i just want to scream! i'm glad i'm having surgery soon b/c i'm in so much pain lately. it feels like it did when i first had the fissure, glass passing thru BM and then pain and burning all day. what the heck? the dr said i still have a fissure and it's down to the muscle, so maybe that explains it??! but i haven't felt this kinda pain in a long time. how is it possible to have 2 surgeries and not heal?! for most of us, that seems the case but how can it be?? i'm so frustrated and i'm having a hard time holding out hope that this next surgery will help. it's a fissurectomy so it's trying something different i guess. do you guys think it's possible to just never heal and have to live like this forever??? i'm going thru such a rough patch, and i have finals to study for, and then a vacation planned right before surgery, and i'm just having hard time coping with everything now. i'm so nervous for surgery, and so afraid to hope for the best
anyway, just needed to vent. i feel like i'm going crazy and need to blow off some steam to people that understand. it has to get better right?!

Wow, Juney I can feel your pain as I read your sentences. We'll add you to the people were are praying for and maybe you can join also and pray for us as well. I am not an expert of any of this, so don't really feel qualified to address your concerns. I am beginning to think stress plays a very big part in all of this (just my opinion)

Juney - baby - of course it must stop !!! You just should never give up trying !!!! Some days I have same feelings but you know what - when fissure becomes REALLY chronic it forms such a big scar tissue that it really becomes a minor discomfort and many people live with it without a problem, so I tell myself - if it comes to that - so be it. BUT IT WILL NOT ! You now found a great doctor that knows what he is doing and if you need a third LIS like Nancy - it is OK too ! The fact that you are in pain just shows that your fissure was healed completely and is now freshly open : (. That means that you definitely can heal, dear Juney, and you will again !!! It is awful that it opened again : ((( - but better now when you will have surgery anyway than after you heal your fistula. This way you will heal it ALL at once !!!

thanks cheryl. i'm always thinking about everyone on the board and sending healing thoughts - even for the newbies and those that rarely show their face! i'm not really religious so i don't do normal "prayer", more like positive thinking.
i've tried so many postive thinking, yoga breathing, relaxing, anti-anxiety tricks. i even take xanax occasionally when it gets the best of me. i kinda think after such a long time of suffering it's impossible for us to not be stressed about this...especially after we've tried so much (including surgery for a lot of us!) and it doesn't end.
this fissure's robbed me of everything i used to enjoy and now i just try to find solace in laying on the couch watching tv. i can't even work out anymore. my 20s are flying by and i'm just miserable. i can't even comprehend why this happens to any of us and why some of us continue to suffer!! life can be so unfair. how does everyone else cope when it starts getting the best of you?

and thanks to you too fissy. you're always so encouraging!

I don't cope with it very well some days! I feel like my 30s have been nothing but pain so I hear ya. But there is no reason to believe that this will not work for you. It is something new that you haven't tried and I know you will move beyond this and things will get better and better. Really, the best is yet to come. Once you get this sorted out you have the rest of your life and a lot of young living to do so don't give up.

hang in there juney.
sorry you are dealing with that dreading "sharp glass or razor blade" passing feeling. i hated that and the super duper hot poker poking in the ass. those two were the worst.
as lecia said, there is a lot of young living to do! shoot, look at madonna who turned 50 today.

Oh well - sorry to say - Madonna is not looking that well "preserved" LOL Actually her photos made me feel much better about myself today ROLF !!! I am sure Juney will look much better : )) with healthy lifestyle and healthy fissure friendly food !!!
LOVE TO ALL

Juney -
I hear you lady! I let myself get down all the time, so I can understand your pain. It is ok to vent, I tend to do that ALOT!
This surgery is going to heal you. The way I see it, you have a fistula that resemembles a fissure, and apprears to have a track down to the muscle. That is why it can probably feel just like a fissure. This doctor sounds like he knows exactly what he is doing. This surgery will fix everything for you, and if your still in doubt, then you can always have a 3rd LIS. Nancy has said in the past that her doctor has performed 4 on one person.
I wish there was something I could say to make it better Juney. I think about you all the time and always hope you are doing well. I can not wait until September 8th so you can write us and tell us about how you healed!!! Until then, we are here everyday to listen to your fears and concerns. You will get through this!!! :truebud:
Jen
:nevergive:
:thinkofyou:

Just a small note - September 8th is a St. Mary's birthday - so it must be very lucky day !!!