS
summer '15-healed but still ongoing muscle dysfunction/pain
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Re: My Journey

Postby SakPase » 26 Aug 2015, 11:48

Thank you guys.

As I'm sure you know, there are emotions that go up and down. As a 29 year old man, you look at things and get emotional because it's been such an up and down roller coaster of life being changed.

I'm a mad runner. I've run 2000 miles a year multiple times, and it's suddenly on hold. I can't do something I love.

I have to plan my days according to when I may use the bathroom right now, because I want to sitz bath to keep the area clean.

I am headed to Haiti next week, a place that is just dear to my heart, and realize I'll have to take it easy (not that I do a lot down there anyways...I just hang out with kids all day!).

And you long for the days when going to the bathroom was just part of the day and when it was done, you simply felt better.

It's frustrating. You read. You find a forum and read other people's issues. You know more about the anus and treatment than seems possible. It dominates every thought.

And then you have to take a step back and realize that thousands of people have been in the exact same place. Thousands of people have gone through the exact procedure, emotions, and pain...and now they stand on the other side and say, "it was the best decision I have ever made."

I see a lot of people on here who rely on prayer and seem to be of the Christian background, which clearly, as a pastor to students is my cup of tea. Through all of this, past 7.5 weeks, and probably the next 7-10 more weeks, I have grown tremendously in my walk with Jesus Christ. I know many people would say, "He's not very loving to allow you to endure something like that..." and if I were honest, the thoughts have crossed my mind.

And yet, here I am, 8 days post-LIS, in minimal pain, frustrated at times, but sitting in my church office working. I have studied the Bible and realized that God is a God of compassion. It was something that I have grown up "knowing" but over the past week I really understood it. And I don't mean towards me, but I mean towards people.

If this whole long journey was to teach me a bit more about caring for humanity, then so be it. I've found humanity to be very encouraging here in this forum, and for that I am grateful. Now, I want to heal, and when I am at 100%, to continue to show Christ-like compassion for those who need it most.

[end emotional rant]
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Re: My Journey

Postby SakPase » 26 Aug 2015, 17:09

I know the previous post was emotional, whiney, and over the top in some areas, I'm sure. But, for me, it's truly how I feel.

Minus the spiritual part, I would say I have to be close to what others have felt. The ups and the downs.

Thus, I simply used it as a venting frustration side...as well as a peek into what you feel for those on the LIS sidelines considering the surgery...emotion is normal. Surgery is not "normal" and changes you. No matter how minor of the procedure...life changes and you have to deal with that.
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Re: My Journey

Postby salamon555 » 27 Aug 2015, 00:57

Very interesting and inspiring thoughts and words.They have helped me as I will got to the surgeon tomorrow afternoon and plan my LIS.Thank you for help.God bless you and your family and have a safe trip to Haiti.Thanks.
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Re: My Journey

Postby SakPase » 27 Aug 2015, 09:32

Each day is better than the last. Pain is minimal. BMs still sting. The thing I hate the most is just the tediousness in which I feel I need to clean myself after a BM. Between using the bathroom, cleaning, sitz bath, and then drying/dressing, it's almost a 30 minute ordeal. That is fatiguing in and of itself. Nonetheless - I'm going to keep it clean...once healed, I never want to see the doctor again.

Pain has basically subsided. I'm able to sit and move at will.

I'm taken a gauze pad and dressed it with Dermaplast (antibacterial spray) and change it at each bath. This morning, there was a little bit of the tan/yellow discharge. There may have been one minor spot of pink.

I haven't noticed any bleeding at all.

I'm off today, and am enjoying a day off with my daughter. I'm tired, of course, but taking it easy and enjoying the day.

Again, everything is going in the right direction.

Tomorrow morning is follow up appointment, so I'm anxious to hear from my doc.
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Re: My Journey

Postby SakPase » 27 Aug 2015, 10:54

Also forgot to mention...I haven't had TERRIBLE itching...but yes, it itches. Especially when standing. Sitting it seems to pass.

I know from reading people attribute this to healing as the skin is tightening up around the wound. So, I'll deal with itching. But it's definitely there!
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Re: My Journey

Postby msimon » 27 Aug 2015, 22:28

Good luck with your appointment. Let us know how it goes.
Dec '13 Fissure from anoscope
3 X internal sphincter botox
'08-'15 Botox for pelvic floor dysfunction
Nov '14 LIS/sentinel tag removal
Feb '15 Deroofing of recurrent infection from LIS
summer '15-healed but still ongoing muscle dysfunction/pain
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Re: My Journey

Postby SakPase » 28 Aug 2015, 11:20

Had the follow up this morning...

But backtrack to yesterday. Had a loose stool and got concerned. Simply put, I think as I have been taking fiber, as well as just getting back to a new diet, I have thrown myself off. Plus the concern of the follow up today had me off.

Woke up this morning, BM. Got to my office, another one. Every time I ate anything, my stomach would just feel wonky.

Follow up with the doc. Lots of nerves. He came in, looked quickly and exclaimed with delight, "It's looking great!"

And suddenly all the pressure and anxiety left me.

Until he decided to stick his finger inside of me and press on the wound and then drag his finger out....

And then he explained to me in one more week, I need to start doing the exact same thing, as it will keep blood flowing and aid in healing. He said the last thing we want is for granulation tissue to form and him to have to go in and scrub it out after my trip.

So...he painted an ugly picture for me to make me begin doing what I really don't want to do...but again, I never want to see this guy again after I'm healed...and I don't think he wants to see me either...good doc.

All together, great morning. My mind is finally resting at ease.

I will probably pull back from posting as much here. Too much is simply not healthy. I have not enjoyed the daily updates lately, because I have been overthinking everything.

I will continue to update when able and available. While I am traveling in Haiti, don't expect much... :)

For those who have been encouraging, thank you. It really does mean a lot.

For those who have read and are considering the surgery, find a good doctor, and do it. He asked me when he came in, "Did we fix it?" I told him I'd had no pain, no spasms, nothing. He said, "Is life better now than it was before you saw me?" I told him absolutely, besides the fact I know have open wounds in my butt...

Small price to pay to suddenly no longer be scared to go to the bathroom. Change your life if you need it. It's horrifying, embarrassing, and not a lot of fun...but in the end, I'll testify that it's worth it all.
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Re: My Journey

Postby salamon555 » 28 Aug 2015, 18:21

SakPase I m very happy for you , it is really a fast smooth recovery comparable to the other stories , God bless you and all your family .
My surgery will be next Thursday, I will have an open sphincterotomy with skin tag removal, I dont know the difference between the open or closed one ? any idea ? Thanks
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Re: My Journey

Postby SakPase » 28 Aug 2015, 21:38

I had looked up the difference, although I didn't understand it all.

http://www.iscrs.org/data/ISCRS1211/1.pdf Starting at page 18.

They cut your muscle...that's all I've got for you. :)

Best of luck and hopefully you have a speedy healing. Take it very easy. Use the pain meds. Lay down. Sleep. Do nothing. And enjoy it.
SakPase
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