A couple of good days do really well to boost morale. I hope things continue to settle down and improve for you Leanne.

OMB x

thank you for the good wishes!
Dreadful day yesterday, painful, depressing, couldn't move to do things, very disappointing. It followed a very bad night, I think triggered by an evening bowel motion, normal, no issues but an hour after that the horrible deep throbbing pain started and I got barely any sleep. I think a sleepless night increases my pain sensitivity.
Today was quite good, was able to even do some vacumning but am a bit wary as I had a dripping bleed this afternoon. I even felt it tear after passing some wind on the toilet and then a heard a trickle dripping into the water and realised that it was blood. A real shame

Have you got a Dr appointment soon, Leanne?

Oh Leanne, I'm so sorry, the re/tears are so disheartening... Keep positive, it won't be forever. I do hope you improve soon... This is a rollercoaster. Xxxxx

Today has been another good day despite yesterday's bleeding episode. Discharge lessening, still requiring pads as there is enough to go through my clothes but definitely way less than it has been.
Pain manageable and I got a good night's sleep.
Seeing CRS tomorrow so will see what he wants to do, if he sticks with his original plan then I will need exam under GA, but I am wondering if I am on the mend if such an exam could upset the fissure and set me back? But if I don't have the exam and then i flare up I will probably be upset, so will wait and see what he says and go with that. I also need to ask some questions about his approach if the cream doesn't work: I've had this thing for more than 6 months now and I've only had around 4 weeks now using the cream. I would like to know what period of time he would wait before considering other options and what his next approach would be.
thank you for your kind comments

So as expected I need to go in for an examination under GA, booked in for the 25th so just under 2 weeks. He has booked me for an overnight stay but if he doesn't see anything he can fix then I can go home the same day rather than stay overnight.
Had to tell my manager about it and she was really good, she has encouraged me to take whatever leave I need, even considering shorter days. I told her that I fully expected that he wouldn't find anything that he could fix which would leave me in the situation I am in dealing with the "tincture of time" which my CRS said when I asked him the same. She said that I should do whatever I could if this happens and make sure that I did everything to expedite healing rather than behave as I have been, struggling with sitting and working.
Told my best friend at work as well as it would have made him uncomfortable seeing me taking leave and not knowing why as we are in each other's pockets most of the time. The first thing he said was why didn't I tell him sooner so that I had someone's shoulder to cry on. Even so I don't want to burden my "bum woes" on others face to face!

Glad to hear that you are getting some support at work. I hope the appointment goes well in a couple of weeks!

Hi Leanne, reading about your manager and your friend was so touching. It's good to know that people can be understanding and sympathetic.
Good for you, for being brave enough to tell them. It must be a relief to have it somewhat in the open, so you don't have to put a brave face on ALL the time.
all the best!

I have been lucky, my friend today started talking about how he needs to get his prostate checked, just making me feel more comfortable talking about those "unspeakables".
Having bad day after a not so good day yesterday. My weekend days were good though, almost made me feel like my scheduled exam wouldn't be necessary. Even though I'm climbing the wall with pain now I would rather be examined as is rather than being good as I was in my original colonoscopy.
Full moon and pain kept me awake most of the night so I know my pain perception right now has a low threshold, just hope I am able to get to sleep tonight.
It is my fault as I succumbed to a push today for the first time in months. I am having that feeling of incomplete evacuation which leaves me with a fear of getting constipated unless I feel as if everything has been passed. Must keep reminding myself I cannot do this

Hi Leanne,
So glad you have confided in a few people. My boss is excellent and she has really supported me at work, through the sick days and the reduced hours. It really does help. Some of my friends know too. When I'm moody and weird, they know I'm in pain. Please keep hope, it won't be like this forever. Xxx