by SakPase » 26 Aug 2015, 11:48
Thank you guys.
As I'm sure you know, there are emotions that go up and down. As a 29 year old man, you look at things and get emotional because it's been such an up and down roller coaster of life being changed.
I'm a mad runner. I've run 2000 miles a year multiple times, and it's suddenly on hold. I can't do something I love.
I have to plan my days according to when I may use the bathroom right now, because I want to sitz bath to keep the area clean.
I am headed to Haiti next week, a place that is just dear to my heart, and realize I'll have to take it easy (not that I do a lot down there anyways...I just hang out with kids all day!).
And you long for the days when going to the bathroom was just part of the day and when it was done, you simply felt better.
It's frustrating. You read. You find a forum and read other people's issues. You know more about the anus and treatment than seems possible. It dominates every thought.
And then you have to take a step back and realize that thousands of people have been in the exact same place. Thousands of people have gone through the exact procedure, emotions, and pain...and now they stand on the other side and say, "it was the best decision I have ever made."
I see a lot of people on here who rely on prayer and seem to be of the Christian background, which clearly, as a pastor to students is my cup of tea. Through all of this, past 7.5 weeks, and probably the next 7-10 more weeks, I have grown tremendously in my walk with Jesus Christ. I know many people would say, "He's not very loving to allow you to endure something like that..." and if I were honest, the thoughts have crossed my mind.
And yet, here I am, 8 days post-LIS, in minimal pain, frustrated at times, but sitting in my church office working. I have studied the Bible and realized that God is a God of compassion. It was something that I have grown up "knowing" but over the past week I really understood it. And I don't mean towards me, but I mean towards people.
If this whole long journey was to teach me a bit more about caring for humanity, then so be it. I've found humanity to be very encouraging here in this forum, and for that I am grateful. Now, I want to heal, and when I am at 100%, to continue to show Christ-like compassion for those who need it most.
[end emotional rant]