Oohh itch! How I hate itches.
Try ice? That may calm the itching for a while.

Good idea :-) just had a second bm of the day, boy was it painful after

- update 23:30: pain persists. Can't sleep!! :-( led on a hot bottle feeling so pathetic - dreading work tomorrow.

Ok I didn't want to mention it until I made it but I've managed to go on holiday! I'm writing from my hotel in Belgium and the sun is shining bright. Bowel movements are still very sore. Using sudocrem whilst away as I couldn't bring my coconut oil. No blood but a definite pain is lingering down there at 12:00 which is odd. I'm trying to relax as much as I can but its hard!!! Eating well here is hard as its all European continental stuff - like cheeses hams loads of bread!!! Not not to mention the chocolate.

I come home Sunday but hoping this break away with my brother will give me a bit of a chance to chill.

Good for you FF. Live your life as much as possible. Down the road it's the good times with your brother that you'll remember - not the pain.

I made it home in one piece I'm happy to report :)
pain is lingering at 6pm all the time and I'm getting more used to it - I'm thankful there are no more spasms post bm but the lingering pain is always there. The worst part about the holiday was not being able to have a bath for 4 days as the hotel room only had a shower and I couldn't find a portable sitz bath *sigh*

Anyway I'm home now and still recovering! x

I was so stupid. I felt quite a bit better over the past few days and so thought I would try one of my anusol suppositories as they used to be really helpful. I went to the loo with minimal pain and since I'm stuck at work I couldn't have a bath. Used the suppository and it got half way in and felt a horrible snap of pain at 6pm and the suppository got sucked in which caused more pain. Arghh I'm such an idiot! Stuck at work for the next 6 hours with no way to ease the pain :-(

Ff

Paracetamol hasn't helped. It feels like spasms are back. Had dioreah around an hour ago. Second bm of the day. I honestly thought I was getting better.

So sorry to hear it Ff. Try not to beat yourself up about this though, our bodies are always changing and something that worked before may not be such a good idea anymore but this can only be known by trial and error. I know though, the errors seem so awful when they happen. I have had many myself on this journey. This is, however, the bumpy road to recovery.

What is it in the suppositories that you think helped you before? If it's hydrocortisone, I think that should be avoided while healing as it delays healing and can thin the tissue. It's tough because they are supposed to be good for hemmies I suppose. If you are spasming, I would reach for the GTN or heat. Don't lose faith though, things will get better again. Two steps forward, one step back. How has the bleeding been?

Thanks MS for the support. There is no steroid in there thank goodness just a lot of zinc and stuff. Nothing that would do too much damage. Thinking back over the day the worst pain was after my dioreah at 2 then I had a stupid works meal for someone's leaving do it was hell!! I'm now sat in a hot bath with coconut oil feeling very sorry for myself. My dad is worried as I came home and cried and wants me to go to a doctor but there's nothing they could do for me. It's going to be a tough night I'm sure.

Bleeding is much better only a tiny spot on tp paper and that's pretty much it :-)
Ff x

You are very welcome Ff. I totally understand where you are coming from. So sorry things are not going as well as you had hoped. I find that what helps me is to find one positive aspect about it all and focus on that. For you, for now, minimal bleeding is a huge gain, especially after all you've had done in there. That must mean you have healed a lot in there. If you could heal that much, you can heal the fissure too. Also, maybe the damage isn't as bad as you think. The hot bath should help. Unfortunately, I think it takes the patience of a saint.

As for the suppository, I find that zinc is very healing but for the time being, maybe you want to use it internally as a supplement? I haven't had anything go in my bum (except whatever my surgeon did) since my first surgery, LIS, 6 months ago and plan to keep it that way until it's healed. On that note, do you take any supplements? How is your diet? Just wondering if you are getting enough nutrients. I take a lot of supplements to make sure the reason I am not healing isn't due to a lack of nutrition.